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mifm 2012 countdown
Five days until Make It For Maggie. Five days to get everything done. But really? Only two. Tuesday and Thursday. Because Wednesday is iFamily and Friday is gym.
So two.
Two days to pull off a miracle.
We still have gobs to do.
- Get a gazillion more registrations.
- Make name tags for all registrants, babysitters, chairman, and recipients.
- Organize (and collect more!) silent auction items.
- Collect more door prizes to be given out to our participants throughout the day.
- Buy all the napkins, plates, bowls, cups, and cutlery.
- Buy all the snacks for the children being babysat.
- Make all the room signs.
- Make all the handout books.
- Make all the silent auction bid sheets.
- Buy and make all the teacher thank-you gifts.
- Make sure we have all teacher supplies ready and organized.
- Make the agenda for the dinner time presentation.
- Bring the microphone system (and test it to make sure it works!)
- Fill my heart up with God’s love so I can spill it out on everyone who is joining us.
Pray for us. We need miracles and thousands of dollars in donations (YES, my friends, every little bit counts, so if you would care to join us in this mighty endeavor, head over to Make It For Maggie and click the donate button) to pull off our big dreams for these three lovely families. We need calm heads, strong spirits, and huge hearts to make this day as wonderful as it can be.
And we need you! Join us in Changing The World One Family At A Time.
m, m, & m
These past many days have been chock full. Full of Make It For Maggie, miracles, and mushiness. I want to soak it all in and let the gratitude permeate my entire being. Wait, I think it already is. Permeating, that is.
Make It For Maggie fills my heart with so. much. joy. Everytime I check our nifty registration page and see more people who are joining us I want to scream out loud. Every time I see someone choose one of our additional donation buttons I DO scream out loud. Everytime I speak to one of our recipients, my heart fills right up with joy because I know what is coming for them…in one short week my amazing community is going to shower them with love and hugs and money and food and joy and belonging. Everytime I think about Kat and the privilege I have to be part of her life I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am one blessed woman.
The miracles? Yes, there have been a few this week. My dear Jessica has been granted a big one. On Thursday, I swung by her house to get something for Make It For Maggie and found her in bed not quite feeling up to snuff. She had passed out repeatedly that day and was now in bed trying to get some protein into herself. I immediately hopped into bed with her and started making all sorts of assessments and tried to relieve her headache with some massage and peppermint oil. I took her pulse and it was at 40 beats per minute. Next I called Richard to do some energy work on her and instead of responding the way he normally does and getting right to work on her meridians and chakras, he told her something was wrong with her heart that he couldn’t fix and she needed to go to the hospital. Right now.
That was pretty baffling because my husband would pretty much never tell anyone to go to the hospital. We all thought, “hmmmmm?”
Meanwhile, her father was calling from Utah and urging us to leave. Now.
Then I called Cameron, our friend Paula’s husband, to come give Jessica a blessing thinking surely he would pronounce some lovely, reassuring words of healing upon her head, but no, instead he could barely speak and told her to go seek the expertise and tools of medical specialists.
More baffling. But at least now we knew we really did need to go in. Three trusted loved ones had given us the same advice. So, off we went.
We made it as far as the entryway and she collapsed to the floor. Luckily we were able to catch her so she didn’t bonk her head on any walls or the floor on the way down, but it was still quite dramatic. We decided she was no longer in control of any of her limbs and would need to be carried out to the car which was done quite ably (if not a little hilariously) by her husband and Cameron.
Kat zipped us off to the hospital while I cradled her head and her mama prayed.
The next many hours were slow and fairly uneventful…more passing out, more shaking, more twitching, lots of laughter, not so many doctors, and more waiting than anyone who has lost control of their body should ever have to endure. Eventually (about 21 hours after we arrived at the hospital) it was determined she has a PFO or a hole in her heart.
Whoa. Big whoa. We were so excited they found the cause of her bizarre passing out and this whole hospital adventure, but were a bit saddened that she has to go through this trial. While many people have this condition, it only causes symptoms in about 2% of the population. Strokes and heart attacks can happen at any time with a PFO and those are two things Jessica (or anyone else!) doesn’t need.
