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the lion, the witch, & the wardrobe

Feb 19, 2016 by tracy

On February 7 we finished the second book in our Narnia read-aloud adventure! Quite the accomplishment since I had been ill since the 23rd of January and getting my voice to squawk out a whole chapter was quite a task. My children got used to me whispering all the voices because whispering is less likely to induce a coughing fit.

The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is such a beautiful story of the price that must be paid to atone for the sins of another. Aslan gives his life willingly to save Edmund’s and his sacrifice both redeems and heals Edmund’s soul, just as Christ’s atonement does for each of us. The four children learn courage by serving and loving others. They learn to sacrifice their own needs for the the greater good of the kingdom. They learn the transforming power of repentance and each get to offer and receive forgiveness to and from another. Such necessary lessons for my children (and me!) to experience both vicariously through characters in a beloved book and in their own very human relationships.

I remember one of my teachers reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe to us in elementary school. I remember the cover was super weird and I thought it was some crazy science fiction book that held nothing interesting for me. I must have completely blanked it out because I walked away from those story times hating the book and having no interest in ever reading or hearing it again. Such sadness that I didn’t take the lessons of Narnia in and allow them to give me a solid trust in God and courage to fight for what is right. And so grateful that I was able to rediscover them as a mother and share them with my children again and again.

Favorite lines this time through:

“Logic!” said the Professor half to himself. “Why don’t they teach logic at these schools? There are only three possibilities. Either your sister is telling lies, or she is mad, or she is telling the truth. You know she doesn’t tell lies and it is obvious that she is not mad. For the moment then and unless any further evidence turns up, we must assume that she is telling the truth.”

This makes me laugh so hard because I can totally hear myself saying it. The professor does not solve the challenging situation for Peter and Susan, but he helps the sort it out so they see it in a new way. I hope that is what I do for my children.

“None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different. Perhaps it has sometimes happened to you in a dream that someone says something which you don’t understand but in the dream it feels as if it had some enormous meaning–either a terrifying one which turns the whole dream into a nightmare or else a lovely meaning too lovely to put into words, which makes the dream so beautiful that you remember it all your life and are always wishing you could get into that dream again. It was like that now. At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in it’s inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realize that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of Summer.”

The light of Aslan sparked something different in each of them. What does God spark in me? Right now, it is peace. Calm, loving, enveloping, hopeful peace. I remember a time when I was afraid of Him because I didn’t really know Him, but now the warmth wraps me up like a quilt right out of the dryer and the sunshine on my face. Poor Edmund, he didn’t know the love Aslan had for him.

“I hope no one who reads this book has been quite as miserable as Susan and Lucy were that night; but if you have been – if you’ve been up all night and cried till you have no more tears left in you – you will know that there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again.”

Oh yes, I have cried those tears and the quietness at the end is just what a soul needs to process the hurricane of feelings that has just tumultuously swirled around for hours on end.

“All shall be done, but it may be harder than you think.”

God will redeem us, the demons will be driven out, the land will be made free again, but the price is great. The cost of liberty always is.

“Lucy looked and saw that Aslan had just breathed on the feet of the stone giant.

It’s all right!” shouted Aslan joyously. “Once The feet are put right, all the rest of him will follow.”

How true this is! As our feet are set upon the path of God, all the rest will follow.

“For Narnia and for Aslan!”

What are we fighting for? I want to always fight for good things…liberty, love, and learning.

“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”

Oh, how I love for that day when my Savior returns and sets the affairs of this world in order. We need Him. We long for Him. Oh, glorious day!

Reading aloud to my family is my favorite thing. During those magic moments of story, the mishaps and sorrows of the day are forgotten and connection takes their place. Right before bed, we are wrapped up in imagination, adventure, and courage, all great things to fall asleep with, me thinks.

Now it is February 19 and we are hoping to finish up The Horse and His Boy this weekend. We have six chapters left so we need to do lots of reading!

week 20

Feb 18, 2016 by tracy

February 16 was Sister W.’s 5 month mark! She only has 13 months left. CRAZY! It is flying by so fast for us. These past few weeks many of us have been ill and this week we are all finally feeling much better and were able to go to the Provo City Center Temple Open House. While I was inside, I kept thinking how much Blythe would love that temple if she had been with us and I remembered back to the sacred days she and I were in temple together before she left. Having children choose to make covenants with God and delight in serving him, that is some serious JOY! Still no pictures this week. Boo! Hiss! I don’t know if she is too busy to take any pictures or just too busy to upload them. Either way, I am hoping to see some pics of our girly soon.

Wow! Today is my 5 month mark. I can’t even believe it! It doesn’t feel like I’ve been out that long and it’s going way too fast. I love it. I wish I could have that extra 6 months that the Elders get!

We are still crazy busy. Planning is hard since we’re trying to get everything done in both wards. We’ve been so busy I didn’t even get to unpack for about a week because I couldn’t unpack that first night. We’re barely ever in the apartment long enough to organize and straighten up. We often don’t even go back for lunch because everyone wants to take us out for lunch.

Sunday was great! We had a broadcast from Salt Lake, so we didn’t have the usual Church block. Instead of going to all the meetings during the day and then having church for both wards, we actually got to go out and proselyte. We had four really awesome lessons just that day.
We’ve been working on getting appointments with a lot of people and should be able to see them this week.

I was also in a very awkward lesson with a recent convert this weekend. :) She didn’t seem to want us there or she felt uncomfortable but wasn’t really telling us why. Then we had a lesson with this young guy and he was asking if people were mean to us sometimes and we said yes. He asked us if that made us mad or if we got discouraged by that and was so surprised when we said no. We told him that when that happens we don’t get mad because we are trying to see people as children of God, to see them as He sees them. He couldn’t understand how we could be so forgiving of people, but it really doesn’t get to me. I’m not worried about others opinions of us.

Our zone theme this transfer is “Come unto Christ and be perfected in Him.” Our district theme is based on Matthew 26:39 “‘And He went a little further…’ Will You?”

Love you!
Sister W.

week 19

Feb 8, 2016 by tracy

Sister W. is all settled in to her new living quarters and doing wonderfully well. We have heard from some moms in her mission that her YSA Bishopric is super fun and the ward is really active in trying to share the gospel and build relationships, so I think it will be a great experience for her.

The YSA Ward Bishopric…looks like a bunch of crazy guys!

Alright, so I love my new areas. Yes, multiple areas. It turns out I am covering both the YSA ward, and a family ward, and we also are temple tour sisters this transfer. My new area is bigger than my whole old zone! I cover both my old stake and this stake, so we are everywhere.

Yes, the YSA bishop is pretty hilarious. We had to leave Ward Council early to make it back to Las Flores in time, and he pulled out the scripture about not being able to serve two masters. Haha :D We’re looking for a scripture to throw back at him about God being over all, or something. :) He’s pretty great.

We are super busy. We go to all the YSA and Institute activities and classes and it’s super fun. Sundays are crazy! They usually are on your mission, but since we’re covering two wards, it’s even crazier. One ward starts at 1:00 and the other starts at 2:00. We have to go on splits every week so we can be at both, and the whole first half of the day is filled with meetings. We have zero time. We are super busy, which is good as a missionary. :) We have received several really solid referrals from members this week for people for us to teach, and we were also able to pick up a new investigator. His name is Emilliano and he’s 14. We have been stopping over there and showing him some of the Mormon messages, and he really likes them. We were able to teach him an abbreviated version of the restoration, gave him a Book of Mormon and he says his mom could possibly be interested. It’s been really cool getting to work with all these new people.

I really like my new companion. Sister Christensen is really chill, and we just go for it. It works out. Super excited to work with her.

This transfer is the first where I actually had friends going home. It was tough to say goodbye. I actually got to go the morning they were leaving because Sister Hall, the sister I replaced, was going home. So we got to drop her off and got to see everyone going home. (Sister Hall trained Sister Shumway, by the way.)

Love you!!!
Sister W.

three in a row

Feb 7, 2016 by tracy

This is the third Sabbath in a row I have missed church because of this ridiculous coughing/sneezing/ear infection/fever illness. After feeling much improved by Wednesday of last week, I crashed again Thursday night with fever, chills, body aches, and horrid coughs. Everytime I think I am better and start doing the normal (albeit scaled-back) duties of life, my body falls apart again and sends me back to square one on the sickness front.

I spent Friday in bed until that evening when I dragged myself out to go to Keziah’s play. Armed with cough drops, tissues, breathing oils, and my water bottle, I made it through. Saturday was the same, in bed all day until the play. Now it is Sunday and after a third day in a row in bed, I am finally feeling a wee bit better.

My mama and sister and her kiddos came to visit for the weekend so they could see the play. Even though we didn’t get to do anything fun because I was so sick, they were able to take care of me and let me sleep for hours on end.

I am really missing partaking of the sacrament and the fellowship with my ward members. Surely I will be better soon, right? I am resting, drinking gallons of water, giving my body all sorts of herbs and supplements, and while I can tell it is all helping, it is sure a slow process. I don’t think I’ve ever been sick for so long.

week 18

Feb 2, 2016 by tracy

Blythe is being transferred to a new area for the first time since she arrived in California back on September 29. I think she is sad to leave the many people she has come to love, but is handling it well and ready to get to work in a new area. We are hoping she was able to pack up all her stuff tonight quickly and easily. She really hates packing. So moving to a new apartment today was probably really hard for her. We are trying to put together a little Valentine’s Day package to send to her and the ideas on Pinterest are all a ~~little~~ WAY overwhelming to me. I think maybe a Jamba gift card will suffice!

Well, I’m leaving my area. :( On Tuesday I will be going to the Young Single Adults ward. My new companion will be Sister Christiansen. She just barely finished her training, so I am again greenie breaking. :) The YSA ward is supposed to be really awesome and conveniently I’m still covering this area because the ward boundaries are both Mission Viejo and Santa Marguerita, though I will officially be in a different zone.

Yesterday at church the bishop was gone, so it wasn’t announced in sacrament meeting that I was leaving. All throughout the day, one by one the word got around and it was announced in the classrooms, so people kept coming up to me and like “You’re leaving?!?!?!” and there were some tears. :( And hugs. This ward has become home to me.

There was a mission farewell for Luke Taylor, who’s going to Japan Negoya Mission, and his talk was wonderful. They had a lot of non-member friends there and the spirit was really strong. At the end they sang “God Be With You Till We Meet Again.” He’s up there crying and I’m down in the congregation trying not to cry, and we both have our tissues out, and I’m wondering why on earth they needed to sing that song of all songs. I always cry when they sing that song. Actually, no, I really did appreciate that song, and I love it. It was kind of cool to have that song for my last Sunday, even though it was more for Luke than me, of course.

It was cool to have everyone tell me how I have strengthened them and to see the difference I made in their lives. That was good to know that I was making a difference here. To see how much they don’t want to lose me is probably the biggest testimony that I have done some good here. I have not had baptisms, and only a very few of the less actives I’ve been working with have actually come to church, but that is not the measurement of success. I have been able to build real relationships with them, and come to love them, and that’s what really matters. I’m going to miss it, but I think this new ward will be wonderful too. The YSA wards are some of the busiest and my area will be huge. It’s going to be crazy!

By the way, there’s a house we found that is decorated like Jurassic Park with huge metal dinosaurs and the gate and everything.

Love you all.
Sister W.

the cold that won’t quit

Jan 31, 2016 by tracy

After a few days of getting better, I am back in bed and living in snot-city again. Okay, to be honest, the snot volume isn’t back to where it was last Sunday, but it has dramatically increased in the past 12 hours. My neck is kinked and super sore, so I am lying in bed hooked up to my TENS unit, smothered in oils, with my tissues and Miracle Salve nearby.

Annes is sick as well, waking up with a fever and sore throat, so she and I are hanging out while everyone else is at church.

This is so rare for us, I don’t know what the cow is going on. Richard has been ill…probably with walking pneumonia for nearly 2 months. I am sick and now Annes is sick as well. We hardly ever get sick and when we do, our supplements, oils, and energy work take care of it lickety-split. But this time, it is hanging on.

