the cold that won’t quit

Jan 31, 2016 by tracy

After a few days of getting better, I am back in bed and living in snot-city again. Okay, to be honest, the snot volume isn’t back to where it was last Sunday, but it has dramatically increased in the past 12 hours. My neck is kinked and super sore, so I am lying in bed hooked up to my TENS unit, smothered in oils, with my tissues and Miracle Salve nearby.

Annes is sick as well, waking up with a fever and sore throat, so she and I are hanging out while everyone else is at church.

This is so rare for us, I don’t know what the cow is going on. Richard has been ill…probably with walking pneumonia for nearly 2 months. I am sick and now Annes is sick as well. We hardly ever get sick and when we do, our supplements, oils, and energy work take care of it lickety-split. But this time, it is hanging on.

Last night we all went to see Keziah’s play – SO FUN! It is an adorable story and we all laughed our heads off. Well, I didn’t actually laugh. I also didn’t clap as it took far too much effort to move my arms to clap. I mostly just laid there and smiled on the inside. I was so exhausted by the time we got to the play, I could hardly move. But everyone else laughed and enjoyed themselves.

The last few days…iFamily starting, Liberty Girls Kick-Off Party for the new semester, gym on Friday, errands and the play on Saturday…kicked my butt and now I need to take a few days to rest this body and let it recover all the way from this cold.

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annes and the police station

Jan 27, 2016 by tracy

Miss Annes is full of zest. Chock-full of curiosity, stories, creativity, enthusiasm, and is about as cute as can be. Everywhere we go people love her. Except for the few people she drives absolutely banana-cakes with her “muchness.”

Today was the first day of iFamily, our awesome homeschool group. She is in a Community Explorations class this semester where they go out to different businesses and community entities to learn about how they function and what they do to make our community great. Today was the Police Station. Annes gave a Texas-sized shout of “Hurrah” when she found out. Unbeknownst to me, she is a little over the top curious about all things police-y because of her current obsession with Adventures in Odyssey mysteries.

When she returned to iFamily I asked one of her mentors how it went and if Annesely was well-behaved. She gave me a huge laugh and said, “Annesley is the best part of my day, I love that girl! She is FULL of life!” Thrilled with that response, I asked her to tell me all about it.

She reported that on the way in to the Police Station, Annesley said, “Oh no! They won’t let me in! They have metal detectors and look at my boots!” Her mentor said she thought the little piece of metal on the end of her cowboy boots would be just fine. Annesley responded with, “Oh, are they not very sensitive?”

At some point the police officer must have been talking about roadblocks and Annesley asked if there was a robbery because why would you ever have a roadblock without a robbery?

The third comment was “Do you deal with a lot of counterfeiters?” The police officer said no, not a whole lot. Why?” Annesley said, “Well, I know all about making counterfeit money!” She actually has no idea how to make counterfeit money, but she has listened to her Adventures In Odyssey CDs about a counterfeiting ring about a hundred times since Christmas so she thinks she is pretty much an expert. However, I would hope she would be a so-called expert in catching the counterfeiters, not copying their trade.

I’m tickled she has such fun opportunities for learning and mentors that appreciate her enthusiasm for life. I just hope the good officers don’t set up some kind of sting operation to bust us for counterfeiting.

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slightly better, but still under the weather

Jan 26, 2016 by tracy

Oh my goodness, the snot. The sneezing. The pressure in my head. iFamily starts tomorrow and I am far from ready. I am trying to pull it all together today because I am feeling significantly improved from Sunday…but significantly better still isn’t well…it is more like barely functioning instead of looking like death warmed over.

A batch of laundry done (underwear…we were all desperate for some clean underthings). The sink cleaned out. A few emails sent and Blythe’s letter posted. Children listening to audio books and drawing and cleaning out the car and cutting wood in the garage.

And I am done. Ready to go back to bed for the rest of the day.

I think I will take a little nap and then try again in a few hours. I still need to print off cover sheets for my Math Alive-EUREKA students’ notebooks, study some background information on Archimedes’ life, prepare our in-class activity, and make our Challenge of the Week sheets for each student to take home. Then the car needs to be vacuumed and filled up with gas (surely Richard will do that for me when he gets home!) and all the children’s bags need to be packed and lunch food assessed, perhaps restocked, and packed.

And I need to get better.

Stat.

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week 17

Jan 26, 2016 by tracy

We have been praying hard for our missionary this week. I know her heart has been hurting so much. It was lovely to hear from her on Monday and see that her spirits are lighter and she knows she is in God’s keeping. We were able to mail her some exercise videos this week that she can do in her apartment and she is super excited to be able to do something a little more engaging than just the push-ups, sit-ups, and other boring stuff she has been doing.

This week has been really good. My companion and have been able to work our struggles out and this last week has been great. I know it was the Lord working through us, because we, or at least I, couldn’t have done it.

Transfers are next Tuesday and we’ll get the call this weekend. I am praying so hard not to be transferred right now. Of course, I would never want to leave this area, but I really hope I can stay to help the Collins right now, because Sister Hollenbeck barely knows them since we haven’t been able to go by as much lately. But whatever happens the ward is still stepping in and helping and they’ll be alright. I was thinking of the verse that says “I have finished the work thou sent me to do” after the funeral. Leslie brought all those kids here and I believe that she has finished her work from God. I want to be able to say that when I go home that I have done all that I was called to do.