Now we are waiting. Waiting for all the results from the EKG, EEG, MRI, Cortisol tests, and all the blood draws. Waiting to find out what the next steps will be and when she will be all better. The surgery has a pretty good success rate, but any medical procedure is going to cost a huge amount of money, cause a lot of pain, and greatly impact their family.
Now for the mushiness.
I love the women in my life. I often forget that having this large circle of close-knit friends isn’t all that common and that many women go through life without it. I am so blessed. We have created a community of women who give and serve and love and support and dream and work together. It is such a blessing in my life.
And my Jessica? Words cannot describe how much I love her. She is creative, talented, hilarious, beautiful, determined, brilliant, spiritual, committed, and full of big dreams. And she helps me go potty when my hips don’t work. What more could I want in a friend?
Snuggling with her in her hospital bed is my new favorite thing…I just need to make sure I don’t become completely entangled in her myriad tubing and accidently kill one of us.
living in a tree
Saturday we went out for our anniversary. Blythe needed to attend the Symphony for her Music Theory class and so we took advantage of the trip into town to have a date. We thought we would have just enough time for a leisurely dinner, but the Symphony went extra long, so we went to the bookstore to walk around. Looking at books is one of our favorite things to do.
Richard saw a copy of My Side Of The Mountain and asked if I had ever read it to Fisher. I realized that I hadn’t and that he was just the right age for it. So, this afternoon I found one of our copies and started reading it with him. Sam Gribley has already worked his way right into Fisher’s heart and he can’t wait until we read tomorrow to find out how Sam ended up living in a tree far away from civilization. Fisher, with his love of nature, is quite a bit like Sam and this book is going to be such a treat for us to read together. I just hope Fisher sticks around and doesn’t decide to leave us for life in a tree!
What are your favorite read-alouds with your children?
nineteen
Nineteen years ago (right this minute) I was in the Salt Lake Temple being sealed to my Richard. It was a rainy, overcast day and we don’t have any great pictures. Actually, we have hardly any pictures of that day at all. We didn’t hire a photographer AND our house burned down seven short weeks after we were married, so all we have is a few pictures that my dad took.
But we have the memories.
Mine
- Absolutely knowing I was marrying the person I was supposed to marry.
- Feeling safe and secure, completely wrapped up in a cocoon of safety.
- Looking into his eyes across the altar and seeing giant reservoirs of gentle love.
- My mother-in-law giving me a big hug and saying “Thank you for making my son so happy.” Those words have stayed with me more than any other words that day.
- Taking pictures on the stairs on the east side of the temple and seeing all our friends and family huddled together under umbrellas and blankets…freezing while we smiled and tried to get the perfect shot (didn’t happen though).
- Walking through the rain to our wedding luncheon. Both of our families forgot us at the temple and we had to walk several big SLC blocks carrying my wedding dress and getting rained on.
- The fancy-schmancy dinner my dad took me to the night before and how wonderful it was to be with him, just the two of us. At the moment I had no idea how little I would see him after that (three times since then), but at the time of my wedding, I felt completely adored and cared for by my dad. After dinner, he and I walked around Temple Square talking and taking pictures in the dark. It was one of the best nights of my life.
- Four-year-old Mikelle greeting me after the ceremony with her bangs cut all skeewampus. She had taken a scissor to them herself and looked hilarious. She tried to give me a huge hug around my wedding dress and all I could do was stare at her hair in shock.
- My mom, grandma, and aunts all working for hours and hours at the reception to make it a special night for us and our guests.
- Changing into my wedding dress with Richard helping me with the zippers and skirts and buttons in the music room at my high school and feeling completely natural with him seeing me naked. I remember thinking how bizarre it was to feel like he had been helping me get dressed for my entire life when it was only the first time.
- Peace. The all-encompassing peace of being loved by Richard is a gift I cherish. It has been with me since that day, nineteen years ago. His love fills my being peace and allows me to feel the peace of God.
His
- Looking around at the faces of all the people in the Sealing room. So many people that were dear to my heart came and supported me as I made the most important decision of my life.
