he’s not boring

Nov 18, 2015

Stable.

Boring.

Rock-solid.

Boring.

Patient. Dedicated. Committed. Perseverant. Adorable. Hero of the fridge, plugged drains, and piles of puke.

Boring.

Completely full of love for me.

We go back and forth with this discussion all the time. He thinks he is boring and wonders how on earth someone with my passion and energy and drive could ever be content with someone like him. I think he is stable and is the rock that holds all the crazy people in this home together.

In spite of my absolute conviction that he is not boring, lately I have been making him feel boring and not enough for me. From somewhere deep inside me a need to be swooned has burst forth and since he doesn’t feel like he is a swooning kind of guy, he was feeling like he isn’t enough for me. I think this need is mostly coming from my feeling so terribly broken and undesirable…like the need to be desired and swept off my feet has increased as my own inner undesirableness has increased. I have hurt him and apologized and hurt him again and apologized some more. Oh, how I wish I knew how to be a constant well of kindness and love. Oh, how I sometimes wish I could cut out my tongue!

We have worked it out. I have been able to narrow down my expectations so he has something to actually work with instead of a nebulous cloud of “I just need to be swept off my feet.” He has taken me on two actual, factual dates where I didn’t have to plan it out or do a single thing to make it happen. Two blissful wonderful evenings my soul desperately needed.

And then, I read this article on The Real Truth About ‘Boring Men’ and bawled my soul right out onto my pillow. Later that night, I sobbed my way through it again as I read it aloud to him. Go read it. Really. Right now. I wish I had Ann’s gift of communication and could have somehow written that message myself.

As we read, we both saw the truth of the situation. He saw himself with new eyes and realized he is not boring, he is purposed. My Richard has purposed his life to following Christ, giving his whole soul to me, and loving, serving and teaching our children. It is a 24/7 endeavor. So, while he may not surprise me with some fantastic date idea or make a YouTube video proclaiming his love, he will be in the trenches with me, cleaning up puke, listening to our children’s nighttime fears, and adoring my broken, soft-around-the-middle body. He is staying. He will not surprise me be leaving, by finding some hot new young thing. He is in this for the long haul and is determined to be kind, patient, forgiving, and serve each of us for now and forever. He has laid down his life for our family.

It is not showy or fancy, but it is real. It is solid. It is exactly what I need.