The funeral was very nice. The local Presbyterian church put it on and the room was packed. A lot of the ward members attended. It was a beautiful service, but also sad, because they don’t know about the plan of salvation and the opportunity they have to be united eternally, to be a family after this life. The three wards that have been in contact with Leslie’s family and a lot of the stake came together to put on the reception afterward and it was really good. There was the most beautiful sunset that evening too.

Random little miracle. Early last week after we’d found out about Leslie and we’d been having problems and I was having a hard time, we were contacting and I was really thirsty. I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining so I didn’t say anything for a while. Eventually I just said I was thirsty and Sister Hollenbeck said she was too. Within about a minute a water delivery truck pulled up and the guy asked if we would like some water. He gave us a bottle each, and we talked to him for a minute. He said he always tried to give the missionaries water when he saw them because he knew we walk a lot. So God really is looking out for us. :)

Love,
Sister W.

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thank heavens for puffs plus

Jan 24, 2016 by tracy

I hardly ever get sick, but yesterday I woke up all stuffy. By evening I had a runny nose, but still felt fairly okay and was able to make it to the temple to do sealings (107 completed last night!). By the time I got home, I was wiped out and laid awake most of the night blowing my nose and reapplying Miracle Salve to my sore nostrils.

Now it is the Sabbath and I am definitely sick. Beside me on the bed is a heaping pile of used Puffs Plus tissues, Catalyn, echinacea, zinc, vitamin c, Breezy and Life Force essential oils, my water bottle, and oodles of genealogy paperwork I am trying to sort through in between sneezes. No ribs have come out of place during the sneezing, WAHOO!

I am really hoping this cold moves on out super quick. iFamily starts on Wednesday and it is Play Weekfor Keziah for the next two weeks…which means lots of long days, late nights, and tons of fun as we watch the kids we love put on great performances. I need to be all better quick as a flash!

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week 16

Jan 20, 2016 by tracy

Our girly is hurting. She could use oodles of prayers and love. Please pray for her companion and for Leslie’s family. Please pray Blythe will know how to comfort Leslie’s family. Please pray that they will experience the peace of God and feel wrapped in His arms of love.

On another note, I apologized to Blythe this week for the many times I was angry or exasperated with her when she was a teenager. She responded with such a lovely…and grownup note of love for me. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. If I had any other mom I would have a very different life. Few other people would have adjusted so much to fit my needs and few other people are as dedicated and passionate as you. You’re awesome. I’m sorry for all of it. :) It wasn’t nearly as bad as a lot of people experience as teenagers. Love you <3" I cried happy tears. My girly has learned a lot of wisdom in the past four months.

So I have some bad news. Leslie passed away on Thursday night. In case anyone doesn’t know, she was one of our investigators. She has seven kids and has been battling cancer for two years. I am overwhelmed a little with the responsibility to help their family get through this time, but we will try our very best to support them and love them. We didn’t find out until Friday night, and I had to make the calls around to the other missionaries who had worked with them. I feel so sad for them. Friday through Sunday were really hard. I felt very unproductive, and I came to that point like where I really did feel like I was wasting my time, not because there’s not work to be done, but because we can’t seem to do it. Saturday was hard. We didn’t make a lot of visible progress and I was still thinking a lot about Leslie’s family, and it was just a bad day. It is sort of scary, because Leslie had priesthood blessings that promised healing, and they were not fulfilled in the way they expected them to be fulfilled. Now I have some understanding of it, and know that those blessings were not wasted, or even unfulfilled, but I’ve been worried how to explain all of that to them, as they probably don’t believe in priesthood power and now have reason to believe that it’s not real. But it’s been cool because as I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve been able to find other ways to teach about eternal families, like focusing on the temple. When I was thinking about the questions they might ask about why the blessings didn’t heal her, I thought about how ancient Israel was waiting for the Savior to save them from their physical enemies, but that He really came to save them spiritually and how those blessings she received were not wasted.

Cevik’s back in town, and we taught him last Sunday. When we invited him to be baptized he said they weren’t really interested in converting, but he wants to learn more and says he will read the Book of Mormon. We also gave Minoo a Farsi Book of Mormon and she says she’s been reading it.

We went to the temple on Friday Morning and I had a really sweet experience there. I was one of the last to leave the celestial room. When everyone started heading out, I was just thinking how I just didn’t want to go, that I just wanted to stay right there and feel the peace. As I was thinking this, I felt the words “I am always with you” and I knew that He would be with me, even though it was hard, and even though my companionship relationship is hard. That came at a time to prepare me for the challenges the last few days, because later that day everything started sort of falling apart. Then that night we found out about Leslie and the next day was just was hard. Sunday I was still having a hard time and I just did not want to get up early and go to meetings, which are of course earlier since church starts at 9:00 now, and we hadn’t finished progress records. But in ward council that day Brother Nielson said to put us missionaries on the prayer role. I think that is the first time that has happened and the prayer for us was exactly what I needed. I’m sure he was inspired. The day before when I’d felt so useless, I’d heard something or read something that was talking about how Heavenly Father takes us as we are and works with us so we can become better. Then in Ward Conference on Sunday they referenced the quote “Our direction is ever more important to Him than our speed.” Those things are exactly what I needed to hear at those moments.