- Running through the rain to the wedding luncheon.
- Driving to Wyoming for our reception. To be with Tracy as my wife felt so natural and good and normal. I thought being married would feel weird, but it felt natural. It was a calm, peaceful assurance that this was right.
- I don’t like this memory, but I certainly can’t forget it – the panic that went through my whole being when I was told all my paperwork wasn’t in order to get married. Those were the longest twenty minutes of my life. I was more than relieved when the temple staff were able to get a hold of my bishop and get it all sorted out.
- The seriousness with which the temple staff prepared us for the ceremony. They were all careful about each piece of clothing being just right and wanted to make sure everything was in order and to make the day set apart and special for us. They wanted us to know that every single thing mattered.
Tonight we had dinner with sparkling cider and shared our favorite memories with each other as a family. Then Richard and I told the children to clean up dinner and put away all the laundry so we could have a reading-fest and finish Summer of the Monkeys. Unfortunately that isn’t going so well and the fighting is about to drive me bonkers. We are hoping that they will come downstairs and get us soon and surprise us with a spotless upstairs and smiling faces…but I am not holding my breath.
Richard surprised me with a new water bottle! I have been using my red Camelback that Tami gave me for my 35th for the past several years, but it broke last week. My new bottle is another red one, but this one has snowflakes all over it…pretty darn cute…and sure to get a lot of use since I go through about 3 quarts a day.
Happy Nineteenth…now to infinity and beyond!
daughter arise
This post has been on my mind for awhile now. I feel I need to share these thoughts, but I am finding words entirely inadequate to express my feelings. I do not want to diminish the depth of my experience by failing to capture it fully. But I think there is no other way.
On Wednesday, September 26, I went to the temple. For those of you who aren’t LDS, the temple is our most holy edifice and we go there to make covenants with God, to learn the path we must follow to return to Him, and to make those same covenants by proxy for our ancestors who did not have the opportunity to make those covenants in this life. The temple is my refuge from the world. It is a place I feel peace and receive answers. It is a place of joy and warmth and service and love. I have been spending a lot of time in the temple these past few months. More time than I ever have before as I have been immersed in doing my family’s work and allowing them to be sealed together as family units for time and all eternity.
That Wednesday, many of my ward members came to the temple with me to help me with my family’s ordinance work. Each time someone came in I thought my heart would burst with joy. I was so, so happy to see each person that came to help me.
As the night wore on, my hip started aching more and more. I could not get comfortable. I tried removing all weight from it by standing only on my left leg. I tried lying down on a couch, but I was hurting too much to be able to find a comfortable position. I tried talking myself out of the pain. I tried to walk around a little to loosen it up. I tried ignoring it. Nothing was working. Remember this was only about 36 hours after this post where I was completely baffled at how much pain I was in and how much worse my joint was doing.
Finally it was time for Richard and I to do sealings. This was the first time I had done sealings for my family and I was so looking forward to it. All summer long I had been working on doing the other ordinances and I finally had ten couples ready to be sealed together. Twenty special ancestors who were ready to become husband and wife again. My emotions were bursting out of me. I felt so much love for these people and couldn’t wait to give this gift to them.
Before the sealings I was able to spend about 25 minutes in the Celestial Room by myself. The Celestial Room is analogous to heaven and is my favorite place in the temple. I have never been alone in there before. Richard and I have sat inside praying and pouring our hearts out to God. I have spent time inside with friends and family, praying and rejoicing. But, I have never been in there alone.
I came in and oriented myself to the energy of the room. The peace. The stillness. The presence of God. Then I started praying. I prayed for my ancestors to accept Jesus into their hearts. I prayed that they would feel my love for them. I prayed that they would be able to feel God’s love for them. I prayed for them to be able to use the atonement and receive the peace that only Jesus can give them. When I had poured my heart out to my Father, I started praying for me. I told God how tired I was of hurting. I told him how hard this whole injury has been. I told him how I wanted to hold my children in my arms. I told him how I longed to mother with a body that works. I told him I knew that I could not solve this, that all my efforts were not working and that the only way the tissue would heal is if He would heal it. I pled with my Father to please, please, please, demonstrate His power through healing me. I asked Him to use me as he used Jairus’ daughter. I sobbed out my heart’s desires.