Last night we all went to see Keziah’s play – SO FUN! It is an adorable story and we all laughed our heads off. Well, I didn’t actually laugh. I also didn’t clap as it took far too much effort to move my arms to clap. I mostly just laid there and smiled on the inside. I was so exhausted by the time we got to the play, I could hardly move. But everyone else laughed and enjoyed themselves.

The last few days…iFamily starting, Liberty Girls Kick-Off Party for the new semester, gym on Friday, errands and the play on Saturday…kicked my butt and now I need to take a few days to rest this body and let it recover all the way from this cold.

annes and the police station

Jan 27, 2016 by tracy

Miss Annes is full of zest. Chock-full of curiosity, stories, creativity, enthusiasm, and is about as cute as can be. Everywhere we go people love her. Except for the few people she drives absolutely banana-cakes with her “muchness.”

Today was the first day of iFamily, our awesome homeschool group. She is in a Community Explorations class this semester where they go out to different businesses and community entities to learn about how they function and what they do to make our community great. Today was the Police Station. Annes gave a Texas-sized shout of “Hurrah” when she found out. Unbeknownst to me, she is a little over the top curious about all things police-y because of her current obsession with Adventures in Odyssey mysteries.

When she returned to iFamily I asked one of her mentors how it went and if Annesely was well-behaved. She gave me a huge laugh and said, “Annesley is the best part of my day, I love that girl! She is FULL of life!” Thrilled with that response, I asked her to tell me all about it.

She reported that on the way in to the Police Station, Annesley said, “Oh no! They won’t let me in! They have metal detectors and look at my boots!” Her mentor said she thought the little piece of metal on the end of her cowboy boots would be just fine. Annesley responded with, “Oh, are they not very sensitive?”

At some point the police officer must have been talking about roadblocks and Annesley asked if there was a robbery because why would you ever have a roadblock without a robbery?

The third comment was “Do you deal with a lot of counterfeiters?” The police officer said no, not a whole lot. Why?” Annesley said, “Well, I know all about making counterfeit money!” She actually has no idea how to make counterfeit money, but she has listened to her Adventures In Odyssey CDs about a counterfeiting ring about a hundred times since Christmas so she thinks she is pretty much an expert. However, I would hope she would be a so-called expert in catching the counterfeiters, not copying their trade.

I’m tickled she has such fun opportunities for learning and mentors that appreciate her enthusiasm for life. I just hope the good officers don’t set up some kind of sting operation to bust us for counterfeiting.

slightly better, but still under the weather

Jan 26, 2016 by tracy

Oh my goodness, the snot. The sneezing. The pressure in my head. iFamily starts tomorrow and I am far from ready. I am trying to pull it all together today because I am feeling significantly improved from Sunday…but significantly better still isn’t well…it is more like barely functioning instead of looking like death warmed over.

A batch of laundry done (underwear…we were all desperate for some clean underthings). The sink cleaned out. A few emails sent and Blythe’s letter posted. Children listening to audio books and drawing and cleaning out the car and cutting wood in the garage.

And I am done. Ready to go back to bed for the rest of the day.

I think I will take a little nap and then try again in a few hours. I still need to print off cover sheets for my Math Alive-EUREKA students’ notebooks, study some background information on Archimedes’ life, prepare our in-class activity, and make our Challenge of the Week sheets for each student to take home. Then the car needs to be vacuumed and filled up with gas (surely Richard will do that for me when he gets home!) and all the children’s bags need to be packed and lunch food assessed, perhaps restocked, and packed.

And I need to get better.

Stat.

week 17

Jan 26, 2016 by tracy

We have been praying hard for our missionary this week. I know her heart has been hurting so much. It was lovely to hear from her on Monday and see that her spirits are lighter and she knows she is in God’s keeping. We were able to mail her some exercise videos this week that she can do in her apartment and she is super excited to be able to do something a little more engaging than just the push-ups, sit-ups, and other boring stuff she has been doing.

This week has been really good. My companion and have been able to work our struggles out and this last week has been great. I know it was the Lord working through us, because we, or at least I, couldn’t have done it.

Transfers are next Tuesday and we’ll get the call this weekend. I am praying so hard not to be transferred right now. Of course, I would never want to leave this area, but I really hope I can stay to help the Collins right now, because Sister Hollenbeck barely knows them since we haven’t been able to go by as much lately. But whatever happens the ward is still stepping in and helping and they’ll be alright. I was thinking of the verse that says “I have finished the work thou sent me to do” after the funeral. Leslie brought all those kids here and I believe that she has finished her work from God. I want to be able to say that when I go home that I have done all that I was called to do.

The funeral was very nice. The local Presbyterian church put it on and the room was packed. A lot of the ward members attended. It was a beautiful service, but also sad, because they don’t know about the plan of salvation and the opportunity they have to be united eternally, to be a family after this life. The three wards that have been in contact with Leslie’s family and a lot of the stake came together to put on the reception afterward and it was really good. There was the most beautiful sunset that evening too.

Random little miracle. Early last week after we’d found out about Leslie and we’d been having problems and I was having a hard time, we were contacting and I was really thirsty. I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining so I didn’t say anything for a while. Eventually I just said I was thirsty and Sister Hollenbeck said she was too. Within about a minute a water delivery truck pulled up and the guy asked if we would like some water. He gave us a bottle each, and we talked to him for a minute. He said he always tried to give the missionaries water when he saw them because he knew we walk a lot. So God really is looking out for us. :)

Love,
Sister W.

thank heavens for puffs plus

Jan 24, 2016 by tracy

I hardly ever get sick, but yesterday I woke up all stuffy. By evening I had a runny nose, but still felt fairly okay and was able to make it to the temple to do sealings (107 completed last night!). By the time I got home, I was wiped out and laid awake most of the night blowing my nose and reapplying Miracle Salve to my sore nostrils.

Now it is the Sabbath and I am definitely sick. Beside me on the bed is a heaping pile of used Puffs Plus tissues, Catalyn, echinacea, zinc, vitamin c, Breezy and Life Force essential oils, my water bottle, and oodles of genealogy paperwork I am trying to sort through in between sneezes. No ribs have come out of place during the sneezing, WAHOO!

I am really hoping this cold moves on out super quick. iFamily starts on Wednesday and it is Play Weekfor Keziah for the next two weeks…which means lots of long days, late nights, and tons of fun as we watch the kids we love put on great performances. I need to be all better quick as a flash!

week 16

Jan 20, 2016 by tracy

Our girly is hurting. She could use oodles of prayers and love. Please pray for her companion and for Leslie’s family. Please pray Blythe will know how to comfort Leslie’s family. Please pray that they will experience the peace of God and feel wrapped in His arms of love.

On another note, I apologized to Blythe this week for the many times I was angry or exasperated with her when she was a teenager. She responded with such a lovely…and grownup note of love for me. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. If I had any other mom I would have a very different life. Few other people would have adjusted so much to fit my needs and few other people are as dedicated and passionate as you. You’re awesome. I’m sorry for all of it. :) It wasn’t nearly as bad as a lot of people experience as teenagers. Love you <3" I cried happy tears. My girly has learned a lot of wisdom in the past four months.

So I have some bad news. Leslie passed away on Thursday night. In case anyone doesn’t know, she was one of our investigators. She has seven kids and has been battling cancer for two years. I am overwhelmed a little with the responsibility to help their family get through this time, but we will try our very best to support them and love them. We didn’t find out until Friday night, and I had to make the calls around to the other missionaries who had worked with them. I feel so sad for them. Friday through Sunday were really hard. I felt very unproductive, and I came to that point like where I really did feel like I was wasting my time, not because there’s not work to be done, but because we can’t seem to do it. Saturday was hard. We didn’t make a lot of visible progress and I was still thinking a lot about Leslie’s family, and it was just a bad day. It is sort of scary, because Leslie had priesthood blessings that promised healing, and they were not fulfilled in the way they expected them to be fulfilled. Now I have some understanding of it, and know that those blessings were not wasted, or even unfulfilled, but I’ve been worried how to explain all of that to them, as they probably don’t believe in priesthood power and now have reason to believe that it’s not real. But it’s been cool because as I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve been able to find other ways to teach about eternal families, like focusing on the temple. When I was thinking about the questions they might ask about why the blessings didn’t heal her, I thought about how ancient Israel was waiting for the Savior to save them from their physical enemies, but that He really came to save them spiritually and how those blessings she received were not wasted.

Cevik’s back in town, and we taught him last Sunday. When we invited him to be baptized he said they weren’t really interested in converting, but he wants to learn more and says he will read the Book of Mormon. We also gave Minoo a Farsi Book of Mormon and she says she’s been reading it.

We went to the temple on Friday Morning and I had a really sweet experience there. I was one of the last to leave the celestial room. When everyone started heading out, I was just thinking how I just didn’t want to go, that I just wanted to stay right there and feel the peace. As I was thinking this, I felt the words “I am always with you” and I knew that He would be with me, even though it was hard, and even though my companionship relationship is hard. That came at a time to prepare me for the challenges the last few days, because later that day everything started sort of falling apart. Then that night we found out about Leslie and the next day was just was hard. Sunday I was still having a hard time and I just did not want to get up early and go to meetings, which are of course earlier since church starts at 9:00 now, and we hadn’t finished progress records. But in ward council that day Brother Nielson said to put us missionaries on the prayer role. I think that is the first time that has happened and the prayer for us was exactly what I needed. I’m sure he was inspired. The day before when I’d felt so useless, I’d heard something or read something that was talking about how Heavenly Father takes us as we are and works with us so we can become better. Then in Ward Conference on Sunday they referenced the quote “Our direction is ever more important to Him than our speed.” Those things are exactly what I needed to hear at those moments.

With the last couple days of these challenges, I have had multiple witnesses that God is mindful of me in my trials and is watching over me. Thank you for your prayers and faith.

My ponderizing scripture is 1 Nephi 13:37: “And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be.”

Love you all.
Sister W.

the magician’s nephew

Jan 16, 2016 by tracy

We started our reading of The Chronicles of Narnia on New Year’s Day and we finished last night after the children begged and pleaded for me to finish the last two chapters in one sitting. They couldn’t bear to wait another day to hear the ending of The Magician’s Nephew.

Ah. It is like breathing life into my soul to read Narnia to my children. Blythe was obsessed with Narnia from about age six to eight. Obsessed. We read it over and over and over and listened to the Focus on The Family Dramatized version for years. The story of Aslan, Lucy, Peter, Mr. Tumnus, Caspian, Shasta, the witch, Tirian, the ape, the dwarfs, and all the rest are part of our family culture. So it isn’t that the stories are new to Fisher and Annes. But in a way they are new. I have never read them to them. They have never been through the story beginning to end. They have never experienced it all unfolding before them. I guess I thought that because it is all around them because of Blythe’s great love for the story and the movies coming out several years ago that they didn’t need me to read it to them. That they knew it all.

But they don’t. There is so much they have missed because they were too little when Blythe was still listening to the stories all the time. They have grown up with the characters and basic story line, but they have missed the greater wisdom of this epic adventure that grows as they identify with a character, feel the hard choices, pain, and joy, and face their own character flaws and strengths as they consider what they would do in the same situation.

And so we read each night and the story unfolds before them and wraps up their imagination in the lovely world of right and wrong, courage, friendship, faith, sacrifice, and always, always Aslan calling to their souls.

I’m so glad God gave me the prompting back in November that this should be our next read aloud. It is proving to be a delightful journey.

Favorite lines this time through:

“Oh, I see. You mean that little boys ought to keep their promises. Very true: most right and proper, I’m sure, and I’m very glad you have been taught to do it. But of course you must understand that rules of that sort, however excellent they may be for little boys – and servants – and women – and even people in general, can’t possibly be expected to apply to profound students and great thinkers and sages. No, Digory. Men like me, who possess hidden wisdom, are freed from common pleasures. Ours, my boy, is a high and lonely destiny.”

As he said this he sighed and looked so grave and noble and mysterious that for a second Digory really thought he was saying something rather fine. But then he remembered the ugly look he had seen on his Uncle’s face the moment before Polly had vanished, and all at once he saw through Uncle Andrew’s grand words. “All it means is that he things he can do anything he likes to get anything he wants.”