With the last couple days of these challenges, I have had multiple witnesses that God is mindful of me in my trials and is watching over me. Thank you for your prayers and faith.

My ponderizing scripture is 1 Nephi 13:37: “And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be.”

Love you all.
Sister W.

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the magician’s nephew

Jan 16, 2016 by tracy

We started our reading of The Chronicles of Narnia on New Year’s Day and we finished last night after the children begged and pleaded for me to finish the last two chapters in one sitting. They couldn’t bear to wait another day to hear the ending of The Magician’s Nephew.

Ah. It is like breathing life into my soul to read Narnia to my children. Blythe was obsessed with Narnia from about age six to eight. Obsessed. We read it over and over and over and listened to the Focus on The Family Dramatized version for years. The story of Aslan, Lucy, Peter, Mr. Tumnus, Caspian, Shasta, the witch, Tirian, the ape, the dwarfs, and all the rest are part of our family culture. So it isn’t that the stories are new to Fisher and Annes. But in a way they are new. I have never read them to them. They have never been through the story beginning to end. They have never experienced it all unfolding before them. I guess I thought that because it is all around them because of Blythe’s great love for the story and the movies coming out several years ago that they didn’t need me to read it to them. That they knew it all.

But they don’t. There is so much they have missed because they were too little when Blythe was still listening to the stories all the time. They have grown up with the characters and basic story line, but they have missed the greater wisdom of this epic adventure that grows as they identify with a character, feel the hard choices, pain, and joy, and face their own character flaws and strengths as they consider what they would do in the same situation.

And so we read each night and the story unfolds before them and wraps up their imagination in the lovely world of right and wrong, courage, friendship, faith, sacrifice, and always, always Aslan calling to their souls.

I’m so glad God gave me the prompting back in November that this should be our next read aloud. It is proving to be a delightful journey.

Favorite lines this time through:

“Oh, I see. You mean that little boys ought to keep their promises. Very true: most right and proper, I’m sure, and I’m very glad you have been taught to do it. But of course you must understand that rules of that sort, however excellent they may be for little boys – and servants – and women – and even people in general, can’t possibly be expected to apply to profound students and great thinkers and sages. No, Digory. Men like me, who possess hidden wisdom, are freed from common pleasures. Ours, my boy, is a high and lonely destiny.”

As he said this he sighed and looked so grave and noble and mysterious that for a second Digory really thought he was saying something rather fine. But then he remembered the ugly look he had seen on his Uncle’s face the moment before Polly had vanished, and all at once he saw through Uncle Andrew’s grand words. “All it means is that he things he can do anything he likes to get anything he wants.”

Such wisdom young Digory is gaining! He knows that it is not just for a code of conduct to only apply to some people. He knows his uncle is behaving abominably and a little seed is planted in his heart to not do the same. In the end, his greatest joys come because he learns and obeys that lesson.

“In Charn [Jadis] had taken no notice of Polly (till the very end) because Digory was the one she wanted to make use of. Now that she had Uncle Andrew, she took no notice of Digory. I expect most witches are like that. They are not interested in things or people unless they can use them; they are terribly practical.”

How am I using people? I so want to love people, not use them.

“Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.”

Hmmmm.

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.”

I have found this to be so true. I see in others parts of my own soul reflected back at me. Perspective is a crazy thing. It can be incredibly false and powerfully true. Praying to see as God sees has made a huge difference in my life.

“You know me better than you think, you know, and you shall know me better yet.”

All of us know God. Our souls yearn to be with our Father again. Knowing Him is my heart’s desire.

“Look for the valleys, the green places, and fly through them. There will always be a way through.”

Always. Always. Always He will provide a way through the hard, craggy mountains of life.

“But length of days with an evil heart is only length of misery and already she begins to know it. All get what they want; they do not always like it.”

We become what we desire, but that doesn’t mean the end of the road will be what we want.

“But I cannot tell that to this old sinner, and I cannot comfort him either; he has made himself unable to hear my voice. If I spoke to him, he would hear only growlings and roarings. Oh, Adam’s son, how cleverly you defend yourself against all that might do you good!”

How do I make myself unable to hear His voice? What do I need to do today and each day to better hear Him.

“Things always work according to their nature.”

We live and multiply and work according to who we are. We can only pretend for so long, but the truth of who we are always comes out. At the root of everything, we are children of God and if we can let that truth grow within us, we will live as children of God.

“Child, that is why all the rest are now a horror to her. That is what happens to those who pluck and eat fruits at the wrong time and in the wrong way. Oh, the fruit is good, but they loath it ever after.”

Oh. Oh. Such wisdom. Takes my breath away to think about it.

“Glory be!” said the Cabby. “I’d ha’ been a better man all my life if I’d known there were things like this.”

The glory and majesty of God’s power is beyond my comprehension. I want to be a better, truer, more kind, obedient, and daughter. Oh, heaven help me.

Tonight we will start The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. What a joy it is to share Narnia with my little ones!