I told Him how grateful I was for the opportunity to be injured and to have the blessing of doing my family’s temple work. I thanked Him for the privilege of coming to know my Savior more deeply. I thanked Him for all the service and love that has been showered upon my head and that of my family. I thanked Him for my precious husband and his patience with all of this. And then I said that I was willing to continue on this path of injury if it was His will and if I just didn’t understand His purposes. I pled for strength and endurance. Finally, in a burst of tears, I asked Him to please, please lessen the pain.
And He did.
I can’t really describe it, but each day since then has been a little bit better. Each day the pain has been less. Each day the joint has been a little stronger.
God is healing me. I know there is no other answer. I know this is a manifestation of His power and His great love for me. I know He is teaching me to trust Him, to depend on Him, and to completely give my heart to Him.
I know.
And while I want you to know as well, it is enough that I know.
his voice
My heart is spilling over with gratitude today. Gratitude for the goodness of God. Gratitude for His patience with me. Gratitude for His majestic love. Gratitude for His voice.
He has been talking to me. Helping me learn to listen and then to act. Blessing me with His guidance.
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to change the world…to make it a happier, brighter, and more peaceful place. I remember as a little girl growing up in our family grocery store how much joy I felt when I helped others get their groceries to the car, or find something they needed in the store, or brought them a smile as they checked out. I remember jumping up and helping others AND having a great time doing it. I remember playing knock-and-run to our neighbors and people in our town who needed our help. I loved it then and I love it now. I love helping people have a brighter day and a more secure tomorrow. In many ways, it is what I was born to do.
As a grown up, this poem sums up my feelings much of the time.
Motherload
Motherhood has ruined me for life.
I want to nurse the world
A continent to a breast.
I want to cut up waffles
For all the third world
Send the dictator to his room
Ground the drug dealers
Wash out the pornographers’
Mouths with soap
And spray organized crime
With Black Flag.
I want to make all the politicians
And all the executives sit on the couch
And memorize the golden rule
And stand up and say it in unison.
I want to grab a bullhorn
And announce to the world
That barbecues will stop
Until all the litter–all the litter–
Has been picked up.
Oh, I could fix everything
If they would all just listen to me,
Listen to me,
Listen to me!
I have such illusions of grandeur:
I am a mother
~Carol Lynn Pearson
I am one of those people who would run off to a foreign land and spend my days bandaging wounds, feeding soup, and giving hugs. I would…if I could. And maybe I will someday. But God has called me to labor here in my home as a mother and to nurture these children He has blessed me with. While they are my first priority, those longings to save the world are ever present in my heart. Thus, Make It For Maggie was born. It all started back in 2009 when I first discovered Katie and Amazima. I could not rest until I created a way to be of service to Katie and the children she serves in Uganda. Women from all over the world joined with me in sewing pencil rolls for Katie’s schoolchildren and our family’s fall service project was born. The next year, my friend, Jodie Palmer, created Maggie’s Month and once again, I knew I needed to DO SOMETHING. I could not, NOT do something. Kat and I started brainstorming and Make It For Maggie was born. That first year was amazing. Things came together quickly (in three short weeks) and the outpouring of love from our community was enormous. In 2011, I really didn’t know if I was up to it. I had just been through an incredibly difficult six months with a breast lump and a variety of treatments and finally a lumpectomy that took me two months to recover from. But, Katherine was willing and God spoke to my heart, and with many helping hands we were able to create another wonderful event.
This year, there was no question in either of our minds if we would be doing it again. We are in for the long haul now. So back in August we started working on putting all the details together. By September things were rolling along, but we couldn’t decide on who our recipient should be. We had several excellent nominations and one fairly obvious choice, but as we prayed, we didn’t feel right about any of them. We went on planning, finding teachers, and working on the website, but we could not select our recipient with any amount of peace in our hearts. It was bizarre. In past years we knew exactly who we were working so hard for and had a central purpose driving us. This year, we had to keep working without knowing who all of this was going to bless. More prayers. More pondering. No peace. More work. More teachers. More people asking us over, and over, and over again WHO the recipient would be. More courage to wait until the peace came. More nominations. More prayers. No peace.