Such wisdom young Digory is gaining! He knows that it is not just for a code of conduct to only apply to some people. He knows his uncle is behaving abominably and a little seed is planted in his heart to not do the same. In the end, his greatest joys come because he learns and obeys that lesson.

“In Charn [Jadis] had taken no notice of Polly (till the very end) because Digory was the one she wanted to make use of. Now that she had Uncle Andrew, she took no notice of Digory. I expect most witches are like that. They are not interested in things or people unless they can use them; they are terribly practical.”

How am I using people? I so want to love people, not use them.

“Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.”

Hmmmm.

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.”

I have found this to be so true. I see in others parts of my own soul reflected back at me. Perspective is a crazy thing. It can be incredibly false and powerfully true. Praying to see as God sees has made a huge difference in my life.

“You know me better than you think, you know, and you shall know me better yet.”

All of us know God. Our souls yearn to be with our Father again. Knowing Him is my heart’s desire.

“Look for the valleys, the green places, and fly through them. There will always be a way through.”

Always. Always. Always He will provide a way through the hard, craggy mountains of life.

“But length of days with an evil heart is only length of misery and already she begins to know it. All get what they want; they do not always like it.”

We become what we desire, but that doesn’t mean the end of the road will be what we want.

“But I cannot tell that to this old sinner, and I cannot comfort him either; he has made himself unable to hear my voice. If I spoke to him, he would hear only growlings and roarings. Oh, Adam’s son, how cleverly you defend yourself against all that might do you good!”

How do I make myself unable to hear His voice? What do I need to do today and each day to better hear Him.

“Things always work according to their nature.”

We live and multiply and work according to who we are. We can only pretend for so long, but the truth of who we are always comes out. At the root of everything, we are children of God and if we can let that truth grow within us, we will live as children of God.

“Child, that is why all the rest are now a horror to her. That is what happens to those who pluck and eat fruits at the wrong time and in the wrong way. Oh, the fruit is good, but they loath it ever after.”

Oh. Oh. Such wisdom. Takes my breath away to think about it.

“Glory be!” said the Cabby. “I’d ha’ been a better man all my life if I’d known there were things like this.”

The glory and majesty of God’s power is beyond my comprehension. I want to be a better, truer, more kind, obedient, and daughter. Oh, heaven help me.

Tonight we will start The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. What a joy it is to share Narnia with my little ones!

week 15

Jan 12, 2016 by tracy

We have more snow than we have had the past several winters and Blythe, who loves snow, has none in Sunny California. I almost didn’t dare tell her about the snow, but I finally let her in on it this week and she said “I am personally offended!” She isn’t really though, probably just shocked that we are getting so much. She has been teaching a woman (Leslie) with cancer and it looks like she might pass away this week. We are praying for Leslie’s family this week that they will feel the love and tender care of the Lord while they go through this experience.

Blythe with her first companion, Sister Shumway.

She must be making artsy journal entries for every transfer.

Artsy stuff for transfer 2. She is coming up on transfer 3 soon.

So this week there’s been some pretty awesome things. Cevik’s back in town, and we taught him, though it went sort of awkwardly. We’ll be seeing him next Sunday, and we are hopeful we’ll be able to bring one of the couple of members that he knows.

We saw a family that missionaries have been knocking on their door since before I got here with no response. They’re a part member family and the mom (who’s the member) didn’t really want anything to do with the church, though she has several friends in the ward. We talked to the son, Chase, and he was really friendly, and we were there for about 10 minutes just outside talking.

A less active lady we’ve been working with came to church yesterday. She really likes us and has set up multiple appointments which have always fallen through. I didn’t even see for a long time after I got here. But we finally got in this week, though we were on exchange so I wasn’t there, and she came to church and brought her daughter. So I was super excited!

Also, Minoo, who is the one from Iran – we’re hoping to teach her soon and we found out that there’s a guy in the ward who speaks Farsi from his mission! The apartment complex in our area is such a melting pot and these things just keep lining up. It’s just crazy!

I also had my first really beneficial exchange this week. The other comp exchanges I’ve been on kind of felt like they were just filling time. We didn’t make much progress, I felt like. (In case you don’t know what an exchange is, it’s where you and your companion split up and go with your sister training leaders, who are sort of like a Sister District Leader. And they’re supposed to measure your progress and give you some pointers.) The other exchanges I felt like we were just doing it because we were supposed to, but this time, with Sister Fetui (who is awesome) I really felt like she was trying help me in the best way she could. She put a lot of thought and effort into it and it really helped me. It was crazy, though. She was supposed to go on 2 exchanges in 2 days and her Sister Training Leader companion would go on the exchanges with the other two Sisters. So the plan was they would each go with one from each companionship. They had to be done this week, but her sister training leader companion got super sick, and couldn’t do any of them, so she had to do half exchanges with us, for half the day and the other for the second half of the day. And then she would have to do it with the other companionship the next day, but then Sister Robison was too sick (she was in the other companionship) so Sister Fetui didn’t get to do it the second day.

Love you all,
Sister W.

alma 10:11

Jan 10, 2016 by tracy

I haven’t followed through on choosing a Ponderizing scripture the past few weeks, but this week I did and every time I read it, my heart filled with a cup of peace.

This verse is Amulek sharing his experiences with the prophet Alma with his community. He is trying to encourage them to listen to Alma’s message of peace and hope in Christ.

For behold, he hath blessed mine house, he hath blessed me, and my women, and my children, and my father and my kinsfolk; yea, even all my kindred hath he blessed and the blessing of the Lord hath rested upon us according to the words which he spake.

As I pondered this verse, I thought about the many blessings that have been poured out upon my family as we have followed the words of the prophets. We have been financially and spiritually blessed as we have paid tithing. We have children that love goodness and understand scripture. We have peace in our marriage. We have experienced miracles of healing as we have put our trust in the Lord. We are anxiously engaged in good causes which bring us great happiness. Truly the Lord has blessed us as we have tried to follow the teachings of the prophets, both ancient and modern. My heart wells up with gratitude just thinking about the magnitude of the care of the Lord.

oh, the tears

Jan 9, 2016 by tracy

What a hard week. On top of the crazy-making hormone levels, my body doing some funky things (nerve pain in my face, my head feeling like there is a ball inside being inflated, dysautonomia symptoms changing every few minutes, and ribs that will not stay in place, keep poking, and make it hard to breathe), and all of us trying to adjust to our new routine (new foods for Richard and new schedules for all of us), we found new homes for our dogs this week.

I can’t really post all the details on the interwebs, but suffice it to say we have had ongoing issues with one of our neighbors and we decided the best option for our dog’s lives was to find them new families to love them. They went to wonderful homes where they will be adored. My dear friend, Heather, took Charlie and her mother-in-law took Sadie. Heather has lllooovvvveeedddd Charlie since she first met her. They have a beautiful relationship. So when she said she would take her in a heartbeat, we decided it was the best possible outcome of this situation and probably the only one we could feel good about. But it still hurts.

Our hearts are pretty raw today. When I woke up this morning, it hit me. Hard. There is not a dog running outside barking at the squirrels. There is not a dog waiting for the children to wake up and play. There is not a dog waiting for us to rub her. There is not a dog.

And the tears flow.

And the anger flares.

And my heart prays.

Come, peace, come. Salve for our souls is needed.

easing back into life

Jan 6, 2016 by tracy

Recovering from late nights, too much junk food, and lack of commitments.

New scripture study time. (In the morning at the butt-crack of dawn. Actually long before the butt-crack of dawn since it is pitch black outside when Richard gently kisses me and shakes me awake so I can pull on my fleece sweats and slippers and plod out to the family room.)

New schedules.

New goals.

Registration for iFamily was this week and I had to break some children’s hearts because I can’t take more than 16 students in my Math Alive class and nearly 30 applied. I hate breaking hearts.

Homeschool days on the ski/snowboarding slopes is here once again and for the first time since 2008, I am trying my darndest to make it happen for my kids. Long, frustrating story there about how hard I have been trying to magically find all the gear they need for as few pennies as possible and piles of tears that poured out of me when I couldn’t find what they needed at prices we could afford. My heart and their hearts were so set on going this week, but I just couldn’t make it happen. So I fell apart, telling myself all the lies. Something akin to “for crying out loud we live right next to the mountains and have an awesome homeschool program that allows kids to ski or board for hours and hours for $10 and you KNOW this, so what is wrong with you (me) that you didn’t plan ahead and get all this stuff in the summer when it was available or look in Utah or SOMETHING else, for the love. You (once again, me!) made a stupid choice to buy a snowboard when you don’t know anything about snowboards and now you are told it is broken and you can’t find boots and it is all completely pointless.” It was a rough night of tears and irrational thought. (But I am better now, no worries needed about my overall sanity.) And Keziah went since she has her own money and a friend was able to loan her all the gear she needed, so that was super fun, even though the other kiddos were disappointed.

Starting gym again on Friday and not ready to be up on my feet again. This new flare up of my knee injury is frustrating.

Plummeting progesterone levels which equals a weepy, emotions-all-over-the-place mama.

Play practices ramping up for Miss Keziah’s play which is at the end of the month. So, we don’t see her much.

Same girly getting her driver’s license (hopefully this week!) which is exciting and wonderful and will help out a ton, but leaves me with no vehicle whenever she takes the Subaru. (Our suburban runs just fine, but it is not driveable right now because the heater core broke on the way to Swim Camp back in June. Living up here in the frozen tundra prevents anyone with even a wee bit of sanity to drive a vehicle without a heater!)

Fisher finished his math program a few ago and we are trying to figure out where to go next with him. And my brain or spirit or something must be closed off to the heavens (or more likely just really, really tired) because I just don’t know what to do.

I am trying to put together the next semester of Liberty Girls and feeling little direction from on high…which leads to low motivation on my end.

I feel like hibernating right here in my house and savoring the long, winter days with books, warm quilts, hot chocolate, and lots of calm. I don’t want to actually deal with reality and answer the phone, pay bills, run errands, organize anything, or go anywhere. So I am doing that. AND doing a bit of the other because, you know, life.

Lots of changes, so we are easing into them and trying not to cause all-out rebellion (mostly my own rebellion where I throw in the towel and head for my imaginary cabin in the hills, haha!). Yesterday we started reading Stone Fox (love that book!) for the man club Fisher is a part of, Explorer Boys, and ever so slowly started back into our normal school days. I think we will start some geometry today with him and see how it goes.

All the books for 2016 for my colloquia group have been selected and I just might get them posted here, but no guarantees since at the moment my energy level is roughly equivalent to a sloths. Tomorrow night is our first discussion of the year, which means I’ll need to shower…and turn on my brain…but then I can enjoy hearing thoughts and ideas on a great book and it will be lovely.

So this week is going to be slow and calm and full of nurturing…I need the calm. There is plenty of time for the busy later.

week 14

Jan 4, 2016 by tracy

First time sick since she left. I’m hoping she used all the herbs and oils and vitamins I sent with her! I’m sure she is pretty self-sufficient and can take care of illness herself, but I still would like to have more information about the whole thing and give her tips on how to get her immune system up to full speed again. Once a mom, always a mom! Blythe is doing well – loving and serving and teaching – and we are so happy for her!

Well, this has been an interesting week. We got to see Lori on New Years Eve and she seems to be doing a little better. She’s been having kind of a rough time, but we took her some Martinelli’s and talked to her for a minute. We had an early curfew that night, so we had a zone activity, and that was super fun. I’d had a headache and stuffiness Wed. and Thur. but was doing OK. Fri. morning we woke up and Sister Hollenbeck was super sick and was throwing up. I felt OK, just the headache, but by about 11 I felt pretty sick with the same thing she had. We couldn’t go out, and it was frustrating to have to stay in the apartment, but we were just too sick. We had two companionships of elders come over that night so they could give us blessings.

