one year later and wiser, too

Feb 25, 2013

one year later and wiser, too

Wednesday, February 20 marked the one year anniversary of my labral tear (if you would like to read the whole story of my injury, here is the archive of all the hip posts). I wanted to commemorate this time…I needed to commemorate this time to bring me some sort of okay-ness about having a whole year pass by and me still being injured. For the past week or more I had been living in a deep, dark hole of despair that year after year after year will pass by and I will continue to have hip pain, continue to be unable to do the things I yearn to do, and continue to be unable to have a baby.

So, on Tuesday I made a decision to cut my hair. If I was feeling frumpy and grumpy, I figured, at least I could look cute on the outside. Then I decided to throw a Hippie Party for myself and as many friends as could come. Then I decided to attend the temple.

All good choices, but I couldn’t figure out how on earth I would have the energy for all of them. Somehow it all worked out. Tuesday I was able to get in with my friend Becky’s stylist at the very last minute and she did a great job cutting my hair while I propped myself up in her chair on two large pillows. Wednesday I attended the temple and had a precious experience with the Lord. Thursday a whole gang of hippies devoured seven PARTY size gator bites.

It was exactly what I needed. I needed to tame my hair, re-covenant with the Lord that I was still committed to doing the work He has asked me to do with my ancestors, and laugh myself silly with my friends.

I am feeling much more at peace about being at the year mark and still being injured. I am learning to accept that this may be my life. I may always have this hip injury and the resulting pain and inability to do all the things I want. I am not thrilled at that idea, but I am learning to have some measure of peace about it.

I have learned a lot over the past year. Lessons I want to remember forever…lessons I don’t want to try to remember, but instead hope they have become part of my soul and will serve me for the rest of my life.

  • God knows me.
  • God loves me.
  • My Richard is full of love for me and will do anything to help me.
  • My children are strong.
  • Pain is a humbling affliction.
  • Pain turns me to the Lord.
  • Pain gets really old, really quick, changes perceptions and behaviors, and I need to have compassion on others who are hurting, physically or spiritually.
  • Laughter is good for my soul.
  • We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.
  • God can heal me. My job is to trust Him.
  • My ancestors know me.
  • My ancestors love me.
  • My family of aunts, uncles, and cousins is amazing and full of support and love for me.
  • Healing is a process, both physically and spiritually.
  • The power of God is real.
  • Priesthood blessings can and do work miracles.
  • My support network of friends and family is absolutely wonderful. When I think back on the past year of service I have been given I am completely overwhelmed with tears of gratitude. I have been fed, clothed, driven, held, prayed for, loved, cleaned for, hugged, and anything else I have needed for the past twelve months. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Every single act of kindness has been recorded in my heart and has got me through many dark days.
  • Immersing myself in the word of God brings peace.
  • Spending time in the temple brings joy.
  • Reality is not always what it seems to be.
  • Some things are unexplainable with our mortal minds.
  • Miracles happen. Daily.
  • Clean sheets can transform me.
  • Life goes on in spite of what is going on in my individual life.
  • Little things make a big difference in my ability to cope. I want to be one of those little things for others who are struggling to cope as well.
  • Jesus’ atonement is the only thing I really, really need. Coming to depend solely on Him is what I am here to learn.
  • The covenants made in the house of the Lord change souls.
  • Love always wins.
  • God is teaching me and will continue to do so so I can grow in His ways.
  • Living in the moment is a much better plan than living in fear of the future.
  • There are seasons in our lives. I can learn and grow in each season of my life instead of wishing to be in a different season.
  • Teaching my children is a precious stewardship.
  • My marriage is a gift from God and I need to treat it as such. Richard is such a special treasure and I am blessed beyond measure to have him as my eternal companion. His love for me has created in me a new being and enabled me to fully trust God and give Him my heart.

Now for some pictures from our awesome Hippie Party. Everyone dressed up as a hippie (except for Joy, who is dressed up as a Scout, having rushed over from Den Meeting!) wrote on my poster board, laughed hysterically at the memories of this past year, and ate loads of delicious gator bites (little potatoes cooked in some secret manner and covered in cheese AND bacon – I don’t eat pork, but on gator bites I thoroughly enjoy the bacon – and then dipped in gator sauce). So much fun! Every time Kat and Jessica share the pee incident on the MRI trip, I die laughing. They are so, so funny. Now, these pictures are pretty funny…please laugh and give yourself a little joy. And yes, I know I look ridiculous…and my shirt makes me look pregnant…or maybe I have really gained that much weight in the past year…who knows?

2013-02-21 21.19.20

Yes, it is blurry, but I love it so much. Kat and Jessica are dying that I am so loud and flamboyant.

2013-02-21 21.18.11

A lot of our group, but not all…


2013-02-21 19.55.43



Gary and Kari (if you are local and need your car cleaned, Gary is amaze-balls!


Just ignore all those red eyes, I will fix them later…I love this photo of Sarah, Kat, Jess, Amy, and moi.


Jess and Amy


Everyone wrote love notes to me – thank you, your words bring me so much joy! Yes, I have awesome friends…






Then Keri gave me the most beautiful green (my favorite color of the moment) wooden bowl that her husband made. She shared some lovely thoughts with me about knots and nots and strength and beauty and filled my soul with her wisdom. I could listen to Keri and her heart-shaped words every single day.

Ready for the superhero moment? Some secret someone stole my bill for the seven party-size gator bites and PAID for them all! How fun is that! Whoever you are, THANK YOU! You totally made my night!

Thank you to everyone who has helped me this year. Thank you for your prayers, your time, and most of all, your hearts. I don’t think I could have gotten through this year without everyone’s love – it has made all the difference.

I love you all!

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  1. Nicolett Roberts

    Tracy- thanks for inviting me to your party! I felt totally inadequate in my simple efforts to help you after listening to the hilarious and Christlike ways that all of these special and inspiring ladies have done so much to show you love and help you in every way imaginable. Someday when my babies are bigger I hope to do and be more just like them and you. Love you to pieces! You are an absolute inspiration!

    • tracy
        I’m so glad you came! I love you! Your smiles and your love have helped me so, so much…don’t ever feel inadequate…in anything.
  2. Anne

    This is such an amazing post. Full of insights and love and learning and laughing and wonderful lessons. I’m so glad you shared it with us! Love you so much!!! I’m so, so glad [relieved] that you survived your week. It was busy and [I feared] too much for you. Glad you are getting a little bit better. I heard a great quote. Today’s pain is tomorrow’s strength.


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