the answer came

Mar 17, 2013

I love my Blythe so much.

So, so much.

But sometimes I forget how much.

Sometimes I treat her like my enemy.

Sometimes I want to give up on being her mama.

Sometimes I want to run away and scream and cry and rage because I cannot figure out how to show her I love her and treat her like I love her and be with her like I love her.

Sometimes I want to cry.

And sometimes I do.

Today at church I cried while I partook of the Sacrament. I poured my heart out to God and asked Him to please help me mother her. To please help me remember how much I love her. To please help me treat her like I love her. To please help me see her as He sees her.

Please, I pleaded. Please.

Then tonight I was working on my genealogy like I normally do on Sunday nights and was playing one of my favorite CD’s, Women of Destiny Volume 2 (Volume 1 is also fabulous) and a song came on that I have probably heard one hundred times.

But tonight I listened. Tonight it reached into my soul and said “This is your answer. This is how I will help you to treat her like you love her.”

And I cried some more.

It shouldn’t be this hard to treat another human being, especially my own daughter, as a child of God. And yet, it is. It is nearly impossible for me to stay in a place of love with her.

But tonight God spoke to me and told me to listen to this song. So I am going to pay attention.

I think I will listen every day.

Some Other Time

By Tyler Castleton

Do you remember when you used to hold her?
How nothing seemed to matter when you held her in your arms?
The memory is fading in the rush of here and now.
It all gets lost somehow.

Do you remember just how much you love her?
How you could hardly bear to see her all alone?
The silent bedtime stories and forgotten nursery rhymes.
Moments you’re sure you’ll find, some other time.

Every chance to love her you save for other days.
The promises you make a child will never go away.

You watch her slowly growing older.
You see her taking footsteps you thought were years away.
And every day you’re farther from what really matters most.
When all you’ll ever need is little arms to hold you close.

Will you learn what love’s about?
Can you still remember now?
You will find this truth somehow.

Some other time is now.

I have such a short time left with her in my home. I must remember how much I love her and what a gift she is to my life. I must treat her as the precious child of God she is. I want to see her as God sees her and help her see that divine creation as well.

Thank you Heavenly Father for answering my heartfelt prayer and giving me a custom-designed answer. It is just what I needed.