Two really cool things happened this week. We were walking around the apartment complex in our area and were on our way to see stop by to see Joanie. We passed this apartment where this lady was outside on the porch. We’d seen her a couple days before briefly and we just said “hi.” She instantly said “Come in, come in” and we went in and talked to her for quite a while. She is from Iran and came over for a few months to see her son, who lives over here and who we actually saw several nights ago. She doesn’t speak English great, but enough. She speaks Farsi. She has a daughter with some sort of disability. She told us all about the different parts of Iran and told us about the cultures (There are a lot! I had no idea about the diversity there!) and the different languages, and about her family. Then she talked about the Christian churches they have there, and she asked if we were from the church, pointing to our tags, and we said “yes.” And she said, “I want to go to church with you, not this week, but next week.” And we said, “We would love for you to come to church and we’d love to have you there.” and then we talked for a little longer. She should be coming next Sunday! I am super excited about her. It was just so cool. We didn’t ask to come in, we didn’t invite her to church, she just said she wanted to herself.

The other thing that happened was when we were tracting. We knocked on this one door, even though it had a sales lock on the outside (but there wasn’t a sign out front), and this little Hispanic lady answers the door. She said, “You are Mormons?” and we said “yes”, and she just said, “Ohhh! I am Jehovah’s Witness! You are my sisters! And she gave us big hugs and invited us in and gave us soda. We talked for quite a while. She spoke very little English, and my Spanish is pretty sad. Sister Hollenbeck speaks a little, and we could generally get what she was saying, but I could only catch bits and pieces. We told her there are sisters who spoke much better Spanish, so we’ll refer her to them, but it was just really awesome.

Something funny that I’ve been forgetting to say is that we got a sort of referral for Justin Bieber! Francsca told us that he’s been going to really popular restaurant/bar that is up in the canyon and that he’s been driving either a red or a yellow Ferrari. We about died after that.

Anyway, love you all!
Sister W.

narnia

Jan 1, 2016 by tracy

We started our next read-aloud for 2016 tonight. In the midst of grumpy kids who were tired from late nights, sugar-laden, and about to dddiiiiiieee from taking down the Christmas decorations, magic was created.

Back in November, God whispered to my heart that our next read-aloud was to be the entire Chronicles of Narnia series. At first, I thought, “Our children know these stories inside and out, I don’t think I should take the time to read them aloud to them. I need to use this precious time for something they haven’t been exposed to yet.” But the quiet whispering continued and I knew there was a good reason for it. My excitement at the prospect grew and all through the nights of December Christmas stories, I grew giddy inside at the thought of sharing the wonderment of Narnia with our children over the next many months.

So, tonight, with children annoying one another and complaining at each new task assigned to them in our Christmas clean-up, we started our adventure. Richard made everyone hot chocolate while we finished the last of the clean-up and we welcomed everyone to grab a mug and a blanket and sit down and listen.

Soon calmness prevailed and happiness won out over the grumps. The magic of read-aloud time to bring a family together never ceases to amaze me. I think the world could be changed dramatically if all families spent some time in the evenings enjoying a delicious book together.

At the end of the chapter, they begged, “Please read another! Please, please! Just one more!” I reminded them that just thirty minutes prior they had been saying, “We don’t want to read Narnia! We want to watch Return of the Jedi!” and they grinned and said, “Yes, but now we want you to read more!”

Cracks me up.

The power of story is real. Stories speak to the deepest parts of who we are. They inspire courage, build connection, and create a culture of shared identity. They are the best things I know of to bind a family together.

What are you reading with your family right now?

farewell 2015

Dec 31, 2015 by tracy

Today is the last day of 2015. Wowsers, it is hard to believe this year of growth and change and pain and joy is gone. We have all learned a lot about doing hard things, giving and receiving, finding hope, enduring, and most of all, deep-down-in-your-little-toes joy.

The biggest change for our family has been Blythe leaving on her mission. She started the process of filling out papers in January, submitted them in April, received her call on May 4th to the California Irvine Mission, received her endowment in August, entered the Missionary Training Center on September 16, and arrived in California on September 29th. What an experience it is to get a missionary out the door! So much time and money and effort and heartache and happiness and precious moments all wrapped up in the same package. The two days we were able to spend with her in the temple before she left are among the most sacred and glorious of my life. I will always treasure seeing her dressed in white as she made covenants with God. And now, 3 1/2 months after she walked out our door into her new life, all I feel is peace and radiant joy. It has been a huge blessing to have my whole being wrapped up in a blanket of God’s love as my baby girl has gone out into the world to share His message of love and redemption.

We have had so many blessings this year: medical treatments and tests, working vehicles (and rescuing when vehicles broke down!), spending time with family, Annesley’s baptism, our long, bumpy driveway covered in gravel, an unexpected change in Richard’s job that gave him the hours he needed, many, many angels both on earth and in heaven who have taken care of me while I have episodes, Keziah’s job, gifts from the heart, magical days at the lake, camping in my mountains, donations to Blythe’s mission fund, and most of all, love. Heaps and heaps of love have been poured out upon us. My heart is full to bursting with the love I am surrounded with.

There is much I didn’t accomplish this year. I didn’t lose weight. I didn’t grow muscles. I didn’t keep a spotless house. I didn’t find a cure for connective tissue disorders (I mean that somewhat seriously…my brain is continually trying to solve the issue of defective collagen.) I didn’t read as many books as I normally do. I didn’t put on a big fundraising event. I didn’t clean out my closet. I cancelled my book discussion group more than half the months of the year. I didn’t write the book I wanted to. I didn’t figure out how to cook on a regular basis. I didn’t figure out how to make our budget work to save more money. I didn’t excel at personal scripture study (or family study either!). I didn’t finish my chalkboard project…or the skateboard swing project. Or stain the deck. Or clean out the garage. Or clean out under the stairs. Or finish the clothing purging project. Or burn the garbage pile. Or remodel the camper. Or defrost the freezer. Or plant a flower. Or beautify my yard in any way. I didn’t create a fabulous training program for the Primary Music Leaders of my stake like I wanted to. I didn’t make it home to my mom’s house even once. I didn’t start a business to bring in more money. I didn’t clean out Blythe’s room. I didn’t blog about Swim Camp, our GRL camping trip, Blythe’s endowment, her farewell, or hundreds of other important and wonderful things that happened. I didn’t do a lot of things.

But I did learn more about love. I did learn more about sacrifice. I did learn more about receiving and giving. I did learn more about grace. I did grow to love my Savior more. I did enjoy lots of snuggles with my children. I did deepen my relationship with my husband. I did serve and love and give my heart more fully to the people who have needed me. I have missed my friends who have moved away fiercely and have learned that love is worth the pain of loss. I have learned, more fully, that the power of God is real. I have connected more fully with my ancestors. I have learned more about forgiveness. I have chosen kindness more often than anger. I have chosen to feel more and build walls less. Somehow, through the grace of God, I have made peace with my body and its challenges. We did spend many days kayaking at the lake. We did have lots of family game nights. We did read beautiful books together. We did spend seventeen days in the mountains. We did float the river in Island Park. We did attend our family reunion at our favorite location. We did have family pictures taken. We did get our daughter on a mission. We did throw a fabulous ice cream fest at our home before she left. We did pray together. We did laugh and we did cry. We lived, in spite of injuries and episodes and pain and heartache, we chose to live. With hope and faith, we lived. What an amazing year!

God has given me thousands of opportunities to learn needed character lessons and while I am certain He has much more to teach me and I have much more to learn, I am grateful for the lessons I have been given and received this year. I failed many times and I hope I learned from the failures to love and give and serve just as much as from the successes. There have been many days of sorrow and loneliness and hopelessness and fear and despair and He has been here with me, teaching me, comforting me, and helping me to choose love over all else.

There is a lot of pain and heartache in this world. Right now, among many of my dear friends and family, there is gut-wrenching, soul-splitting pain. I cannot solve the myriad of challenges they are facing. I have no magic wand to end the suffering being experienced by those I love. But I can take them into my heart and pray and listen and serve and lift. I am reading For The Love by Jen Hatmaker and it is a balm to my soul. In the introduction, she shares her mission. I wish I had written it, for it is my mission as well.

After a friend of hers asks her child what she does for a living and the child doesn’t really have a good answer and says, “Yeah, but she doesn’t have a job where knows about something. Jen decides to write down exactly what it is she spends her life doing.

Besides being obviously esteemed in my own home, maybe I ought to clarify what exactly I specialize in, since is appears very, very unclear to my own child. Certain foks love numbers and columns and reconciled accounts. (I barely even know what this means.) Some of my good friends love organizing and administrating; they are weirdly good at it. I have family members who excel at web design and creative technology and others who are craftsman and builders. Educators, chefs, sports medicine specialists, realtors; all people people in my circle who obviously know about something.

A little closer to my space, some of my girlfriends are true theologians and love the ins and outs of sticky hermeneutics. Others are preachers with fire in their bellies. Some are academics working on graduate degrees in God. Some are social entrepreneurs doing great good with their companies and organizations. Still others give their lives to justice in hard places. This is how they are gifted and this is what they love.

I love people.

It’s what I know.

God has always made the most sense to me through people, His image bearers. I crave dignity and healing and purpose and freedom for me and mine, you and yours, them and theirs. I want us to live well and love well. The substance of life isn’t stuff or success or work or accomplishments or possessions. It really isn’t, although we devote enormous energy to those goals. The fullest parts of my life, the best memories, the most satisfying pieces of my story have always involved people. Conversely, nothing hurts worse or steals more joy than broken relationships. We can heal and hurt each other, and we do.

I’m hoping to help lead a tribe that does more healing and less hurting.

I consider that my job.

Oh my, isn’t that breathtakingly beautiful? I love her words and my goal for 2016 is to more fully live them – to heal more and hurt less.

We can do this. Will you join me?

week 13 – first christmas without her

Dec 28, 2015 by tracy

Seeing our daughter over FaceTime on Christmas Day was amazing! It was so, so good to see her bright, shining face and to see her healthy and happy and glowing. She sounded wonderful. We were able to talk for about 90 minutes and she shared her testimony of the Savior and of missionary work with us. We were able to have family prayer together and we all cried a bit. My heart rejoiced at how much love she has for sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ. She has always loved Jesus, but her love for Him has grown as has her love for the people around her. It is a beautiful thing to be a part of. Ahhh, I love this girl of mine.

Christmas was wonderful. We had a ton of contacts this week, more than we’ve ever gotten I think, with everyone coming in to town and visiting and going to the park with their families. It’s been great just to see so many people actually outside!

We saw Francesca again on Christmas Eve and it was probably the most wonderful visit I’ve had on my mission yet. She is so open about God and loves Him. She talks about Him like a friend. She says some funny things, like “blessings be upon you” and “protection be with these people.” She is very passionate in her belief in God and has a ton of faith. She talks about miracles all the time. We just love her.

Christmas is really a wonderful missionary tool. It’s been great in the work because of the people it has put in our way. My testimony of the Savior has been strengthened this season with the assurance that He came for us and knows exactly what we personally need at this very moment and I’ve had a lot of opportunities to share that belief with others.

My Ponderizing scripture this week is D&C 121:7-9. I also read a wonderful chapter about missionary work this morning in Alma 26.

Love you all and Merry after Christmas!
Sister W.

week 12

Dec 22, 2015 by tracy

Our missionary is doing well. She had transfers last week and was assigned to stay in her same area, but received a new companion. She loved her last companion so very much and now she gets to learn how to love a new one just as much. Missionaries are allowed to call home twice a year on their missions – Christmas and Mother’s Day – so we will get to hear her voice on Friday! Wahoo! We are hoping to be able to Skype with her and actually get to see her face. It is really, really strange to have her gone at Christmas, but even with the emptiness, my heart is still so happy she is on a mission serving the God she loves.

So you remember Sister Hollenbeck from the MTC? Like the one who came out with me? She’s my new companion and we’re totally new and green together. It’s been a very tough adjustment. It’s hard leaving a powerhouse team. Sister Shumway and I worked extremely well together and our strengths made up for each others weaknesses and that was such a blessing. But I’ve had some very clear reminders that God doesn’t give us impossible tasks. I think we’ll learn to work together well, but it will take some getting used to.

We’ve had some success in the last few days. We tracted into this wonderful lady named Francesca. Apparently she is some sort of humanitarian mission pastor. We talked to her for a good 20 minutes and Sister Hollenbeck shared Alma 7:11, and Francesca loved it. She took the Book of Mormon and invited us back for dinner. She is super friendly and very thoughtful and kind. The funny thing was she was at the top of this one very long, steep driveway, a 10th of a mile back from the road, and we couldn’t even see if there was a house up there. We were just like “We’ve got to get up there and see” and it turned out to be great!

