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Read-A-Thon!
The books came last night after my Ozone Treatment and thanks to my superstar friends, Kat & Jess, they all got sorted, boxed up, and ready to be shipped out!
Kids playing in boxes…trust me, they are inside those boxes, but they wouldn’t poke a foot out!
Dutifully checking off all the books to make sure they arrived. I like photos from this angle much better than the front.
Jessica trying to teach me to smile like a movie star since the moment a camera is pointed in my general direction my face goes into some ridiculous configuration that makes me look like a goofball. See below.
Kat concentrating hard while Jess was giving me photo lessons. Every one needs a brilliant Kat in their life.
Me laughing so hard over the ridiculous photo shoot instructions that I peed my pants and couldn’t get up, so Kat and Jess had to lift me up and then laugh their heads off at my pee covered bum.
Thank you to everyone who helped make it a success! A lot of children are going to be diving into some beautiful books!
i survived
Yes, I did! Yesterday’s Ozone injections were nothing at all like the first round. These ones were totally do-able! Still a lot of pressure, still the pain of any injection, but none of the I-am-going-to-die-and-maybe-I-wish-I-would-because-this-is-so-bad pain.
My super-duper friends, Jennifer and Kat, drove me down, fed me a delicious breakfast of green smoothies and Gator Bites with Eggs, and loved on me all day. Even when I was crying and going to puke from the fear. Even when I was almost ready to move into panic mode. Even when I started blubbering about money and the lack of it. Even when I held their hands for dear life. They were lovely “injection-doulas” and I needed them every step of the way.
But then I did fine. My body didn’t go into freak-out-pain mode and I was able to talk through the whole thing. I was able to get off the table about ten minutes later and actually get myself dressed. I was able to walk out of the office.
Amazing!
I felt so good afterwards that I went with them to go look at Jenn’s new house and even though I shouldn’t have I could not resist walking through her woods. Unfortunately, after our jaunt through the trees I was so sore I thought I might puke from the pain. Jessica and Kat came to my rescue and brought me home, fed me some more delicious food and helped me sort out the books for the Read-A-Thon (they did the sorting, I did the paperwork from my all too familiar horizontal position).
Today I am still sore and pretty tired, but I am walking and full to the brim with gratitude that this treatment plan seems to be working.
Thank you to everyone that prayed for me and helped me get through yesterday! I needed you more than you can ever know.
i may be losing my mind
Last night I moved over into full-blown insanity…and while I recognize that I have taken residence in the loony-bin, I can’t seem to move myself out of it.
See, I have now been walking, yes, walking, in an upright-vertical position for a week. It seems I am doing much better. For the last several days I have been the recipient of gobs of hugs and shouts of exclamation about my new walking skills. I was able to kneel down a few days ago for family prayer. I have driven two times this week.
Sounds like a huge improvement, right?
Here is where the insanity comes in.
I have NO idea if I am really doing any better. I still hurt…a lot. So I can’t really convince myself I am doing any better. When I brought this up with Richard last night, he nearly fell to the ground in a laughing spell because to him it is so obvious that I am doing better. After being in bed for nine, dreadfully long weeks, his wife is upright again. He can’t understand why I am questioning this. But, I am questioning it. See, I don’t really KNOW that I couldn’t have somehow driven, walked, or kneeled a few weeks ago because maybe, just maybe, I just didn’t try hard enough to do those things. Maybe my pain now isn’t any less than my pain would have been then. Maybe I just needed to try harder and I could have lived with the pain like I am living with the pain now.
I am so worried about investing all our dollars, all our everything, in these Ozone treatments and then find out in six months that they didn’t really work or that I really should have had surgery. I do not want to make a mistake when so much is at stake (yes, I know there are much bigger issues out there in the world, but right now my mobility feels like a rather large issue since it is impacting the functioning of our family so dramatically). I want to know that these dollars are going to where they need to go and that I will really heal.
The thoughts have swirled about in my head all week long, contradicting one another and adding angst to my life until last night I collapsed into bed in one jumbled up pile of confusion…with my husband still laughing at me and my apparent insanity.
Four days till I have to face the injections again. Four days to work up my courage. Four days to convince myself that it is working and my vertical state of being is not only real, but truly formerly impossible.
