sweetest valentine ever

Feb 15, 2011

I was in a funk last night. Plummeting progesterone does that to me sometimes and this time was a doozie. I was spouting off insane ideas to Richard that he should get a new wife…a new, improved one that doesn’t lose her patience, knows how to bake cookies, can keep the bedroom clean, remembers how to mother with love, and can give him as many babies as he wants. I was in a dark place of craziness and he loved me anyway. He kept trying to hold me and to fill my heart with love. I woke up this morning able to think again and was so grateful he didn’t take me up on the new wife idea.

In the midst of my dark spiral downward, we gave the children their Valentine’s Day presents. Keziah had a present for me. It is the sweetest thing she has ever written. Keziah often has a hard time being kind to her family members, she prefers being an army general rather than a friend. She can be the sweetest thing ever, but she can also be the cruelest. It is a battle she fights within herself and we are working with her to help the sweet side win. Here is her card to me:

Happy Valentine’s Day
I love you, mom.

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry I’ve been mean to Fisher. Thank you for all you’ve done for me. Thank you for being my mom. I love you. I love you, mom. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you,
Keziah

It was the only Valentine I received this year and it is the best one I could have received. I think it is the first time she has acknowledged that she is mean to Fisher. It is a step towards healing her heart and letting the love that is in her come out.

I am so grateful to be her mama.

p.s. The new wife thing? Don’t worry, I’m here to stay.