Our Christmas messages are going very well. There’s a lot of great opportunities to share meaningful messages about why we celebrate and what we can give to Jesus. It’s been wonderful, even if it puts several people on hold who will be out of town and traveling, including Inci. She’s going back to Turkey for a month, but will be back before the end of the transfer.

My ponderizing scripture this week is Ether 12:27 “If men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I show unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Love you all, and hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
Sister W.

back into the knee brace

Dec 20, 2015 by tracy

Soooo, I am back in my knee brace. I don’t know what I did to reinjure my knee, but it is pretty darn sore. It got hurt a little bit and became more unstable back on October 30 when I faceplanted on my front cement and tore the cartilage in my wrist, but it didn’t really hurt tons just a little bit. So we have been taping it to give it some suppport, but it wasn’t bothering me a whole lot and I wasn’t worried about it.

Then on December 10th I held our Closing Social for my Liberty Girls group and something, though I have no idea what, happened. As I was straightening up the house that morning, a sharp, take my breath away pain began to shoot through my knee. It felt like a serrated edge of a glass crowbar was prying my patella off. Oh my goodness, the pain. It took everything I had to get through the Liberty Girls tea party and then I laid down for the rest of the day trying to rest it.

The next day, I was told it looked like the meniscus was torn. A few days later when I saw Jeremy he said the meniscus had a new tear and the LCL was retorn as well and I needed to go back into my knee brace that I wore from December to the end of June. We talked about surgery and he said (once again!) that I am not a good candidate for surgical repair because it will just happen again and again due to my hypermobility. He explained how the menisci work and that in a normal person, they sit in between the tibia and femur helping them fit together and providing cushioning between the two bones. They generally move 6-12 mm during various movements. Instead of moving this small amount, Jeremy says my menisci are bobsledding within my knee joint, sliding all over the place and often getting trapped in places they shouldn’t be and subsequently being torn. So, unless we can fix the hypermobility, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to surgically repair it.

His explanation makes sense and I am super duper grateful for his honest and thorough assessments. But, boy howdy, it is hard to hear that the last resort of surgery isn’t a last resort at all. It is no resort at all as it isn’t an option. The options are to live with it or to figure out a way to have Prolozone injections to try to tighten up the ligaments and heal the cartilage like I did with my hip. Unfortunately, my nervous system is so hypersensitive now, there is a pretty big question as to whether my body can handle the injections.

My body didn’t like any of the nine series of Prolozone injections I received back in 2012. It became more and more sensitive to the ingredients until my nervous system was so damaged that at the final injection in January 2013, I collapsed in the office and began walking the road of passing out/seizures/autonomic dysfunction which is probably my biggest challenge now as eating and breathing challenges, temperature control, vomiting, shaking and passing out are such a pain to deal with. So even though the injections worked by helping the labrum heal and bring more stability to my hip, I am left damaged in other ways. Part of me thinks the risk is worth it and part of me is terrified at the very thought of trying the injections again.

Back in April, I received a stem cell injection in my knee and it made an immediate, dramatic improvement. We did it without any of the local anesthetics my body has so many problems with (hurt like CRAZY!) and only injected my own cells, spun and separated, back into me. That was at a specialty clinic in Mexico and if I could do that again, I absolutely would, but at this time it isn’t really an option. If I could find someone in my area that would do stem cell injections that would be lovely, but as far as I know, there isn’t. Plus the cost of stem cell stuff is exorbitant in the U.S. and fairly cheap in Mexico, so I don’t even know if I did find someone in the Rocky Mountain area if we could afford it. I’m not really sure of exact prices, but I was told the same injections I had in Mexico that cost about $100 would be $2000 here in the States, ARGH.

On top of the knee issues, my wrist is in a brace, my arm aches due to both the wrist injury and some entrapped nerves which are causing all sorts of pain and electrical activity. It is called Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and I am hoping all the nerve gliding work Jeremy is doing will fix it quickly. Also, I am having lots of episodes…this week, Tuesday and Wednesday had full episodes and Saturday night and Sunday during church I had some shaking, so we really need to be focused on figuring out how to calm down my nervous system so I can stop having episodes. That most likely means meeting with Dr. Fraser Henderson in Maryland so we can figure out if my brain stem is being compressed and causing all the crazy nervous system dysfunction or not, but in order to schedule an appointment I have to submit a geneticist’s report and the current wait on a genetics appointment at the University of Utah is 14 months…soooo, it is all up in the air and I don’t really know what is the right path to pursue.

In spite of all this, I am doing well. I am spiritually and emotionally in good places. We are having a lovely Christmas season with lots of reading of Christmas books and snuggles in our Christmas quilts from last year. We are trying to spread joy in little ways and not spending lots of time out and about as my knee and the rest of me just can’t take it. Each night we share a story from Jesus’s life, read one of our Christmas books aloud and then listen to about fifteen minutes of The Christmas Carol (if you want it on audio, this version is fantastic!). So, I am not posting this because anything is really wrong or because I am ready to throw in the towel, just as an update and a record so I can remember how I was doing in December 2015, haha!

week 11

Dec 14, 2015 by tracy

Week 11 in California is a wrap. This Wednesday, the 16th, marks exactly 3 months since we dropped her off at the MTC, which also means she has completed 1/6 of her mission. That is feeling like a big deal this morning. This past week they had a Mission Christmas Party and posted lots of photos and videos. It is so fun to see her! If you want to mail her anything for Christmas, do it this week! I am hoping to get my package of Jamba gift cards for her and her companion in the mail today.

Her zone all together at the Christmas Party.

Blythe and her companion, Sister Shumway, are together on the left. I see Sister Smith with the plaid shirt, she roomed with her at the MTC, but I don’t know the other Sisters.

Some sort of Rudolph Nose competition?

Found this in her Dropbox account – What the cow is that? Some sort of ear shaped cookie? Candy?

Another Dropbox find…is she asleep from exhaustion or hugging the computer with great love and gratitude because she gets to email us?

So, we got transfer calls on Saturday, and Sister Shumway is being transferred. :( Very sad, but I’m sure it’s for the best. I will miss her. We’ve become such good friends. I’m not with my new comp yet and won’t be till tomorrow afternoon or night and Sister Shumway doesn’t know where she’s going. We go to the transfer meeting and they announce everybody’s changes, new comp, area, designated driver, and everyone switches around, and crazy stuff happens, and we leave. Pretty awesome! :)

This week has been great. Inci gave us Turkish Delight. Yes, the real thing! I wasn’t even sure if it was real, but it is. She also came to Follow the Star, which is a live nativity, with real animals and actors, and it’s really great. They’ve had some wonderful stories over the years.

She also brought her son Cevik (chevik). She speaks Turkish, German and English and here’s why that’s important now: Emily, a Laurel who did a study abroad for language and speaks Turkish, has become great friends with Inci. We introduced them earlier this week. When they came to Follow the Star she met the rest of Emily’s family and they were talking and amazingly her mom speaks German! We were just blown away! We’re like “Hmm, who should be her friends, I wonder…” Inci is here for only a year from halfway around the world, Emily speaks Turkish, her mom speaks German, the way we found her is pretty crazy anyway, etc. There is no way that is a coincidence.

We also finally saw an investigator we’ve been trying to teach since even before I got here. He went to Follow The Star and supposedly he went to seminary with his friend this morning (he’s 18).

There’s another teenager who is friends with a girl in the ward, who basically has no religion. She came (her name is Ana) with her friend and is willing to hear more. She’s super cool and her friend is planning on giving her a book of Mormon to read on her flight she’ll be taking for Christmas.

At Follow The Star last night we met Elder Clayton, the one who spoke in the Christmas broadcast. He’s one of the seventy, so that was pretty awesome.

There was a lady there with her friend (who is a member) who we’ve been doing community service with and she brought her daughter. They are both really great and we hope to teach them.

Basically, this week has been full of work and the Lord’s help. There is so much good going on.

Love to all!
Sister W.

read to me

Dec 9, 2015 by tracy

Me: I need to work on the computer for awhile, why don’t you listen to this audio-book from the library.

F: Mom, it’s SO MUCH better when you read the book.

Me: Really, better than a professional narrator?

F: YES. I want you to read all the books.

I can’t even tell you how much this warms my heart! My eleven-year-old boy still loves to snuggle up on the couch under a blanket and have me read to him for hours and hours – I hope it never ends.

Oh, how good it is to be so adored by your children. If only my face and voice could keep up with their insatiable desire to be read to!

2 peter 1:2-9

Dec 8, 2015 by tracy

This has long been one of my favorite scriptures…at least the verse about adding virtue to faith and knowledge to virtue. It is on the painting that hangs at the bottom of my stairs on the way into our school room. It is a daily reminder to me that faith must come first, then virtue, THEN knowledge. I grew up valuing knowledge above all else and my mind still craves information like an addict, so daily pondering the correct position of faith and virtue helps keep me grounded.

Last week I found this scripture when I was searching for verses about the promises of God and was pleasantly surprised when it was my same faith, virtue, knowledge scripture. I know God keeps His promises and I want to fill my heart and mind up with a whole pile of promise keeping scriptures that I can turn to at any moment I or a friend needs them.

Grace and peace multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord,

According as His divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him that hath called us to glory and virtue:

Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virute; and to virtue knowledge;

And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;

And to godliness brotherly kindenss; and to brotherly kindness charity.
For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.

Becoming a partaker of the divine nature is such a beautiful thought to me…and He has promised that we can…that we will! My heart leaps with joy at the thought of being transformed by His grace into someone with faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance (yes, even someone with temperance!), patience (can it be, that I could be patient?), godliness, brother kindness, and charity. I have no doubt that God is good enough and powerful enough to change me. I know He will do what He says He will do.

I love, love, LOVE Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. That book transformed my life. In the chapter “Counting the Cost” this idea is laid out powerfully.

I find a good many people have been bothered by what I said in the last chapter about Our Lord’s words, “Be ye perfect.” Some people seem to think this means “Unless you are perfect, I will not help you”; and as we cannot be perfect, then, if He meant that, our position is hopeless. But I do not think He did mean that. I think He meant “The only help I will give is help to become perfect. You may want something less: but I will give you nothing less.”

Let me explain. When I was a child I often had toothache, and I knew that if I went to my mother she would give me something which would deaden the pain for that night and let me get to sleep. But I did not go to my mother—at least, not till the pain became very bad. And the reason I did not go was this. I did not doubt she would give me the aspirin; but I knew she would also do something else.

I knew she would take me to the dentist next morning. I could not get what I wanted out of her without getting something more, which I did not want. I wanted immediate relief from pain: but I could not get it without having my teeth set permanently right. And I knew those dentists; I knew they started fiddling about with all sorts of other teeth which had not yet begun to ache. They would not let sleeping dogs lie; if you gave them an inch they took an ell.

Now, if I may put it that way, Our Lord is like the dentists. If you give Him an inch, He will take an ell. Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of (like masturbation or physical cowardice) or which is obviously spoiling daily life (like bad temper or drunkenness). Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment.

That is why He warned people to “count the cost” before becoming Christians. “Make no mistake,” He says, “if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away.

But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect—until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.”

And yet—this is the other and equally important side of it— this Helper who will, in the long run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to do the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby’s first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, “God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.”

The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God’s demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realise from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, ca prevent Him from taking you to that goal.

That is what you are in for. And it is very important to realise that. If we do not, then we are very likely to start pulling back and resisting Him after a certain point. I think that many of us, when Christ has enabled us to overcome one or two sins that were an obvious nuisance, are inclined to feel (though we do not out it into words) that we are now good enough. He has done all we wanted Him to do, and we should be obliged if He would now leave us alone. As we say “I never expected to be a saint, I only wanted to be a decent ordinary chap.” And we imagine when we say this that we are being humble.

But this is the fatal mistake. Of course we never wanted, and never asked, to be made into the sort of creatures He is going to make us into. But the question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when He made us. He is the inventor, we are only the machine. He is the painter, we are only the picture. How should we know what He means us to be like? You see, He has already made us something very different from what we were. Long ago, before we were born, when we were inside our mothers’ bodies, we passed through various stages.