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week 15

Jan 12, 2016 by tracy

We have more snow than we have had the past several winters and Blythe, who loves snow, has none in Sunny California. I almost didn’t dare tell her about the snow, but I finally let her in on it this week and she said “I am personally offended!” She isn’t really though, probably just shocked that we are getting so much. She has been teaching a woman (Leslie) with cancer and it looks like she might pass away this week. We are praying for Leslie’s family this week that they will feel the love and tender care of the Lord while they go through this experience.

Blythe with her first companion, Sister Shumway.

She must be making artsy journal entries for every transfer.

Artsy stuff for transfer 2. She is coming up on transfer 3 soon.

So this week there’s been some pretty awesome things. Cevik’s back in town, and we taught him, though it went sort of awkwardly. We’ll be seeing him next Sunday, and we are hopeful we’ll be able to bring one of the couple of members that he knows.

We saw a family that missionaries have been knocking on their door since before I got here with no response. They’re a part member family and the mom (who’s the member) didn’t really want anything to do with the church, though she has several friends in the ward. We talked to the son, Chase, and he was really friendly, and we were there for about 10 minutes just outside talking.

A less active lady we’ve been working with came to church yesterday. She really likes us and has set up multiple appointments which have always fallen through. I didn’t even see for a long time after I got here. But we finally got in this week, though we were on exchange so I wasn’t there, and she came to church and brought her daughter. So I was super excited!

Also, Minoo, who is the one from Iran – we’re hoping to teach her soon and we found out that there’s a guy in the ward who speaks Farsi from his mission! The apartment complex in our area is such a melting pot and these things just keep lining up. It’s just crazy!

I also had my first really beneficial exchange this week. The other comp exchanges I’ve been on kind of felt like they were just filling time. We didn’t make much progress, I felt like. (In case you don’t know what an exchange is, it’s where you and your companion split up and go with your sister training leaders, who are sort of like a Sister District Leader. And they’re supposed to measure your progress and give you some pointers.) The other exchanges I felt like we were just doing it because we were supposed to, but this time, with Sister Fetui (who is awesome) I really felt like she was trying help me in the best way she could. She put a lot of thought and effort into it and it really helped me. It was crazy, though. She was supposed to go on 2 exchanges in 2 days and her Sister Training Leader companion would go on the exchanges with the other two Sisters. So the plan was they would each go with one from each companionship. They had to be done this week, but her sister training leader companion got super sick, and couldn’t do any of them, so she had to do half exchanges with us, for half the day and the other for the second half of the day. And then she would have to do it with the other companionship the next day, but then Sister Robison was too sick (she was in the other companionship) so Sister Fetui didn’t get to do it the second day.

Love you all,
Sister W.

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alma 10:11

Jan 10, 2016 by tracy

I haven’t followed through on choosing a Ponderizing scripture the past few weeks, but this week I did and every time I read it, my heart filled with a cup of peace.

This verse is Amulek sharing his experiences with the prophet Alma with his community. He is trying to encourage them to listen to Alma’s message of peace and hope in Christ.

For behold, he hath blessed mine house, he hath blessed me, and my women, and my children, and my father and my kinsfolk; yea, even all my kindred hath he blessed and the blessing of the Lord hath rested upon us according to the words which he spake.

As I pondered this verse, I thought about the many blessings that have been poured out upon my family as we have followed the words of the prophets. We have been financially and spiritually blessed as we have paid tithing. We have children that love goodness and understand scripture. We have peace in our marriage. We have experienced miracles of healing as we have put our trust in the Lord. We are anxiously engaged in good causes which bring us great happiness. Truly the Lord has blessed us as we have tried to follow the teachings of the prophets, both ancient and modern. My heart wells up with gratitude just thinking about the magnitude of the care of the Lord.

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oh, the tears

Jan 9, 2016 by tracy

What a hard week. On top of the crazy-making hormone levels, my body doing some funky things (nerve pain in my face, my head feeling like there is a ball inside being inflated, dysautonomia symptoms changing every few minutes, and ribs that will not stay in place, keep poking, and make it hard to breathe), and all of us trying to adjust to our new routine (new foods for Richard and new schedules for all of us), we found new homes for our dogs this week.

I can’t really post all the details on the interwebs, but suffice it to say we have had ongoing issues with one of our neighbors and we decided the best option for our dog’s lives was to find them new families to love them. They went to wonderful homes where they will be adored. My dear friend, Heather, took Charlie and her mother-in-law took Sadie. Heather has lllooovvvveeedddd Charlie since she first met her. They have a beautiful relationship. So when she said she would take her in a heartbeat, we decided it was the best possible outcome of this situation and probably the only one we could feel good about. But it still hurts.

Our hearts are pretty raw today. When I woke up this morning, it hit me. Hard. There is not a dog running outside barking at the squirrels. There is not a dog waiting for the children to wake up and play. There is not a dog waiting for us to rub her. There is not a dog.

And the tears flow.

And the anger flares.

And my heart prays.

Come, peace, come. Salve for our souls is needed.

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easing back into life

Jan 6, 2016 by tracy

Recovering from late nights, too much junk food, and lack of commitments.

