in jesus’ arms

Jan 22, 2023

Banner day.

And crying day.

Both the days at the same time and in the same moment.

The banner day is that I walked into church for the first time today since April 5th! And then I walked to the chapel and to my class and back out to the car. My foot is getting more function and it’s amazing! I don’t know how much I can walk on it and will still be using my knee scooter sometimes and walking sometimes as we make the transition back to being a walking person. All I know is progress is being made!

The crying day is that it was our first Sunday at church without Fisher. I was doing pretty well until the priests started blessing the sacrament. Fisher has blessed the sacrament pretty much every Sunday since February 2, 2020. That first day he was terrified and it took him four times to get through the prayer properly. Since then he has grown in courage and capacity and it’s been so wonderful to see how God has worked in him. On his 18th birthday in September I thought it would be the last time he blessed the sacrament and bawled all the way through that prayer that I thought would be the last one. And then each week he kept being needed and I got to keep hearing him bless the bread or water. Every week during October, November, and December, I would cry a little as I was sure it was the last time I would hear him say those sacred words. Even at his farewell on January 1, he was needed to bless the sacrament and I loved hearing his strong voice bless the bread one last time.

And then today.

He wasn’t at the sacrament table in his blue suit and red beard.

Two new priests said the prayers and one of them needed to try again…and oh, the tears flowed as I remembered Fisher’s first time.

There is nowhere else I’d rather have him be than on a mission. I’m so proud of him, so excited for him, so grateful for his heart of faith and goodness…but none of that takes away the missing.

And I kid you not, right now as I am typing these words, his favorite hymn, “Savior, Redeemer of My Soul” started playing from my giant Sabbath playlist. Jesus knows just how to comfort me and is sending me a big hug.

So, I’m picturing him in Jesus’ arms since he is no longer in mine.

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