Oh, how I love this! God’s whole purpose is to bring us back to Him as beings like Him. He will not do anything else. He will not work for any other goal or be deterred from this goal. His promises are sure and I can trust that as He is working in my life, it if for my happiness, my development, my overall good.

Oh, how I love the Lord Jesus!

week 10

Dec 7, 2015 by tracy

It felt so empty without her here for Annesley’s baptism on Saturday, a good empty, but boy, howdy, it sure felt like one of us is missing! This Saturday she will find out if she will get transferred to a new area and/or to a new companionship. Our most recent package arrived and she now has fingernail polish, some love notes from Annesley, and some beautiful music to listen to…hurrah for fast shipping times in the U.S.A.! She asked again for her violin. Does anyone know anyone driving to Southern California?

Well, this week has gone by in a rush. We’ve had a ton of service opportunities, more than ever before. Friday was the ward Christmas party and it was Who-ville style. Lots of the little girls had Who hairdos and it was super cute. That night Sister Shumway was asked to play the piano for Elder Forthman, “Where Are You Christmas?” for the program, then at about 8:30 play at a convert baptism going on in the same building. She got the music that morning and we spent a great part of that day, and several others during the week rushing from meeting to meeting, to music study for missionaries, to service opportunities. It has been very full.

In the midst of that we taught Inci again,and next time we go over we’re hoping to bring one of the young women, Emily, who miraculously speaks Turkish. We’re really excited about that.

Yesterday was also very full. Joanie came to church with her daughter Kristen, Elder Everette’s mom, who he baptized since he’s been out on his mission. She bore a very sweet testimony and the whole testimony meeting was wonderful for which we were very grateful. Joanie liked it a lot and I think she did feel the spirit. They stayed all three hours and Kristen bore a sweet testimony to us about how it has been Elder Everette’s calling to bring them to the church. (If you’ve forgotten, he was adopted and grew up in an LDS family. He was baptized a year before he left on his mission and is a fabulous missionary.) Another thing with him – last night we got to call him to tell him that Joanie came to church with his mom and he was so excited. He also told us that he has found his dad. He was transferred in to Dana Pointe, where his dad lives, and they found him, and taught him, and showed him the new Christmas video. It is so wonderful to be able to be part of this, having his family be brought to the gospel.

If you haven’t already seen it, which you probably have, the #ASaviorIsBorn video is amazing. We use it a lot.

Love you all!
Sister W

thankful for

Dec 2, 2015 by tracy

The past few weeks have been full of a lot of introspection. I have spent a lot of time thinking about gratitude and even though Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, I still need to take some time to ponder and write down my list of gratitude.

My Heavenly Father and Mother
Jesus the Christ
Richard
Our children
The scriptures
My mom
My dad
My siblings
My grandma & grandpa
Oodles of cousins, aunts, and uncles
My dear, dear friends, oh, my goodness, I am blessed with amazing friends
A safe home
Trees
Sunshine
Clean water to drink
Water to play in
Water to relax by
Days at the lake
Food to eat
Ovens
Stoves
Fire
Sleeping bags
Snuggly quilts
Fleece
Wool socks
Comfortable shoes that protect feet from elements and owies
Mittens and gloves
Warm hats
Blue skies
Gentle breezes
Hammocks
Read-alouds with our children
Audio books
Amazing mentors that bless the lives of our family by sharing their passions and loving our children
Our homeschooling community
Gymnastics
Libraries
Books, glorious books
Book discussions
Communication in all its many forms – the spoken word, the written word, email, letters, phone calls, the look in someone’s eye, social media, hugs, tears, the sharing of the soul – I am so grateful I can connect with so many people and share not only information, but also our hearts
Music
Braces and tape to hold me together
Bone, Flesh, and Cartilage ointment
Essential oils
Herbs
Grapefruit Seed Extract
Onions, carrots, celery, garlic – use them all the time in my cooking and cannot imagine food without them
Ice cream
Chocolove Dark Chocolate and Sea Salt bars – totally delish
My bed
Ice packs and rice packs
Swim camp
Family reunions
Swings
Swimming pools
Working vehicles
Mountains
Kayaking
Angels
Priesthood blessings
Pumpkin pie
Toilets
Running water
Snow shovels
A flat driveway
Contacts
Glasses
Covenants
Washing machine & dryer
Refrigerators & freezers
Vacuums
Mechanical pencils
Staedtler pens
Photographs
My grandma’s aprons
Erasers
Water bottles
Magic erasers
Doors to keep the cold out
My church
My community
Goodness
Kindness
Generosity
Big dreams
Passion
Courage
Sacrifice
Freedom
Determination
Love, most of all, love

3 nephi 29:6

Dec 1, 2015 by tracy

In my topical guide search for scriptures on healing, I came across this gem in 3 Nephi 29:6.

Yea, wo unto him that shall deny the revelations of the Lord, and that shall say the Lord no longer worketh by revelation, or by prophecy, or by gifts, or by tongues, or by healings, or by the power of the Holy Ghost!

The God I believe in loves His children and is working among them as He always has, speaking to our hearts with the Holy Ghost, revealing truth, blessing us with healing, and so much more. Some may not believe those things are happening, but I see them on a regular basis in my life.

Last week I was given a (one of many I have received) priesthood blessing after an episode at church and the words spoken were so precious to my heart. I know Richard would never have said the words he uttered. They were straight from my Heavenly Father. I may or may not be healed from this connective tissue disorder in this life, but I know, without any doubt, that God is with me.

week 9 – pics galore!

Nov 30, 2015 by tracy

First major holiday away from us…and it is good, really, really good to think about our girly going out into the world and spreading joy and love on Thanksgiving day. She sounds so happy and fulfilled and THAT makes my heart explode with joy. Seriously, this missionary mama thing is the best! Super exciting this week is that she set up a Dropbox account and sent us a ton of pictures!

She is in a beautiful area!

Giant oranges…yummy!

Glad to see her desk is a bit cleaner than her one here at home.

How sweet are these notes? A member must have left them some treats with a note of thanks for their hard work.

She got to go to the temple with a girl in her mission who is about to leave on her own mission.

Blythe and her companion, Sister Shumway, at the temple.

Love this ~~Star of David~~ Seal of Melchizedek on the Newport Beach Temple!

And here is her letter:

The time is going way too fast. I can’t believe I’m almost 3 months in. I feel like I just got here, at the same time feeling like I’ve always been here.

This week has been amazing! In 5 days we picked up 6 new investigators, which, especially for this mission, is nothing short of miraculous. Several of them are families and we’re always shooting for that. We have a huge list of people to work with and we’re kept busy. We have been very blessed lately with people to work with.

Thanksgiving was really good. Bishop Owens’ family (his daughter lives in the ward) always go down to the Marine Base and have two Marines come spend Thanksgiving with them, which I may have already mentioned. So he really likes the missionaries to come over for a while and talk with them. It was an interesting experience for me, being our same age but with the military haircuts and talking about drills and stuff. They were pretty cool though and we stayed over there for a while. Their names were Josh and Chris. It was a new experience getting to know them.

We also went to Raquel’s. She’s Filipino and her whole family was there. She has 9 siblings, I think, though maybe a few more, and her parents were there, and all her siblings’ children and all her children. And they were all similar ages, since her younger siblings overlap with some of the older siblings’ kids. They span from 33ish to 10, but it’s really hard to tell how old they really are. Her mom still looks pretty young. They introduced all the kids at the same time, and whose child they were and it was just fun and a little crazy. They have a really fun family. I really enjoyed it! Kenny, (Raquel’s brother) has a really good voice, and his whole family just loves hearing him sing, so after some friendly pressuring he sang for us. He sang “I Stand All Amazed” and an upbeat song that I didn’t recognize (big surprise). He was super good and that visit was just really fun. They also had this Filipino dish called cevici or something – shrimp and fish in something like salsa. It was yummy.

Since we couldn’t go visit many people since they were having family time, we also went through our whole list and left little notes for them and a couple people have replied to us about those. A bunch of people in the ward just got mission calls. One of the Mauss girls is going to South America, there’s another girl who’s up at school, and a guy is going to Japan. They’re all just dying with excitement, so that was fun for us. I got to go to Hollie Mauss’ endowment since they invited us and we’ve been working with her. She helps us a lot with missionary work, so we got permission to go.

This week should be really great. We have a lot to invite people to as they start all this Christmas stuff.

Love you!!!!!
Sister W.

annes is 8!

Nov 28, 2015 by tracy

Miss Annesley is 8! This spunky, courageous, full-of-life girl turned eight on Thanksgiving Day. It doesn’t seem possible that it has been eight years since I gave birth to her in our birth pool in our bathroom. What a glorious birth it was!

Now she is a grown-up little girl – she is quite the pancake and waffle maker and she has recently learned how to make omelets all by herself. Her face is changing and looking older, the baby cheeks are gone, and her body is getting long and lanky (at least lanky for our house of short people!). Thank goodness she still likes snuggling with her papa and she still comes in to my bed every morning for a back rub and quiet morning conversation between just the two of us.

Right now her favorite books are Little House on the Prairie, Understood Betsy, and The Wingfeather Saga. She loves to listen to Adventures in Odyssey as she goes to sleep at night. Her favorite hymns are “Come, Come Ye Saints” and “Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing” and her favorite Primary songs are “Book of Mormon Stories, “Holding Hands Around The World”, and “I Like To Look For Rainbows.” Her favorite foods are pizza, pasta, peaches, avocados, carrots, celery, and smoothies. She says her favorite things to do are cooking, playing with Charlie, ice skating, sledding, playing the violin, piano, and recorder, math, and having fun.

Her birthday book this year is In My Heart: A Book of Feelings which is a delightful book about different feelings we have…joy, fear, anger, sadness, bravery, happiness, thankfulness…and how they impact our lives. It normalizes the experience of having feelings and I am hoping will help Annesley as she navigates her way through some pretty big feelings.

She got her very own CD player! We are pretty big audio book fans and she has been dreaming of having her own for a long time so she doesn’t have to beg, borrow (and not steal!) from her siblings for some CD time. This is the same Sony CD/Cassette with Aux-In we gave Fisher last year for his birthday. It has held up flawlessly for the past year so we decided having another one in the home was a great idea for family peace. During the afternoons, they both like to do art projects or build Legos while they are listening to a story…but they often want different stories or want to be in different parts of the house…so having one for each of them is a fantastic idea.

When our children turn eight, they are given a knife…IF they have proven themselves to be trustworthy and we believe they will not cause harm or threaten harm with it. It is a pretty big deal around here. As the youngest, Annesley has known getting a knife was a possibility, but not a guarantee, because she remembers when Fisher got his knife and she has heard all the stories of how Keziah did NOT get hers at the age of eight. She also knows she can have it taken away if she is mean, threatening, or does not take care of it.

Grandma Dorothy gave her her two favorite movies, Dolphin Tale 1 and 2. Such delight! She spun and shrieked with joy. Definitely the winner of the present adoration.

After all the Thanksgiving meal preps, eating, cleaning up, and obligatory napping, she decided sledding with her Papa was exactly what she wanted to celebrate her birthday. Fisher ended up joining them for some jaunts down the little hill at the end of our driveway.

Later that night after all the food had digested and we had room in our bellies for more deliciousness we had her birthday cake designed by her with Moosetracks and Chocolate ice cream, Chocolate Oreos smashed on the bottom and making a big 8 on top.

Grandma Dorothy, my brother Scott, Kez, Fisher, Papa, and Miss Annes.

I am so grateful for this girly. She has given me so many gifts and helped me see the world in new ways. Her pregnancy and birth were powerful demonstrations of the miracles of God and how He can heal our bodies even when it is deemed impossible. Her birth helped heal my heart and showed me I was stronger than I knew. Annesley lives life with zest…she is so much like me and loving her has helped me fall in love with my little girl self. Here are some of her adventures from the past year.

Tea party with her friend, Olivia.

Vacuum packing 120 pounds of chicken. She insisted on being the one to pick up the chicken and put it in each bag. That is the most disgusting part of the job so we happily let her take that job.

Making butter at Liberty Girls. These girls are so much fun!

