payoff
I love my oldest daughter. She is an amazing reservoir of truth and commitment to God. She is passionate about freedom. She feels deeply. She teaches me about goodness.
She also drives me crazy. We see the world in very different ways and we function in very different ways. This has caused us problems for about 10 years. Sometimes we both think we may lose our minds in the middle of a conversation…and sometimes we do. In spite of all this, we also can giggle ourselves silly, especially if it is after 11:00 p.m.
Many times our conversations are strained and full of expectations that neither of us can meet for the other. Many times we end up hurting the other person’s heart. Many times we cry. It is hard parenting someone who is so different than I am and I mess up on a daily basis…which also breaks my heart.
See, she and I were inseparable until she was about six years old. At that point, something changed and we have never known why. Something deep down inside her shifted and our former connectedness vanished. She no longer trusted me. She no longer believed me. At first we thought she must have been sexually abused because she was behaving in a classic abused-child manner. Then we decided she must be suffering because reading was so difficult for her and the pain she was displaying was in relation to that struggle. Three years later we found out she was being bossed and bullied and in many ways abused by a young girl in our church congregation…and had been since we moved there. Through many, many conversations we have figured out the underlying reason our relationship has been so strained. Although we moved away from that area as soon as we discovered the situation, we did not protect her from it…and she has placed the blame for that lack of protection on me. Since that time she has not allowed me to touch her, to show compassion for her, to let me inside her heart. She has had a big wall and I think it has hurt me so deeply that I have allowed my own wall to build.
My husband has been studying the Simply Healed model of energy healing and has been seeing clients for a few weeks now. He has also been able to work with us – yeah for being guinea pigs! The results have been amazing! She has changed so dramatically since her first session. She is far more cheerful, far more likely to take responsibility for her actions, far more excited about life, far more loving, far more patient…and she let me touch her! I am thrilled to pieces.
The best part? This morning when she left for Girls’ Camp I told her “I love you to the moon and back” and she responded with a huge smile “I love you as big as the universe!”
This is huge. We are healing. What a gift.
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
This is so wonderful!!
I always wondered what happened. . . . :[ So glad you have answers. And I’m amazed that she was able to talk about it. Does she really remember what it did to her life? And can she see that it was the girl and her mother’s fault? If I remember correctly you were practically in shock that a little girl could be so totally mean to her.
She can’t remember it at all. She has completely blocked those three years of her life out. We were shocked and continue to be so…such an awful situation. She hasn’t been able to talk about it till now. It is all incredibly interesting and sad, but we are helping her reframe it and help it make her stronger.
I’m new here, but clicked through to this post because you could have been describing my own relationship with my daughter in your first sentences there — and she’s only eight! Over the past school year I’ve/we’ve finally been making strides in adding some warmth and laughter to our relationship. I’m glad to hear that things are getting better with yours, too!
Welcome to WOK! Healing and improving relationships is essential…glad to hear warmth and laughter are growing in your home. Hope you enjoy your visits here!