sometimes there is silence

Jan 30, 2022

Our theme in church today was Trusting in the Lord’s Timing. One of the speakers said something along the lines of, “Sometimes when the answer is not yet or no, that answer comes with silence.”

Boy howdy, did that hit home. My hand reached out and gripped Richard’s and I shuddered a little as tears started to flow.

Because that is largely what we have experienced with Saylor and Stella. It’s been two years and the silence from the heavens has wracked my soul more than I can describe.

There have been moments of peace. There have been tender mercies with their mighty spirits.But mostly there has been silence.

And heartache.

And tears.

And longing.

I would just love to have a sit-down chat with God where He could explain the whole situation to me. I absolutely trust Him and His goodness and His love for me and for our babies.

But I don’t understand the ten years of promptings and the miracles and all of it since they aren’t here in our home. I’m sure there are answers, beautiful, wonderful answers that will satisfy my soul, but since I don’t have the answers, my mind tries to create some sense out of the whole thing and I’m sure my explanations are not the truth. So I need it straight from Him. What the cow did all of this mean and why did it unfold the way it did?

If you are aching with silence from the heavens, just know, you are not alone. And also know, that I know, He is good and kind and merciful and loving. And someday we will both understand.