This went on for weeks and was a tad unnerving. But, we couldn’t feel right about just selecting someone because they needed our help. We wanted and needed to have confirmation from God that who we were choosing was right.
Registration was supposed to open on Saturday, but on Saturday we still didn’t know who our recipient was. Then, finally, yesterday, the answer came, with power and peace, it came.
I know this is long, but bear with me. It is worth it.
Last Sunday at church, when my heart was breaking over our ward split that would be happening in a few short hours, God spoke to me and told me to ask my friend, Heather, if there was someone at her church (where we meet for iFamily) who needed MIFM’s help. I thought, “Oh, that is a good idea.” But, I didn’t do anything about it. I think I believed I could still solve this whole thing and so even though time was fleeing rapidly, I didn’t call Heather. On Wednesday morning, as I was showering before I went to the temple with Keziah for her first time, I heard God speak to me again. He said “Tracy, someone is adopting children and they need your help.” I thought in my mind “Oh, we don’t do adoptions, we do children with disabilities.” Again, “Tracy, someone is adopting children and they need you.” “Hmmm,” I thought.
Later that day at iFamily, I shared with Heather our inability to feel peaceful about any of our nominations and the prompting God had given me on Sunday to speak to her about it. She told me about a family in her church who has two children with severe disabilities and told me she would find out more about their needs and how MIFM could help them. I thought, “Hmmm, maybe this is our family. I hope Heather finds out more quickly so we can make a decision and move forward.” As I turned to walk away, she kind of mumbled something about another family in their church who were adopting from the DRC. I froze in my tracks and asked her for more information. She couldn’t give me much, but I felt like this might be the answer we had been praying for. I still wasn’t sure and was rather unsettled by the whole thing. I kept thinking, “We don’t do adoptions. This can’t be right…but what if it is?”
But I kept thinking about it. On Thursday I told Kat about it and she wanted more information as well. Friday I left for SLC and our amazing temple trip. Sunday was spent watching General Conference and then working on the MIFM website into the wee hours of the morning. Monday was the last day to decide. We had postponed registration from Saturday to Tuesday in the hopes of having our recipient selected and our registration process smoothed out, but here it was Monday morning and still no recipient we knew was right. I kept pleading with God to teach me, to show me who we needed to select, to show me the path. Nothing. More website work. Finally, I called Kat and said “We must decide.”
And then we knew. We were flooded with peace. We knew we were to select TWO families and that one of them was our obvious choice from up above and the other was the adopting family from Heather’s church. I immediately called Heather and found out more about this family. It turns out that Todd, is the Youth Pastor at their church and is well-loved by many of our friends. It turns out that they have been praying and working for many months to raise the money they need to travel to pick up their sons. It turns out they had just made an awesome movie to share their message and their need. It turns out their seven-year-old son, JT, had just prayed that very morning for God to send them help.
And He did. JT, He did. He sent two crazy mamas who want to alleviate all the suffering in the world, but know they can’t, so instead they spread joy and love and goodness and build a community of people dedicated to changing the world one family at a time.
I can’t even begin to put into words my feelings about this. It is overwhelming to know, clearly know, God led us to this family who has been praying for someone just like us to find them. It is humbling to think of being an instrument in His hands. It is my desire to more fully align my will with His so He can use me more fully to bless His children.
So grateful.
Want to learn more about our recipients for this year? Check them out over at Make It For Maggie, then either click on the Registration button or the Donate button and join us in Changing The World One Family At A Time.
Thank you, God, for teaching me once again whose work this is and how much you love your children.
fisher’s baptism
I have had a glorious weekend attending the Salt Lake Temple and LDS General Conference and I can’t wait to share my thoughts from the past few days, but before I go there, I have to write about Fisher’s baptism.