New scripture study time. (In the morning at the butt-crack of dawn. Actually long before the butt-crack of dawn since it is pitch black outside when Richard gently kisses me and shakes me awake so I can pull on my fleece sweats and slippers and plod out to the family room.)

New schedules.

New goals.

Registration for iFamily was this week and I had to break some children’s hearts because I can’t take more than 16 students in my Math Alive class and nearly 30 applied. I hate breaking hearts.

Homeschool days on the ski/snowboarding slopes is here once again and for the first time since 2008, I am trying my darndest to make it happen for my kids. Long, frustrating story there about how hard I have been trying to magically find all the gear they need for as few pennies as possible and piles of tears that poured out of me when I couldn’t find what they needed at prices we could afford. My heart and their hearts were so set on going this week, but I just couldn’t make it happen. So I fell apart, telling myself all the lies. Something akin to “for crying out loud we live right next to the mountains and have an awesome homeschool program that allows kids to ski or board for hours and hours for $10 and you KNOW this, so what is wrong with you (me) that you didn’t plan ahead and get all this stuff in the summer when it was available or look in Utah or SOMETHING else, for the love. You (once again, me!) made a stupid choice to buy a snowboard when you don’t know anything about snowboards and now you are told it is broken and you can’t find boots and it is all completely pointless.” It was a rough night of tears and irrational thought. (But I am better now, no worries needed about my overall sanity.) And Keziah went since she has her own money and a friend was able to loan her all the gear she needed, so that was super fun, even though the other kiddos were disappointed.

Starting gym again on Friday and not ready to be up on my feet again. This new flare up of my knee injury is frustrating.

Plummeting progesterone levels which equals a weepy, emotions-all-over-the-place mama.

Play practices ramping up for Miss Keziah’s play which is at the end of the month. So, we don’t see her much.

Same girly getting her driver’s license (hopefully this week!) which is exciting and wonderful and will help out a ton, but leaves me with no vehicle whenever she takes the Subaru. (Our suburban runs just fine, but it is not driveable right now because the heater core broke on the way to Swim Camp back in June. Living up here in the frozen tundra prevents anyone with even a wee bit of sanity to drive a vehicle without a heater!)

Fisher finished his math program a few ago and we are trying to figure out where to go next with him. And my brain or spirit or something must be closed off to the heavens (or more likely just really, really tired) because I just don’t know what to do.

I am trying to put together the next semester of Liberty Girls and feeling little direction from on high…which leads to low motivation on my end.

I feel like hibernating right here in my house and savoring the long, winter days with books, warm quilts, hot chocolate, and lots of calm. I don’t want to actually deal with reality and answer the phone, pay bills, run errands, organize anything, or go anywhere. So I am doing that. AND doing a bit of the other because, you know, life.

Lots of changes, so we are easing into them and trying not to cause all-out rebellion (mostly my own rebellion where I throw in the towel and head for my imaginary cabin in the hills, haha!). Yesterday we started reading Stone Fox (love that book!) for the man club Fisher is a part of, Explorer Boys, and ever so slowly started back into our normal school days. I think we will start some geometry today with him and see how it goes.

All the books for 2016 for my colloquia group have been selected and I just might get them posted here, but no guarantees since at the moment my energy level is roughly equivalent to a sloths. Tomorrow night is our first discussion of the year, which means I’ll need to shower…and turn on my brain…but then I can enjoy hearing thoughts and ideas on a great book and it will be lovely.

So this week is going to be slow and calm and full of nurturing…I need the calm. There is plenty of time for the busy later.

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week 14

Jan 4, 2016 by tracy

First time sick since she left. I’m hoping she used all the herbs and oils and vitamins I sent with her! I’m sure she is pretty self-sufficient and can take care of illness herself, but I still would like to have more information about the whole thing and give her tips on how to get her immune system up to full speed again. Once a mom, always a mom! Blythe is doing well – loving and serving and teaching – and we are so happy for her!

Well, this has been an interesting week. We got to see Lori on New Years Eve and she seems to be doing a little better. She’s been having kind of a rough time, but we took her some Martinelli’s and talked to her for a minute. We had an early curfew that night, so we had a zone activity, and that was super fun. I’d had a headache and stuffiness Wed. and Thur. but was doing OK. Fri. morning we woke up and Sister Hollenbeck was super sick and was throwing up. I felt OK, just the headache, but by about 11 I felt pretty sick with the same thing she had. We couldn’t go out, and it was frustrating to have to stay in the apartment, but we were just too sick. We had two companionships of elders come over that night so they could give us blessings.

Two really cool things happened this week. We were walking around the apartment complex in our area and were on our way to see stop by to see Joanie. We passed this apartment where this lady was outside on the porch. We’d seen her a couple days before briefly and we just said “hi.” She instantly said “Come in, come in” and we went in and talked to her for quite a while. She is from Iran and came over for a few months to see her son, who lives over here and who we actually saw several nights ago. She doesn’t speak English great, but enough. She speaks Farsi. She has a daughter with some sort of disability. She told us all about the different parts of Iran and told us about the cultures (There are a lot! I had no idea about the diversity there!) and the different languages, and about her family. Then she talked about the Christian churches they have there, and she asked if we were from the church, pointing to our tags, and we said “yes.” And she said, “I want to go to church with you, not this week, but next week.” And we said, “We would love for you to come to church and we’d love to have you there.” and then we talked for a little longer. She should be coming next Sunday! I am super excited about her. It was just so cool. We didn’t ask to come in, we didn’t invite her to church, she just said she wanted to herself.