Four days till the pain…
fiar: katy and the big snow
I love this book. Today Fisher, Annes, and I curled up in my bed and read Katy and the Big Snow for the gazillionth time. We found all sorts of things on the map and Annesley cheered Katy on as she worked herself through the Geopolis snow drifts. Virginia Lee Burton created stories my children beg for over and over again and I love her for it. I would kiss her if I was anywhere near her. I remember reading The Little House to Blythe and highlighting all the sight words to help her learn to read them. I remember the first time I read Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel to Fisher and how his little boy mind latched right onto the idea of a big machine doing a big job and how he wanted to do big jobs too.
Reading to my children is one of my very favorite things to do. Infusing them with a love of literature, beautiful illustrations, and characters that speak to their hearts is a privilege I take seriously. I strive to surround them with books that will build their little souls into people who stand true, fight hard, and serve well. What are your favorite books to grow your children into their best selves?
progress
I have been down since February 20. I have left my house on Wednesdays for iFamily and Fridays for gym and that is pretty much all. I have taught my classes lying down on a couch or a cheese and have been in large amounts of pain while doing it. I have run my home from a horizontal position for the past 9 weeks.
It has been really, really hard.
For the first five weeks we believed I had a stress fracture in my acetabulum. Then my friends dragged me to an MRI with Arthrogram and we found out I have a labral tear. Unfortunately, that was not good news as surgery and months of recovery time (and months of waiting time for the surgery) are not great options…surgery is expensive and I do not have health insurance, surgery would be done in SLC – quite a ways from my home, it can’t be done until August, which means I will be down till the New Year. Nuts, really. The more I thought about it, the more I felt there had to be another solution. I started researching all night long and found a treatment called Prolozone and decided to give it a try. Prolozone is an injection of ozone, vitamins, and minerals into the injury site and it is supposed to actually heal torn and damaged tissue. After researching it ad nauseum, I scheduled my appointment for last Wednesday.
I was pretty much scared to death of the injection, but I decided I was strong and brave and could do hard things. Besides all that, I had to admit I was really, really desperate to avoid surgery and surely some injections were a MUCH better option. Now, I am not so sure!
I had been told it would burn really badly for about 5 seconds. I decided to prepare myself for 2 minutes of pain to be on the safe side. The injection did hurt…badly. But what hurt worse was the pain coursing through my hip socket, gluteus maximus, sacral-illiac ridge, and up and down my leg. It felt as though someone was pulling my patella off, yanking my little toe out of my body, and that my body would never, ever, stop shaking. This intense, overwhelming level of pain, lasted for 21 minutes, which was a heck of a lot longer than I had prepared for. When it finally dissipated, it was time for the injection right into the labrum. I was basically terrified. Courage from somewhere deep in my bones welled up and I agreed to move forward. This injection was just as bad as the first, but the pain didn’t last, it subsided within about 90 seconds, which was totally doable.
Afterwards, it took about 30 minutes for my blood pressure to come back up enough for me to get off the table. It felt like my entire right side of my body was dead and buried about 5 stories below the rest of me. Very odd sensation.
Walking out of the office was excruciating. I could only move my leg about one inch at a time, so it took us a long while to make it to the car. The rest of the day was pretty bad as well. Lots of pain, lots of light-headedness, lots of white skin, lots of “I-don’t-know-if-I-will-ever-stop-hurting”, lots of fear.
Thursday was more of the same.
Friday I could walk.
Saturday I could walk better and even ventured to the park with my family to lay down on a blanket in the sun.
Sunday I was pretty sore, but still walking and I ventured to church to partake of the sacrament.
Monday I was walking pretty darn speedily and even wrestled my bike trailer into my mom’s car so my sister can borrow it for the summer. Pretty amazing, eh?
And today? Today I am still walking. And I am sitting at my computer right this minute. And I am not dying in pain.
So, I think this is progress. Huge amounts of progress. I still don’t know if I have enough courage to go back next week for the next round of injections, but I am working on building it up.
a new quest
I have a new project. Project may not be the right word because in reality it is much more ginormous than a project.
I have decided to do genealogy.
