these are busy days

Nov 29, 2012

I realize my post quality is suffering. I am busy. And I hate that word. I hate the excuse busyness gives people…you know the, “Oh, I can’t, I’m too busy” thing people say whenever they don’t want to do something, but they don’t want to be honest about why they don’t want to, so instead they say “I’m too busy.” Well, I hate that whole thing. I also hate feeling like perhaps I really am busy, too busy. Too busy to have time to sit and smell the roses. Too busy to go exploring with my children.

But, the truth of the matter is, I am pretty booked right now and my time for posting is slim.

I am up to my eyeballs in getting iFamily ready for the new semester and solving all the scheduling issues so I can get the schedule up and website updated, my new callings in my new ward, Blythe’s play practices, Blythe’s ballet classes, Blythe’s Civil War class, Fisher’s scouts, the girls’ new callings, genealogy, resting my hip enough that it doesn’t go into freak out mode like it did last night, teaching gymnastics, reading the book of Alma, reading The Hobbit (and trying to finish it as a family when Blythe is gone 3-4 nights a week and Keziah is gone 2-3 nights a week is proving difficult indeed!), wrapping up Make It For Maggie, organizing Operation Pay For The Hole for Jessica, trying to earn money for two more rounds of Ozone injections in December so I can get this hip all the way better, picking out twelve books for my discussion group for 2013, homeschooling my children, mentoring other people’s children, keeping my house in some semblance of order, feeding my family, paying the bills, and trying to become an expert on the Jewish Festivals for my upcoming class where I will be teaching adults everything about the Jewish Year.

I have a whole schedule in my head that will allow me to get everything done everyday. But it doesn’t work. I don’t get up early enough to make it work. I don’t stop doing genealogy on time to get started on the next thing. I don’t go to bed early enough to be rested. It is all about me and my lack of discipline and that is a painful pill to swallow.

It may be time.

I don’t know.

I will think about it.

Who am I kidding? No one. Not even myself. I don’t need to think about it. I just need to do what I know I need to do. Day after day after day.

And that will be hard because I like to do what I want to do in the moment and not be constrained by any schedule of any kind, even a schedule of my own making.

But I also want to succeed. I want to spend time each day immersed in God’s word, communing with Him, doing genealogy, studying for myself, loving on and connecting with my children, teaching them, inspiring them in their studies, exploring with them, laughing with them, eating healthy, home-cooked food, working on my save the world projects, serving others, and keeping my commitments. I want to do those things without feeling like I am drowning. I want to do them with joy and presence and peace.

And the key is waking up early and using my time wisely. I know this. But can I do it? I honestly don’t know.

It is 10:24. I am going to bed instead of staying up till midnight. That will be the first step.