The other thing that happened was when we were tracting. We knocked on this one door, even though it had a sales lock on the outside (but there wasn’t a sign out front), and this little Hispanic lady answers the door. She said, “You are Mormons?” and we said “yes”, and she just said, “Ohhh! I am Jehovah’s Witness! You are my sisters! And she gave us big hugs and invited us in and gave us soda. We talked for quite a while. She spoke very little English, and my Spanish is pretty sad. Sister Hollenbeck speaks a little, and we could generally get what she was saying, but I could only catch bits and pieces. We told her there are sisters who spoke much better Spanish, so we’ll refer her to them, but it was just really awesome.

Something funny that I’ve been forgetting to say is that we got a sort of referral for Justin Bieber! Francsca told us that he’s been going to really popular restaurant/bar that is up in the canyon and that he’s been driving either a red or a yellow Ferrari. We about died after that.

Anyway, love you all!
Sister W.

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narnia

Jan 1, 2016 by tracy

We started our next read-aloud for 2016 tonight. In the midst of grumpy kids who were tired from late nights, sugar-laden, and about to dddiiiiiieee from taking down the Christmas decorations, magic was created.

Back in November, God whispered to my heart that our next read-aloud was to be the entire Chronicles of Narnia series. At first, I thought, “Our children know these stories inside and out, I don’t think I should take the time to read them aloud to them. I need to use this precious time for something they haven’t been exposed to yet.” But the quiet whispering continued and I knew there was a good reason for it. My excitement at the prospect grew and all through the nights of December Christmas stories, I grew giddy inside at the thought of sharing the wonderment of Narnia with our children over the next many months.

So, tonight, with children annoying one another and complaining at each new task assigned to them in our Christmas clean-up, we started our adventure. Richard made everyone hot chocolate while we finished the last of the clean-up and we welcomed everyone to grab a mug and a blanket and sit down and listen.

Soon calmness prevailed and happiness won out over the grumps. The magic of read-aloud time to bring a family together never ceases to amaze me. I think the world could be changed dramatically if all families spent some time in the evenings enjoying a delicious book together.

At the end of the chapter, they begged, “Please read another! Please, please! Just one more!” I reminded them that just thirty minutes prior they had been saying, “We don’t want to read Narnia! We want to watch Return of the Jedi!” and they grinned and said, “Yes, but now we want you to read more!”

Cracks me up.

The power of story is real. Stories speak to the deepest parts of who we are. They inspire courage, build connection, and create a culture of shared identity. They are the best things I know of to bind a family together.

What are you reading with your family right now?

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farewell 2015

Dec 31, 2015 by tracy

Today is the last day of 2015. Wowsers, it is hard to believe this year of growth and change and pain and joy is gone. We have all learned a lot about doing hard things, giving and receiving, finding hope, enduring, and most of all, deep-down-in-your-little-toes joy.

The biggest change for our family has been Blythe leaving on her mission. She started the process of filling out papers in January, submitted them in April, received her call on May 4th to the California Irvine Mission, received her endowment in August, entered the Missionary Training Center on September 16, and arrived in California on September 29th. What an experience it is to get a missionary out the door! So much time and money and effort and heartache and happiness and precious moments all wrapped up in the same package. The two days we were able to spend with her in the temple before she left are among the most sacred and glorious of my life. I will always treasure seeing her dressed in white as she made covenants with God. And now, 3 1/2 months after she walked out our door into her new life, all I feel is peace and radiant joy. It has been a huge blessing to have my whole being wrapped up in a blanket of God’s love as my baby girl has gone out into the world to share His message of love and redemption.

We have had so many blessings this year: medical treatments and tests, working vehicles (and rescuing when vehicles broke down!), spending time with family, Annesley’s baptism, our long, bumpy driveway covered in gravel, an unexpected change in Richard’s job that gave him the hours he needed, many, many angels both on earth and in heaven who have taken care of me while I have episodes, Keziah’s job, gifts from the heart, magical days at the lake, camping in my mountains, donations to Blythe’s mission fund, and most of all, love. Heaps and heaps of love have been poured out upon us. My heart is full to bursting with the love I am surrounded with.

There is much I didn’t accomplish this year. I didn’t lose weight. I didn’t grow muscles. I didn’t keep a spotless house. I didn’t find a cure for connective tissue disorders (I mean that somewhat seriously…my brain is continually trying to solve the issue of defective collagen.) I didn’t read as many books as I normally do. I didn’t put on a big fundraising event. I didn’t clean out my closet. I cancelled my book discussion group more than half the months of the year. I didn’t write the book I wanted to. I didn’t figure out how to cook on a regular basis. I didn’t figure out how to make our budget work to save more money. I didn’t excel at personal scripture study (or family study either!). I didn’t finish my chalkboard project…or the skateboard swing project. Or stain the deck. Or clean out the garage. Or clean out under the stairs. Or finish the clothing purging project. Or burn the garbage pile. Or remodel the camper. Or defrost the freezer. Or plant a flower. Or beautify my yard in any way. I didn’t create a fabulous training program for the Primary Music Leaders of my stake like I wanted to. I didn’t make it home to my mom’s house even once. I didn’t start a business to bring in more money. I didn’t clean out Blythe’s room. I didn’t blog about Swim Camp, our GRL camping trip, Blythe’s endowment, her farewell, or hundreds of other important and wonderful things that happened. I didn’t do a lot of things.