This precious boy has prayerfully and solemnly been preparing to make covenants with his Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ.
He has been studying the Articles of Faith and reading the Book of Mormon and New Testament with me. He has been thinking about how to give his heart to the Lord and serve Him more fully as his disciple. It has been a wonderful time answering his questions and helping him understand the doctrines of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
His baptism service was beautiful. Many of our friends joined us to witness and celebrate his decision and my heart filled up with joy as each special person came into the room.
Fisher had planned out the whole program the Sunday before and it was so fun to see him thinking so carefully about who should do what for his program. Richard’s parents gave the prayers. My mom gave a powerful talk on baptism and taking on the name of Christ and Blythe spoke about the Holy Ghost and how He will guide and comfort Fisher throughout his life. I loved them both! All of the children sang Come Into The Water and did really well, even though it was one of those late night decisions, teensy-tiny bit of practice time things. Keziah sang Gethsemane – I don’t think I will ever tire of hearing her sing that song.
Singing right before Fisher is baptized.
Still dry
Fresh out of the water
Richard baptized and confirmed Fisher and really, there are no words to describe his blessing. It was incredibly powerful and full of the Spirit. I cried through the whole thing.
Grandma and Grandpa
This photo cracks me up! We are trying desperately to get all the wiggly children to hold still for just one small moment and the more we tried, the crazier it got. I love how my mom and Aliysa are the only ones looking at the camera and my mom looks SO done with all the craziness!
Here we are a little more put together.
We served mini-cheesecakes and cookies at the end and asked everyone to write Fisher a note before they selected their refreshments. Mayhem ensued! Here is one pile of children writing their notes as quick as they can.
I am making a book for Fisher out of all their notes.
I am so grateful for this precious boy and the joy he gives me. I am grateful for the opportunity to teach his tender heart all about Jesus and the love He has for him. I am grateful for family and friends who supported us and made the evening a wonderful event for my son.
Today he is begging to fast next week on Fast Sunday. Umm, yeah, of course, you can was my rather shocked response.
Here are the three of us at the end of the night…still on my feet, wahoo!
p.s. Here is my mom’s talk…for those who want to read it.
We’re here to share a special day with Fisher and he’s asked me to talk for a few minutes on baptism.
You know there are so many stories and lessons in the scriptures. And Jesus used symbols and to help us to learn and remember them. Let’s think of some symbols.
In the story of the Tree of Life there are some symbols. There’s the tree. There’s the rod. There’s the great and spacious building. All of those mean something. The tree stands for God’s love. The rod represents the Word of God. The building stands for pride and wickedness.
Let’s think of some other scriptures that have symbols.
The scriptures about Moses had many symbols in them. Do you remember the staff or the serpent? Can you remember what it stood for? I know your family celebrates and observes Passover and so you know those symbols. There was the parting of the Red Sea, which is how the Lord rescued and saved the Israelites. And that is a symbol that he will also rescue and save all of us.
There are symbols associated with baptism, too. Let’s think of some.
First we have
Water
Immersion
White clothes
Renewal
Covenant
Authority
New name
I remember when you were born and your parents were trying to give you the most perfect name. A name just for you. They loved the name Fisher. They loved the scripture in Jeremiah (Jer 16:16) that your Mom just read.
You have two special names.
Your family has a tradition of giving special middle names that have a scriptural or Hebrew meaning. Eli is also a special name. It means My God. So altogether, your names means a Fisher for my God – a missionary – a disciple that brings others toward God.
And now you are taking on another name. This is also the most perfect name. A name just for you! This will be the name you receive at baptism. You will take the name of Christ. Or to say it another way, you will become a Christian. You will serve Jesus and his Church and set new priorities in your life. You might start to think about receiving the Aaronic Priesthood. You might start thinking about going on a mission. You might start thinking about going to the temple.
And baptism is the very first step of all of those things.
