apparently everything is too much

Feb 21, 2012

After yesterday’s run (really more like a running attempt since I only made it through the first five sets) I was sore…really sore.

As the night wore on, I was hurting more and more.

My blasted pelvis was aching so badly it hurt to bend my right leg up in front of me at all. Like, you know, to sit and eat. Or to walk. Or to pull my pajamas on.

After a pretty painful night, I woke up this morning unable to roll over to kiss Richard goodbye. He rolled me over, gave me his off-to-work-smooch and then I started evaluating how my pelvis felt and I decided it hurt really, really bad. Bad enough that I didn’t know how I was going to get through the day. Bad enough that my post-car accident pain came back to me in a rush. Bad enough that I knew I needed it to be worked on stat.

I was thrilled when my chiropractor’s receptionist said she had one opening today. I hobbled down the stairs and did learning time with the children and then hobbled back up the stairs (boy, did that hurt) to go to my appointment.

He said my pelvis is so inflamed and the ligaments so damaged, I must stop all physical activity for 6-8 weeks. I told him flat out that that is an impossibility. He said, “it will not heal if you keep hurting it.” I said, “but what about Keziah, what about running, what will I do?” He said, “Tracy you are too stubborn of a person for your own good. You can do whatever you want, but you are exacerbating your ligaments and in the state they are in they cannot hold you together. This is serious and we are going to be back at ground zero if you keep this up. You have got to trust me. You have got to stop doing things that hurt yourself.” Needless, to say, I still didn’t listen. I kept trying to ask about exercises I could do or stretches or something. There must be something. He said “no, you need rest and you need nutrition.” I said, “but what about gym, I have to teach gym.” To which he laughed in his grandfatherly way and said “I know you will keep teaching gymnastics, because you think you are invincible, but you must, absolutely must not run until this is healed.”

I was frustrated and felt rather defeated by the whole thing. Then I felt angry. Angry that the stupid car accident from over seven years ago is still haunting me. Still impacting my life.

Now I just hurt. My pelvis is throbbing. If I had any amount of sanity in me whatsoever I’m sure I would be downing ibuprofen by the handfuls. Right now I just want to cry. I want to curl up in a ball and cry and chase this pain right out of my body. I want to stop hurting. I want to be able to run with my daughter…and walk up the stairs and sweep and vacuum and all the other things that are so incredibly painful when my ligaments are unable to keep my femur head in its socket.