But I did learn more about love. I did learn more about sacrifice. I did learn more about receiving and giving. I did learn more about grace. I did grow to love my Savior more. I did enjoy lots of snuggles with my children. I did deepen my relationship with my husband. I did serve and love and give my heart more fully to the people who have needed me. I have missed my friends who have moved away fiercely and have learned that love is worth the pain of loss. I have learned, more fully, that the power of God is real. I have connected more fully with my ancestors. I have learned more about forgiveness. I have chosen kindness more often than anger. I have chosen to feel more and build walls less. Somehow, through the grace of God, I have made peace with my body and its challenges. We did spend many days kayaking at the lake. We did have lots of family game nights. We did read beautiful books together. We did spend seventeen days in the mountains. We did float the river in Island Park. We did attend our family reunion at our favorite location. We did have family pictures taken. We did get our daughter on a mission. We did throw a fabulous ice cream fest at our home before she left. We did pray together. We did laugh and we did cry. We lived, in spite of injuries and episodes and pain and heartache, we chose to live. With hope and faith, we lived. What an amazing year!

God has given me thousands of opportunities to learn needed character lessons and while I am certain He has much more to teach me and I have much more to learn, I am grateful for the lessons I have been given and received this year. I failed many times and I hope I learned from the failures to love and give and serve just as much as from the successes. There have been many days of sorrow and loneliness and hopelessness and fear and despair and He has been here with me, teaching me, comforting me, and helping me to choose love over all else.

There is a lot of pain and heartache in this world. Right now, among many of my dear friends and family, there is gut-wrenching, soul-splitting pain. I cannot solve the myriad of challenges they are facing. I have no magic wand to end the suffering being experienced by those I love. But I can take them into my heart and pray and listen and serve and lift. I am reading For The Love by Jen Hatmaker and it is a balm to my soul. In the introduction, she shares her mission. I wish I had written it, for it is my mission as well.

After a friend of hers asks her child what she does for a living and the child doesn’t really have a good answer and says, “Yeah, but she doesn’t have a job where knows about something. Jen decides to write down exactly what it is she spends her life doing.

Besides being obviously esteemed in my own home, maybe I ought to clarify what exactly I specialize in, since is appears very, very unclear to my own child. Certain foks love numbers and columns and reconciled accounts. (I barely even know what this means.) Some of my good friends love organizing and administrating; they are weirdly good at it. I have family members who excel at web design and creative technology and others who are craftsman and builders. Educators, chefs, sports medicine specialists, realtors; all people people in my circle who obviously know about something.

A little closer to my space, some of my girlfriends are true theologians and love the ins and outs of sticky hermeneutics. Others are preachers with fire in their bellies. Some are academics working on graduate degrees in God. Some are social entrepreneurs doing great good with their companies and organizations. Still others give their lives to justice in hard places. This is how they are gifted and this is what they love.

I love people.

It’s what I know.

God has always made the most sense to me through people, His image bearers. I crave dignity and healing and purpose and freedom for me and mine, you and yours, them and theirs. I want us to live well and love well. The substance of life isn’t stuff or success or work or accomplishments or possessions. It really isn’t, although we devote enormous energy to those goals. The fullest parts of my life, the best memories, the most satisfying pieces of my story have always involved people. Conversely, nothing hurts worse or steals more joy than broken relationships. We can heal and hurt each other, and we do.

I’m hoping to help lead a tribe that does more healing and less hurting.

I consider that my job.

Oh my, isn’t that breathtakingly beautiful? I love her words and my goal for 2016 is to more fully live them – to heal more and hurt less.

We can do this. Will you join me?

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week 13 – first christmas without her

Dec 28, 2015 by tracy

Seeing our daughter over FaceTime on Christmas Day was amazing! It was so, so good to see her bright, shining face and to see her healthy and happy and glowing. She sounded wonderful. We were able to talk for about 90 minutes and she shared her testimony of the Savior and of missionary work with us. We were able to have family prayer together and we all cried a bit. My heart rejoiced at how much love she has for sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ. She has always loved Jesus, but her love for Him has grown as has her love for the people around her. It is a beautiful thing to be a part of. Ahhh, I love this girl of mine.

Christmas was wonderful. We had a ton of contacts this week, more than we’ve ever gotten I think, with everyone coming in to town and visiting and going to the park with their families. It’s been great just to see so many people actually outside!

We saw Francesca again on Christmas Eve and it was probably the most wonderful visit I’ve had on my mission yet. She is so open about God and loves Him. She talks about Him like a friend. She says some funny things, like “blessings be upon you” and “protection be with these people.” She is very passionate in her belief in God and has a ton of faith. She talks about miracles all the time. We just love her.