Some people wonder why we need to be baptized. They say it isn’t really necessary. They can still be good people and still do good things even if they aren’t baptized. But, we know that it is more than just an option — more than just a suggestion. You remember in the New Testament that John the Baptist was busy teaching and baptizing people where he was preaching. And he was surprised when Jesus came to him and asked to be baptized. John knew that Jesus had never sinned, so he didn’t think Jesus would need to be baptized. But Jesus told John that being baptized was a commandment from Heavenly Father, and he wanted to obey all of Heavenly Father’s commandments. It’s That important! It is so important that even Jesus, who was absolutely perfect, was also baptized.
So remember, this is the first step to returning to live with your Heavenly Father.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Beautiful isn’t it?
twelve
It is finally here. Miss Keziah is twelve. At least she will be at 12:36 a.m. You can read all about her birth and her past birthday posts (2011, 2010, 2009) if you want to know more about this lovely young lady.
I remember my twelfth birthday. My father left on my twelfth birthday to start a new life. I remember begging him to take me with him because I couldn’t begin to imagine my life without him. I remember being full of anger. More anger than I could hold within me and it exploding out of me again and again and again over the next many years. I remember missing him so, so much.
Today as I looked at her as she listened to Little Women for the umpteenth time, I saw her beautiful face with freckles and fiery eyes and I was overcome with gratitude that she is not facing the same challenges I faced. Her father is not leaving her. Her family is not falling apart. Her parents are committed to each other and committed to her. My heart welled up with joy for the privilege she has of being a child and not being forced to be a grown-up long before she is ready.
See, she is having a little bit of a hard time transitioning to youth-dom. She is getting sillier by the day.
And while it is driving us all batty, it is okay, because she doesn’t have to be anything else. She can be silly if she wants to be. She doesn’t have to be the peacemaker like I needed to be. She doesn’t have to listen to grown-up concerns and carry them. She can be a twelve-year-old girl who is super responsible most of the time and pretty silly the rest of the time.
Tomorrow, on her actual birthday, I am taking her to the temple for her first time. She will enter the waters of baptism for her ancestors – my father’s ancestors, and feel the Spirit of the Lord in His Holy House. She will then go to the Salt Lake Temple on Friday and be baptized again – this time in the place her parents, great-grandparents, and great-great grandparents were married and sealed. She will become a welding link between these two families. This has been her plan for the last six months and I am thrilled to pieces to make it happen for her. Saturday she will get to go to General Conference with her friends and they are planning on throwing in some thrift store shopping as well. Sounds like a pretty fabulous twelfth birthday.
What else is Keziah up to besides silliness? Well, she loves teaching a class at iFamily to the little three – six year olds and has all of her lesson plans ready weeks in advance. Running, swimming, violin, piano, gymnastics, and kayaking are all big interests and she recently started taking ballet at our friend’s studio. She is playing in a beginning Orchestra at iFamily and can’t get enough of it. She organizes (and reorganizes) everything in her life and doesn’t understand what is wrong with the rest of us and our chaotic ways. She used to be obsessed with the color blue, but now she is obsessed with all things Zebra. Bizarre, if you ask me, but we did get her two zebra things for her birthday that she is going to shriek (loudly!) over. She has a hard time being serious and I spend much of my time trying to get into her soul. Sometime, someday, I will find her deep thoughts buried and they will amaze me, I’m sure of it.
Her birthday book for this year is Moses: When Harriet Tubman Led Her People To Freedom. I also considered The Librarian of Basra: A True Story From Iraq and The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland In A Ship Of Her Own Making (which I did end up getting for her birthday, but not for her birthday book. I just couldn’t resist the fanciful tale of September traveling through Valente’s magical world! And, hey, Book Two came out today!)
What a lovely, inspiring book! I am swooning over the art and the story, but most especially Harriet’s prayers and God’s answers to his precious daughter. I chose this book because I want Keziah to know, really know, she can AND must rely on God as she sojourns through this life. He will guide her, comfort her, and show her what her mission is. He will. I want this knowledge to sink into the marrow of her soul. She is super competent in most areas of her life and super competent people sometimes have a hard time relying on God. I know because I have been there. I hope she is inspired by Harriet’s courage, dedication, and most off all, her humility and willingness to trust God’s plan for her life. Keziah is a do-er and if she will let God lead her, she will do great things.