Picking Honeycrisp Apples…yummy!

Saying goodbye to Blythe.

Driving away from the MTC with some big tears.

Heap of cuteness before our “real” family photo shoot.

And our “real” family photos.

Hiking with her siblings and Grandpa Barry and Cherie.

Heading out on her 8-year-old hike. Back when Blythe and Andie were turning 8, we started a tradition of Richard taking the almost 8 year old on an overnight backpacking adventure. Since our children turn 8 in August, September, and beginning of October, it seemed like a good plan. Annesley’s birthday at the end of October means she was our youngest hiker when she went on her hike back in August, but she was a trooper and hiked the whole way.

Swinging on the rope swing at Green River Lakes with Teryn.

Camping for 17 days at Green River Lakes…this is the life!

With her 3rd cousin, Jared, bug lovers and dear friends.

At the Splash Park.

Swimming with Olivia

One of our last days at the lake before the cold weather set in.

Learning about different cultures through dance.

Making Fried Rice with her protective goggles from the onion fumes…cracks me up!

Swim Camp adventures and saying goodbye to her dear friend, Paige, before she moved to Connecticut.

Searching for frogs at our family reunion in Wyoming.

Playing soccer at Paula’s and Cameron’s neighborhood soccer league.

Going to The Little Mermaid play at Hale Centre Theatre…she LOVED it!

Playing with one her dearest friends who moved away…yippee for visits!

Snake joy.

Climbing trees in our backyard. She loves climbing all the way to the top and hanging out there with her thoughts.

One of her many clay creations.

Waiting for her dentist appointment…love this picture of her and her cute little braids.

Reading Little House on the Prairie with her Mama. We need to finish the rest of the series!

Happy Birthday Annesley Aliyah…may you know how much we love you and how much God loves you.

week 8

Nov 28, 2015 by tracy

Blythe is working hard and learning much. On this Thanksgiving week we are especially thankful for her commitment and dedication to the Lord. We are grateful for her protection and the many people who are blessing our daughter’s life right now. She has been on her mission for ten weeks and in California for eight!

At the Newport Beach Temple with fellow missionaries.

I think her look of shock is at the humongous size of the orange?

This week has been really good. We taught a lesson last night to a lady named Nora and her 3 little boys (who really like us). It went really well and she had some good questions after. We showed them Because He Lives in Spanish since they’re Hispanic. It was really cool.

We will be going to see Keri, who we placed a Book of Mormon with, last week later this afternoon.

We’re seeing Angie, who is from Turkey, who we placed both an English and Turkish Book of Mormon (that one was hard to find) with. Her real name is Inci, but sounds similar to Angie. When we first contacted her she said she wasn’t interested – that she was Muslim though not very religious. We just said “Hi” to her whenever we saw her and she became more friendly. About 2 weeks ago the Elders texted us and said she’d told them that she was doing college application stuff for her son, but when that died down “it would be good for her to learn about the Christian religion” so we’ve been stopping by and she is super sweet. She Skypes her husband and daughter, who are still back in Turkey, every morning.

We’ve also visited several of our less actives and I just love Raquel B. (the Filipino mom). She let us in again, and we had a great conversation.

We saw April, a return missionary from Venezuela who has a nonmember husband and 2 kids above the age of 8 she wants baptized, but hasn’t taken a lot of initiative to get it done. We taught them Lehi’s dream and her kids are great. Zane, Zach and Zoe. :)

We had a lot of success. The only bad thing is that Liz texted and might drop us. She said she’d meet with us again though so maybe we can keep seeing her. She is really nice, and if she drops us I’ll try to stay in contact.

But really, we were able to do a lot this week. I feel back in the game now. We weren’t doing badly this transfer, but this week was a lot better.

Sister W.

jeremiah 17:7-8

Nov 24, 2015 by tracy

I’ve long been a fan of the book of Jeremiah. It is full of prophecy, hope, and redemption. Our son, Fisher Eli, is named after the prophecy in chapter 16 about the latter-day gathering of Israel. This past week I searched my scriptures for verses on hope as I felt I needed a bit of hope added to my bucket. I read many verses and was buoyed up by the power and love of God, but when I read Jeremiah 17:7-8, I knew it was the one I needed to ponderize.

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

This verse reminded me of the life-giving abundance of God. His water can grow things so strong, so fortified, that when the heat and drought comes, they still produce fruit.

Oh, how I need His living water so that I can remain steadfast and producing good fruit in the midst of drought.

My hope is God. I love Him. I trust Him. I am learning to completely depend on Him.

kat’s lentil tacos

Nov 20, 2015 by tracy

Miss Kat taught me how to make her delicious Lentil Tacos years ago. We love them ever so much for their easiness, deliciousness, healthiness, and low cost. Her website has disappeared from the interwebs, so I decided to post her recipe here so when people ask me for it, I have somewhere easy to send them.

Lentil Tacos

1 Onion, chopped (if you have time to saute on the stove first, it’s worth it)

2 1/2 C. Lentils

5 C. Water

2 tsp. Cumin

1 tsp. Garlic Salt

1/2 tsp. Pepper

Mix together in crockpot, cook at least 7 hours, 9 is even better on low or 3-4 hours on high. Or cook on the stove for about 30 minutes if you forgot to start it earlier in the day.

About 30 minutes before eating, add in:

1 14.5 oz. Can Diced Tomatoes

1 4 oz. Can Green Chilies

Right before eating, stir in 1 bunch of cilantro, chopped.
Serve on warm tortillas with these toppings:

Fresh Limes squeezed on top (a must!)

Sour Cream (optional, but delicious)

Grated Cheese (optional, but delicious)

Salsa (optional, but delicious)

My mom doesn’t like cilantro, so we leave it out when she is here and just let everyone put their cilantro on individually instead of mixing it into the big pot.

Thank you Katherine for blessing our family’s life with your fabulous foodie creations!

i guess wrists are pretty important

Nov 19, 2015 by tracy

It looks like it’s time for some more growing – growing of me and my capacity to deal with another injury. One might think I would be a pro at this by now, but I’m not. I haven’t figured out how to accept each new injury without throwing a little fit about it first.

I fell back on October 30 – a sudden face-plant on our front cement when my pants caught on our gate. My arms were full of stuff and I went straight down to the ground like a plank. Somehow at the last millisecond, my right arm shot out and caught me just a hair before the rest of my body hit. I dislocated my shoulder, elbow, and wrist. After getting those joints kind of back in place, I was not in too terrible of shape and I actually went and taught gym for the day. The next day I had a big passing out episode at our monthly baptismal service and when I came to and found a group of men ready to help carry me to my wheelchair and then into my house, I was super concerned about them lifting up under my arm because I knew my shoulder was still super sore and I knew it would dislocate again if they touched it. What I wasn’t too concerned about was my wrist. It was a little sore, but nothing like my shoulder.

A few days later Jeremy put me all back together much better than I had done and I thought my arm was going to be fine. it was sore, but didn’t seem too serious to me.

Unfortunately, the pain is increasing. He has now worked on it three times and not only is it not improving, it seems to be getting worse. Especially with writing. And mousing (the act of using a computer mouse). And doing my hair. And stirring food.

So yesterday we had the gist of this conversation.

Me: You’ve got to work on my neck, my neck really hurts.

J: I will, but we need to check on your wrist. Tell me where the pain is. Tell me what makes it hurt more.

Me: Oh, it is just STUPID. Just a stupid, little injury. I don’t want to spend any more time on my wrist. Let’s work on my neck and ribs and knee today.

J: I will get to those things, but we need to work on your wrist.

Me: Fine. But it is stupid. How can such a small little thing be taking up this much time and be affecting so much of my life? It just needs to stop hurting so we can focus on the more important stuff.

J: Tracy, this is your hand we are talking about. Your right, very dominant, hand. I’d say it’s pretty important.

Me: Well, yes, when you put it like that, I guess my hand is important. But it just seems so stupid that we have to take time away from my neck and ribs and hip and knee to deal with this stupid injury. It’s such a distraction!

J: Tracy, let me tell you about the Stanford Tomato Study. The researchers had two greenhouses with identical tomato plants in each one. Every day they would go in one greenhouse and say, “I hate you. You are bad tomato plants. You won’t grow.” In the other greenhouse they would say, “I love you. You are beautiful plants. You will grow big tomatoes.” The tomatoes did just what they were told. You need to be telling your arm, “You are a good arm. You are hurt and we are going to help you get better. I love you. Thank you for serving me so well. You will heal and get stronger and I will help you.”

Me: Argh. I know that. And the water study and the rice study. All cool beans. But don’t you agree with me that this injury is getting in the way of more important things? I mean just a few weeks ago we were super concerned about brain stem compression and now we are spending all sorts of time on this little ~~stupid~~ wrist injury.

J: It is NOT stupid. This is your hand. A major part of your functioning as a human being is in your hand. It is important and we need to get it better so you can use it again.

Me finally humbled and listening with my heart instead of my head: Hmmm, okay. I will stop calling it stupid and start sending it love and do my best to give it what it needs. What is wrong and what does it need?

J: Well, I think your TFCC or Triangular Fibro-Cartilage Complex is either torn or stretched really badly. You have all the symptoms. Your radius and ulna aren’t tracking together and the TFCC is the cartilage and ligament structure that connect those two bones. You need to not use it. Don’t do things that hurt it like write and mouse and definitely no more stirring pots of soup. You need to brace it if the tape isn’t working as well as it needs to and rest it and send it love. And start juggling with your left hand to build some coordination because it needs to take over.

Me: Okay. Okay. Fine. I will do those things.

I have been trying to work this all out in my heart and mind, to really take his words in and believe them…and while I do, I am still fighting it a bit. It does seem like a silly injury! And it is super exasperating because it is a whole new body part that is injured and the last thing I need is to add another body part to the list of damaged areas…right hip, sacrum, pubic bone, left foot, right foot, right knee, spine, brainstem, vagus nerve, facial nerve, temporomandibular joint, cerebellum, ribs, clavicle, esophagus, stomach, cecum, IT band, hamstrings, left shoulder, right shoulder, and now my right elbow, wrist, and hand. Oh my goodness, what body parts are left? My left hand, hip, and knee? For heaven’s sake, I need to keep the uninjured parts of me UNINJURED. Once something is damaged on me, it doesn’t get back to its preinjured state, it is weakened and much more prone to future injury, so it is really important to not get the first injury.

At the same time, I can see that it IS important and I need to stop thinking of it as stupid. I need to honor this injury and view it as something just as important as my brainstem or hip. It is harder for me to do that though because I can walk just fine with an injured wrist. I can move without wincing. I think something is wrong with my brain’s processing of things because it seems I believe that if I can still move, it must not be very serious – only injuries that completely stop me in my tracks are important. Maybe that is why the first injury did stop me in my tracks and put me in bed? Hmmm. Big things to ponder.

I ordered the new ulnar support brace along with a compression sleeve this morning and am hoping Amazon pulls a miracle and gets them here faster than the estimated delivery dates. In the meantime, I am trying to train myself not to use my right arm for anything…basically impossible, but I am giving it a valiant effort. Tell me, how am I supposed to put my contacts in with my left hand? Or do my hair? Or anything? How am I supposed to not write?

Okay. Deep breaths. Time to learn more lessons and grow.

he’s not boring

Nov 18, 2015 by tracy

Stable.

Boring.

Rock-solid.

Boring.

Patient. Dedicated. Committed. Perseverant. Adorable. Hero of the fridge, plugged drains, and piles of puke.

Boring.

Completely full of love for me.

We go back and forth with this discussion all the time. He thinks he is boring and wonders how on earth someone with my passion and energy and drive could ever be content with someone like him. I think he is stable and is the rock that holds all the crazy people in this home together.

In spite of my absolute conviction that he is not boring, lately I have been making him feel boring and not enough for me. From somewhere deep inside me a need to be swooned has burst forth and since he doesn’t feel like he is a swooning kind of guy, he was feeling like he isn’t enough for me. I think this need is mostly coming from my feeling so terribly broken and undesirable…like the need to be desired and swept off my feet has increased as my own inner undesirableness has increased. I have hurt him and apologized and hurt him again and apologized some more. Oh, how I wish I knew how to be a constant well of kindness and love. Oh, how I sometimes wish I could cut out my tongue!