Yes, you may have thought genealogy was something old people did. Well, now it is something this youngster is doing. Maybe since my body is behaving like an old person’s body it will all work out?
Anyway, I don’t know anything about my dad’s side of the family. As in nothing at all. Not their names. Not their relationships. Not anything. Through a series of spiritual experiences, I have come to realize that it is time for me to change that. It is time for me to let them into my heart.
And miracles are happening.
I have only been working on this since Sunday and in the past couple of days, I have learned all sorts of things about these people that are, in fact, my family. I feel a strong connection to my dad’s grandma, Sallie. I have already figured out who all of her children are and all of her siblings. I have worked my fingers into the wee night hours entering in their information. I have found gravestone pictures, census records, and a super-duper family history expert that is a third cousin. I have figured out how to use Family Search. I have had an amazing conversation with my father and learned more about his life than I have ever known before.
All in the past fifty hours or so.
My heart has been softened towards these not-to-be-strangers anymore and I have decided I even love them. Pretty weird feelings for a girl who thought she only had one family line. Yes, this is bigger than a project – it is a transformation of my soul.
annesleyisms on a friday afternoon
I got a disappointing phone call today at the end of gym from the doctor’s office I have been waiting to hear from all week. They told me it would be at least five months before I could have surgery with them. Five stinkin’ months…uuuugggghhhh. I held it together till I got home. Then I laid down on my bed and started a Sudoku puzzle hoping to distract myself from the pain in my hip and the despair in my heart. Unfortunately, the puzzle was not as effective as I was hoping and I started sobbing. Gut-wrenching, can’t-get-my-breath sobs. I could not stop crying. I was full of hopelessness, full of discouragement, full of confusion and questioning and pain. Full to the brim with overwhelmedness (I think that should be a word, so I am using it…it is the state of being overwhelmed) and my seeming inability to receive answers from God.
I cried and cried and cried. Then I called my mom and thought I could talk to her about it and she would somehow help me feel all better. Instead, I started talking about it and started crying more profusely. I don’t know if she could even understand me as I poured my heart out into the phone in between crying jags. Pain poured out of me until there was nothing left but a shivering, shaky body that needed to be wrapped up in a hug. I calmed down and tried to get myself under control. I ate some food and tried to think logically about this whole frustrating situation.
Then I tried to study for my Worldviews class, but couldn’t really focus on it. My heart was still hurting too deeply to be able to focus on Islam and Postmodernism.
Then Annesley came in with this letter for me:
She said she would read it to me. In her most serious reading voice, she squinted at the page and read me her note.
I love you and you love me because your heart is a gift from Jesus because Jesus loves you. And I love Jesus and Jesus loves me. Jesus was borned and was a baby and then he growed up. Then the bad guys came and put pointy things in his head and put him on the cross. They put nails in his left hand and nails in his right hand and nails in his feet. Mom, I love you. Thank you for being my mom.
She is such a ray of sunshine and her precious words helped the tears and the fear and the pain leave. I can’t even tell you how much I need her in my life.
God, thank you for giving her to me. I need to remember and focus on the blessings Thou hast blessed me with.
passover seder 2012
Last night we held our annual Passover Seder! We invited my Worldviews students, their parents and one student’s younger siblings to come experience our favorite holiday of the year. Due to my need to be horizontal at almost all times, my girls did most of the set-up and cleaning all day Thursday and then Keziah stayed home from gymnastics on Friday to finish up. It is a huge production to create AND it is absolutely worth it. I assigned out almost all of the food to my students (and I hope they made it, not their mothers, but I don’t know what really happened there), so setting up the ceremonial plates after people arrived took quite a bit of time and effort by everyone. The pictures are grainy, but they are all I have, so I am posting them anyway.
Fisher took over a new role this year as the “youngest child” who asks the Four Questions. He did a great job – I was SO proud of him for speaking loudly enough that our large group could hear him. It takes him quite a bit of courage to speak in front of people and he worked hard to be ready for his special job.
Annesley and her little friend, Elijah, sat by each other and whispered non-stop the whole night about matzah, juice, eggs, salt water, Elijah the prophet, boils, darkness, frogs, and Jesus. It was so precious to hear them jabbering away so excitedly for hours on end.
