missing her some more

Feb 27, 2010

I am finally attempting to clean the craft/sewing/completely overflowing with junk room. It has been way too overwhelming to me to even attempt to deal with it for a LONG time. I started today and I am going to do my best to keep working at it till it is all in order…not an easy task for me…I flit around as I clean, rarely staying with one project, much less one room, for more than a few minutes at a time. I am throwing out gobs of stuff and am loading up a DI box full of things I no longer have room for in my life.

Well, in this room, in a topsy-turvy box, buried under fabric, dress-ups, paper, game pieces, puzzle pieces, receipts, long-lost socks, and who knows what else, I found a treasure tonight.

I found my old home phone/answering machine…and guess what was on it! Messages that have been saved for years. Messages from my grandmother. Tonight I got to hear her voice! She left me two messages – one about a missing library book that we had left at her home and one about going to visit her for the week.

I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to hear her voice and it sounded just like her. Just like she was right next to me. All her little pauses and inflections were captured perfectly. All her adorable personality. All her love.

I miss her more than I can even begin to explain.

This great woman, this wonderful matriarch, this bastion of Christian love, service, compassion, dedication, and purity, loved me. I know she did. I know she does.

But it is not enough.

I want her with me forever. I want her in my home. I want her watching my children grow. I want her telling them stories, playing games, and laughing with us.

I want to hear her sing “As Sisters In Zion” and “I Believe in Christ” one a million more times.

I want her here with me.