All three of my girlies
Happy Birthday Keziah. Thank you for being exactly who you are and being such a blessing to our family. We love you.
so good, so, so good
My heart is full to bursting tonight! I have had four great days in a row! Four days of low pain & good movement!
I need to post about Fisher’s baptism, his awesome new scripture case, my Wednesday night temple trip, and tonight’s Relief Society meeting, but before I move my brain on to any of those post topics, I need to shout Hallelujah and Praise the Lord!
Today I walked a long ways. All over the Farmer’s Market, five blocks to the headband shop for my lil’ sis to buy herself a magic exercise headband, all over another shopping center with my mama and sister, and then I stood tonight for two hours at the Relief Society Broadcast.
Unheard of! This is amazing!!!! I am lying in bed now and it is sore, but just a teensy-weensy bit and I am not even icing it.
I know God gave me this gift of healing. I have done everything I can and it wasn’t enough. Just a few short days ago I had to spend the day in bed icing it all day long. Monday and Tuesday I was ready to give up. I could not get on top of the pain and I didn’t know what else to do.
Then I went to the temple on Wednesday and I served my ancestors by performing ordinance work for them and I prayed and I listened and I prayed some more. I asked God to please, please heal me. Please let me be a miracle for Thee to show Thy power and mercy. Please heal me so I can mother my children more fully. Please take away this pain. No one else can heal me, only Thee. Only Thy power can knit this tissue together. Only Thy power can take away this pain. Please. I love Thee and I am willing to do what Thou asks of me. I will live with this pain if I must, but if Thou wilt, please take it away.
And He did.
He is so good. So, so good.
I don’t know how long this will last, but I know, absolutely know, God gave me these precious days of healing to show me His power and His love for me.
Thank you.
lost and found
I am not morbidly depressed. But I am a tad worn down. My ward’s upcoming split in five short days has me moving inward. The pain in my hip is starting to feel like a permanent resident.
And I have passed the seven month mark. Seven months of missing out on things.
Today, this is what I miss about having a functioning hip.
- Not hurting. Even on my good days, there is still pain. It is just that it is so much less than excruciating that it almost feels like a party.
- Sitting
- Snuggling up on the couch with my babies.
- Having meals with my family where I can see their faces and carry on a conversation
- Being able to bounce around with excitement
- Holding Annesley
- Playing outside with my children
- Sex
- Sitting with my family during church
- Talking about other things than my hip
- Not thinking about how to plan out my days to accomplish what needs to be done before my hip gives out for the day
- Riding my bike
- Doing back handsprings
- Laying next to Richard comfortably
- Fall canning
- Driving myself wherever I want to go
- Getting my socks off all by myself
- Being a person who can be counted on to serve others
- Scrubbing my kitchen floor
- Knowing my body can do anything I ask it to
- Mowing the lawn
- Carrying heavy loads
- Going to a movie
- Having a body that is in sync with my exuberant personality
I miss those things. Badly. I want them back.
I am also grateful for some things.
- The opportunity to be served so generously and thoroughly by friends who truly love me.
- The privilege to be called of God to do my genealogy.
- The patience and tenderness of my husband.
- The nurturing my children have given me.
- The windows of time where I can move faster, stay on my feet longer, and hurt less.
- The encouraging words, smiles, and hugs that so many people bless me with.
- Annesley’s proficiency at making PB & J.
- A bathtub I can soak in.
- A water heater that is clinging on to life and still gives us a little hot water each day.
- A vehicle that I can drive short distances if I configure the seats just so. Gangster style.
- The health of my children. We haven’t been hit with a big illness since I was injured…such a blessing!
- Richard’s energy work. It takes away the pain like nothing else. I don’t know where I would be without his almost nightly hip sessions.
- My Savior. I know I am in His hands.
Does that make any sense? To have a heart chock-full and spilling over with gratitude and at the same time to be SO DONE with the pain and ready to be healed? Will I not be healed till there is only gratitude? Please tell me no, because otherwise it might be awhile till I can only see the good.
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