Excuse the blurriness…
Blythe took over my role as the woman of the house who lights the festival candles. She did a great job for her first time. In her own eventual family, she will play this role many times. I loved catching a glimpse of her future.
Keziah was the lucky child who found the afikomen! I think this is the first time one of our children has found the hidden matzah. Our hider was so sneaky it took a loooonnnnggggg time for them to find it and unfortunately Fisher banged his eye on a cinder block under our specially built Passover table and cried his eyes out for ages.
I brought a cheese (wedge-shaped mat) home from gym and laid on it during our three hour meal. It worked out perfectly! Unfortunately we didn’t get a picture of me on it.
I am so thankful to our guests for bringing the food and to my girls for setting everything up. A few weeks into this injury, I realized I was not going to be able to do Passover. It about broke my heart, so I started brainstorming how to make it happen in spite of the pain and need to be off my feet. When I proposed my food and set-up plan, everyone jumped at the chance to be involved and through many hands and hearts, we did it!
Richard breaking the matzah
A few of my students…how I love these boys!
A few of my girls…love them too!
More of the crowd
Five of them…missing three of them
Our guests loving on the puppies
Brother Jones getting the Fruit of the Vine ready…master filler! If you look carefully you can see my black skirt and grey legs in the bottom right of the picture laying down on my cheese.
Brother Lamoreaux topping off the pitchers
Somehow, we didn’t get a complete group photo like we usually do! Where is my brain sometimes? We had 25 people at our Seder Table, plus a place set for Elijah in case he showed up. As a side note, the part of our Seder about Elijah really touched me this year. I cried as I thought about the mission of Elijah to turn the hearts of the children to the fathers and the hearts of the fathers to the children. I am experiencing some pretty amazing miracles right now with Elijah’s role in bringing families together and last night I was overcome with the reality of it all. Such a tender mercy.
Thank you to everyone who helped make this happen! We were thrilled to be able to share it with you!
Here are some past Passover memories and some explanations of why we celebrate Passover: 2011, 2010.
quick update
I have a labral tear.
I need surgery.
Expensive surgery.
I am trying to hold on to faith and not slide over to fear…but some moments the fear takes over.
Tomorrow is Passover.
Yippee-Skippee!
Passover is my very favorite holiday of the whole year. I cannot even tell you how much I treasure this celebration of God’s love and mercy for his children.
We have invited my Worldviews students and their parents to share our Seder with us.
This is a lot of work.
I think Keziah has been working all day long washing the special dishes, setting the table, making sure everything is just right.
I haven’t figured out how to lay down at the table yet. The table is about 14 inches off the floor and everyone else will be sitting on the floor. Unfortunately, I can’t sit. At all. Any ideas?
In spite of this ridiculous injury, I have decided to do a nationwide Home School Read-A-Thon. It is a lot of work. It is going to make a difference in the world and right now I feel like I am being served and served and served. This is an opportunity for me to help give back some goodness and bless others. If you would like to participate, just leave a comment and I will send the forms. It is open to everyone…not just homeschoolers, but I created it for home schooled students to be able to do something super cool, read a lot, earn books for themselves, and earn books for an organization in their area that needs books. Our local area is donating books to a homeless shelter. So excited about it!
Fisher and Annes are fascinated by the human body right now. They keep finding books about it and having me show them every.single.part.of.the.body. They love figuring out how their poop gets out of their body and where I am injured. Cracks me up to see how interested they are in anat and phys!
Brain spill done. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled lives.
777
Posts that is. Yippee-skippee!
When I noticed a string of sevens turn up on my blog dashboard last night, I wanted to do a happy dance. See, I love the number seven. It is the most holy number…ever. It means covenant, perfect, complete, promise. To me it symbolizes God’s majesty, goodness, and perfect plan for His children.
And now I have written 777 posts in the past three years of blogging here at my little home on the web.
Seeing all those sevens brings joy to my soul.
Fun facts about me and the number seven:
I was born on the 7th
At 7:00
After seven minutes of pushing
I weighed 7 lbs.
My first child was born on the 7th.
And weighed 7 lbs.
My second child’s middle name is the number seven in Hebrew.
What is your favorite number and why?
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
