the descent

Jul 23, 2012

I dread this day every month. It is the day my progesterone levels plummet and I become morbidly depressed, irrationally irritable, and all things bleh.

It is a new thing. It started August 2010, when I miscarried for the 10th time, and it has happened every month since then. Every single month.

It is more than even I, with my super-bubbly, high-energy persona, can handle. Instead of being able to put on my happy face and either think or muscle my way through it, I fall into a deep chasm of moroseness.

I would like to figure out how to approach this with mindfulness, to appreciate the different perspective, and to use this time to surrender my outward self in order to become more in tune with my inward self. All of that sounds lovely. Unfortunately I haven’t come remotely close to that ideal even once.

Instead, I rant and rave and nag and complain about everything under the sun. I drive my loved ones away from me and bury myself in bowl of ice cream.

I would like it to be different. I would like to figure out how my body and spirit need nurtured so I can stop lashing out as I flail downward into the abyss. I would like to handle it with grace.


Maybe that is what is needed. Maybe God can succor me in a way ice cream doesn’t.

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  1. Oh Tracy– I SO struggle with PMS too. I have several days where I feel like a failure, I will never measure up, my kids will never be obedient etc. etc. I cry on the worst of those days, and then my period starts. My 10 -14 day long period. I wish I could find some good, spiritual reason for it all too…

    • tracy


      10-14 days? So sorry! Thank you for commiserating with me.

  2. Please let us know what you figure. Every month I spiral into a downward slump, not as bad as you, but it’s frustrating. Grace sounds like a good solution