We have worked it out. I have been able to narrow down my expectations so he has something to actually work with instead of a nebulous cloud of “I just need to be swept off my feet.” He has taken me on two actual, factual dates where I didn’t have to plan it out or do a single thing to make it happen. Two blissful wonderful evenings my soul desperately needed.

And then, I read this article on The Real Truth About ‘Boring Men’ and bawled my soul right out onto my pillow. Later that night, I sobbed my way through it again as I read it aloud to him. Go read it. Really. Right now. I wish I had Ann’s gift of communication and could have somehow written that message myself.

As we read, we both saw the truth of the situation. He saw himself with new eyes and realized he is not boring, he is purposed. My Richard has purposed his life to following Christ, giving his whole soul to me, and loving, serving and teaching our children. It is a 24/7 endeavor. So, while he may not surprise me with some fantastic date idea or make a YouTube video proclaiming his love, he will be in the trenches with me, cleaning up puke, listening to our children’s nighttime fears, and adoring my broken, soft-around-the-middle body. He is staying. He will not surprise me be leaving, by finding some hot new young thing. He is in this for the long haul and is determined to be kind, patient, forgiving, and serve each of us for now and forever. He has laid down his life for our family.

It is not showy or fancy, but it is real. It is solid. It is exactly what I need.

annes on injuries

Nov 17, 2015 by tracy

My little Annesley has decided she is a speech writer. Keziah is in the middle of writing two speeches that she has to give this week and I guess Annes has caught the bug. Yesterday she presented her Anything Is Possible If You Have Love speech and today she gave us this speech on injuries. This is word for word what she said.

Warning: grab a tissue.

My name is Annesley and I am writing about injuries. You can fall off a skateboard. You can fall off of a tree. My mom has injuries, but even if I am sad she can’t do the stuff most mothers can, I am still happy I have a mother who takes good care of me and loves her family. I love her, too.

Injuries don’t mean it’s the end of your life. Injuries can sometimes help you to realize what is ahead of you in your life. When you have an injury or when you have a family member who has an injury, it doesn’t mean that she or he won’t take care of you. It means that you will be able to fight trials and you will have to get used to those trials because it will happen.

My mom is suffering through a tissue disorder. She has been passing out, but this week she has been doing okay. I like that I have a loving mother who takes good care of me.

My mom has an injury and I love her. She teaches a good homeschool group and she teaches gym. She doesn’t actually do all the tricks, but she has people do it for her. She has Grant and she has my sister, that is technically all.

Injuries might make you feel like you need to stay in your room all the time, but that is not true. You should try to help the people in your family who are injured. You should get used to having a family member who is hurt. Once I had an injury. I did a front flip into the pit and hurt my back. It hurt so much, but then it calmed down. But that is not what happens with my mom. When she gets hurt or passes out, she shakes for about two hours or maybe three. I do not like that, but I try to help her as much as I can.

Even when you get hurt it doesn’t mean you will never, ever be able to walk or look behind you again. It means you are hurt. Just plain hurt. It might seem like everything is aimless, but anything is possible with Jesus Christ. He will heal you.

Oh my, the tears. This precious girl doesn’t even remember me before I was injured. This has been her life. She sometimes wistfully says, “Mom, I wish you could run around the yard with me.” Or, “Mom, tell me what you were like before you were like this. Tell me about how you would ride your bike. Tell me about how you would played baseball and volleyball.” Oh, how I love her. I remember so clearly the feeling I got the first time I looked in her eyes. She told me spirit to spirit, “Mom, it’s gonna be okay.”

And now, it is time to trust her message.

week 7 in cali

Nov 16, 2015 by tracy

I have been asking Blythe all sorts of questions each week, but she never has time to answer them. Today she tried extra hard to answer me, wahoo! Today marks two full months since the day we dropped her off at the MTC. Craziness! I need to get a package in the mail to her with some fingernail polish, some instrumental music, and some recipes. If anyone knows of anyone driving to the Irvine area, please let me know because she really wants her violin. She refuses to let it be shipped, so it needs to be driven to her.

Mom, to answer your questions – Sister Davis wrote me once and Madi writes, but nobody else.:( The ukulele is awesome, and several people have music that I can copy for it. If you could, I’d love an inexpensive tuner, since the only place I can tune with a piano is the church, but don’t worry too much about that. We normally eat every night in a members home, though this week has had a lot of open nights. I cook lunches and dinners when we’re not in a home. We do laundry at Tina O.’s house, and she is fantabulous! She has the funniest impression of her mom walking, of Disney characters, and anything else you can think of. She found out that Sister Shumway loves popcorn and gets popcorn of varying flavors for us to try. Of her and Carlos O. we say she wears the suit and he wears the dress and totally agree.:) She has all the power tools and is always doing some project in the house. Carlos likes cooking and always gets out stuff to make Italian sodas when we’re over for dinner. They are both hilarious! Tina is currently switching her front door to face the other way, and Carlos tore out all the carpet in the living room so they could put in a new floor. They always have projects going. I like all my clothes. I can’t think of a favorite, but if Old Navy still has those navy flats, I’d love more, they’re my favorite.

Now on to the important stuff. This week has been a little weird, because we worked really hard, and actually did some really good things, but they weren’t in the direction we thought it would go, which sometimes happens. Our key indicator numbers look really bad, but that’s mostly because we weren’t able to contact most of the people we were hoping to. We haven’t been able to contact Liz for 2 weeks, not since our last appointment. Her baptism can no longer be on the 5th, because she didn’t come to church yesterday, and she has to come 3 times before she can be baptized. It looks like we still have some ground to cover there, but we’re working on it. Hopefully we’ll see her tonight!

We actually got an actual appointment with Jennifer for this next Friday! Super exciting! Set appointments are really hard to get. I’m crossing my fingers.

Joanie is always busy, but absolutely forbids us to lose contact with her, especially with this last possible transfer. But we are setting up a dinner with the Mausses (who know her and her daughter, the mom of Elder Everette). We keep visiting her and one of these days I’m sure it’s going to pay off.

A lot of our success this week has been with less actives. We had another awesome visit with the Miskinyar/Gudmaunsen family and each time it gets a little better. We also got in with Raquel B. She’s always traveling and it’s super hard to see her. She’s Filipino and we have a Filipino Elder who has been trying to get an appointment with her. We got a time he could come by and we talked to her for quite a while. Her husband is a big businessman and doesn’t like the church. She tried to come a couple times, but hasn’t made it yet. She asked us to come by for a while on Thanksgiving when her family (who are active) will be there. She’s super friendly and I like her quite a lot. She’s also seriously pretty and has an adorable little boy who is basically a monkey. We’ll also be able to stop by soon again hopefully.

So for Thanksgiving we’re going to Raquel’s, and the bishop’s, at least for a minute, since they bring marines from the base south of us to have Thanksgiving in their home, and he likes us to come meet them, and having dinner with the Cheney’s. We’ll be well taken care of, I’m sure. :)

We picked up a few potentials, and one of them conveniently is friends with several of our ward members, and gave both of them a Book of Mormon! Yea!

Alright, so the Mausses. They live way out in the rolling hills away from the city and in fact are outside the mission boundaries. We have special permission to go out there once a month for dinner. You have to go up this skinny little road perched on top of a mountain. I’d hate to be pulling a trailer! They are loud and fun and hilarious and great singers. One daughter is expecting her mission call any day and the whole family is highly involved in our missionary efforts. Basically, they’re awesome!

It’s been really cool recently because several ward members have gone out of they’re way to tell us that they really appreciate our sincere efforts and that they can tell that all four of us work well together and are really engaged in the work. It’s great to know that they see that.

My emails may start being shorter, since everyone here just learned that they want us to keep our emailing under an hour.:( I’m not that fast at typing… Anyway.

Love you all!!
Sister W.

stuffed potatoes

Nov 16, 2015 by tracy

Something inside my mom-heart has woken up recently and I have been trying to prepare food for my family more frequently. I want my children to eat food I make for them, to feel my love for them in the food I feed them. Unfortunately this awakening has happened at the same time my wrist and forearm are terribly sore from my faceplant on October 30. So, we have some funny moments where I try to do things with my left hand and food flies across the kitchen. Or I spill things – yes, even more than usual – when I try to pour with my left hand. We have discovered it is basically just there to make me look normal as it is nearly non-functional for any cooking or writing activities.

Tonight I made one of our favorite dishes from long, long ago when I used to cook everything from scratch and did so on a regular basis. When Annesley saw what was for dinner, she didn’t even remember eating these before so it must have been awhile ago when I was making these on a regular basis!

Stuffed Potatoes

5 Large Baked Potatoes

1 C. Plain Yogurt (can substitute sour cream)

1 C. Shredded Cheddar Cheese

3 T. Butter

2 T. Milk

2 T. Finely Minced Onion

1/2 tsp. Salt

Dash of Pepper

1/2 C. chopped cooked bacon (I’ve never put it in and it is super delicious without it.)

Slice potatoes in half lengthwise. Scoop out centers, reserving shells. Beat potatoes with yogurt cheese, butter, milk, onion, seasonings, and bacon. Stuff shells. Place on baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Garnish with paprika and/or parsley (although I have never put either one on).

From Whole Foods For The Whole Family by La Leche League International

My arm is done functioning for the night. Cutting and scooping out and stirring and scooping back in were super painful, but worth it for the squeals of delight from our kiddos and the smiles my sweetie gave me when he saw what I had made.

anything is possible if you have love

Nov 16, 2015 by tracy

Annesley “wrote” this today. She actually dictated it to me from her writing notebook, but she didn’t really write all these words – her paper is full of lots of scribbles and lots of love words. She did, however, say them all. This is her message to the world, word for word as she said it, completely unedited by me except for the punctuation.

My name is Annesley and I am writing about love. Love can build families. Every time you are kind, love grows in your family. Love can build houses. Love can build people. Love can build buildings.

People might say you do not have love, but that is not true. You have love every time you are kind. Even if you are sad, you can still have love. You can share love. Love can still grow.

I am so glad that I have a sister on a mission. Even though I am sad, I can still send love to her.

I share love when I go to people’s houses. I give love. When I am naughty, I am not sharing love. When I am kind, I am sharing love. Every time I make a choice, I am trying to make a good choice.

You can share love with a friend, with family members, or even with someone you don’t know. You can share love, it’s just like a plant. When you are growing a plant, it is just like you are building love. Love is growing in your heart, your mind, and even your friend’s heart. You can build courage with love. You can build courage by asking someone to play with you even if you don’t know them. When you are going somewhere with your friends, you should always spread love.

When you don’t believe you have love, Jesus is sending it down to you and you should use that love to build families, make friendships, and be kind. Jesus sends love down to everyone.

Love can grow in your heart. You can build love, you can share love.

Anything is possible if you have love.

Pretty wise words from this almost 8 year old. Next week is her birthday and her baptism is the week after. A little part of me has been wondering if she is truly ready to make this covenant with Jesus. Although she is naturally joyful and full of zest, she struggles with honesty and kindness. We have spent the past many months preparing her for this time of covenant making and while there have been glimpses of this deeper, more thoughtful side of her showing up, it wasn’t until today when she read me this paper on love that I knew she was ready.

because towers are fun

Nov 15, 2015 by tracy

First day of my period + Friday gym + Friday church party + Friday night at Kat’s = exhausted mama. I spent all of Saturday in bed. Literally. I believe I got out three times to use the bathroom and that is all – I never even left my room. After sleeping soundly for hours on end while my children did their Saturday jobs, schoolwork, and played games together, I found these on my phone.

I’m so glad these bendable, hilarious kiddos are mine. I guess when you are super bendy, this sounds like a good idea. In fact, I can even remember when I thought things like this were super fun. But now? Now, not so much. And my mind can’t help but jump to the future and wonder what damage they just caused to their bodies. I don’t like being in that frame of mind – and I certainly don’t want to pass it on to them. I want them to live fully and without a care in the world. Carpe diem all the way. So, I am trying my darndest to stay silent about the possible repercussions of these kinds of moves and let them enjoy their fun.

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