Christmas is really a wonderful missionary tool. It’s been great in the work because of the people it has put in our way. My testimony of the Savior has been strengthened this season with the assurance that He came for us and knows exactly what we personally need at this very moment and I’ve had a lot of opportunities to share that belief with others.

My Ponderizing scripture this week is D&C 121:7-9. I also read a wonderful chapter about missionary work this morning in Alma 26.

Love you all and Merry after Christmas!
Sister W.

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week 12

Dec 22, 2015 by tracy

Our missionary is doing well. She had transfers last week and was assigned to stay in her same area, but received a new companion. She loved her last companion so very much and now she gets to learn how to love a new one just as much. Missionaries are allowed to call home twice a year on their missions – Christmas and Mother’s Day – so we will get to hear her voice on Friday! Wahoo! We are hoping to be able to Skype with her and actually get to see her face. It is really, really strange to have her gone at Christmas, but even with the emptiness, my heart is still so happy she is on a mission serving the God she loves.

So you remember Sister Hollenbeck from the MTC? Like the one who came out with me? She’s my new companion and we’re totally new and green together. It’s been a very tough adjustment. It’s hard leaving a powerhouse team. Sister Shumway and I worked extremely well together and our strengths made up for each others weaknesses and that was such a blessing. But I’ve had some very clear reminders that God doesn’t give us impossible tasks. I think we’ll learn to work together well, but it will take some getting used to.

We’ve had some success in the last few days. We tracted into this wonderful lady named Francesca. Apparently she is some sort of humanitarian mission pastor. We talked to her for a good 20 minutes and Sister Hollenbeck shared Alma 7:11, and Francesca loved it. She took the Book of Mormon and invited us back for dinner. She is super friendly and very thoughtful and kind. The funny thing was she was at the top of this one very long, steep driveway, a 10th of a mile back from the road, and we couldn’t even see if there was a house up there. We were just like “We’ve got to get up there and see” and it turned out to be great!

Our Christmas messages are going very well. There’s a lot of great opportunities to share meaningful messages about why we celebrate and what we can give to Jesus. It’s been wonderful, even if it puts several people on hold who will be out of town and traveling, including Inci. She’s going back to Turkey for a month, but will be back before the end of the transfer.

My ponderizing scripture this week is Ether 12:27 “If men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I show unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Love you all, and hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
Sister W.

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back into the knee brace

Dec 20, 2015 by tracy

Soooo, I am back in my knee brace. I don’t know what I did to reinjure my knee, but it is pretty darn sore. It got hurt a little bit and became more unstable back on October 30 when I faceplanted on my front cement and tore the cartilage in my wrist, but it didn’t really hurt tons just a little bit. So we have been taping it to give it some suppport, but it wasn’t bothering me a whole lot and I wasn’t worried about it.

Then on December 10th I held our Closing Social for my Liberty Girls group and something, though I have no idea what, happened. As I was straightening up the house that morning, a sharp, take my breath away pain began to shoot through my knee. It felt like a serrated edge of a glass crowbar was prying my patella off. Oh my goodness, the pain. It took everything I had to get through the Liberty Girls tea party and then I laid down for the rest of the day trying to rest it.

The next day, I was told it looked like the meniscus was torn. A few days later when I saw Jeremy he said the meniscus had a new tear and the LCL was retorn as well and I needed to go back into my knee brace that I wore from December to the end of June. We talked about surgery and he said (once again!) that I am not a good candidate for surgical repair because it will just happen again and again due to my hypermobility. He explained how the menisci work and that in a normal person, they sit in between the tibia and femur helping them fit together and providing cushioning between the two bones. They generally move 6-12 mm during various movements. Instead of moving this small amount, Jeremy says my menisci are bobsledding within my knee joint, sliding all over the place and often getting trapped in places they shouldn’t be and subsequently being torn. So, unless we can fix the hypermobility, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to surgically repair it.

His explanation makes sense and I am super duper grateful for his honest and thorough assessments. But, boy howdy, it is hard to hear that the last resort of surgery isn’t a last resort at all. It is no resort at all as it isn’t an option. The options are to live with it or to figure out a way to have Prolozone injections to try to tighten up the ligaments and heal the cartilage like I did with my hip. Unfortunately, my nervous system is so hypersensitive now, there is a pretty big question as to whether my body can handle the injections.

My body didn’t like any of the nine series of Prolozone injections I received back in 2012. It became more and more sensitive to the ingredients until my nervous system was so damaged that at the final injection in January 2013, I collapsed in the office and began walking the road of passing out/seizures/autonomic dysfunction which is probably my biggest challenge now as eating and breathing challenges, temperature control, vomiting, shaking and passing out are such a pain to deal with. So even though the injections worked by helping the labrum heal and bring more stability to my hip, I am left damaged in other ways. Part of me thinks the risk is worth it and part of me is terrified at the very thought of trying the injections again.

Back in April, I received a stem cell injection in my knee and it made an immediate, dramatic improvement. We did it without any of the local anesthetics my body has so many problems with (hurt like CRAZY!) and only injected my own cells, spun and separated, back into me. That was at a specialty clinic in Mexico and if I could do that again, I absolutely would, but at this time it isn’t really an option. If I could find someone in my area that would do stem cell injections that would be lovely, but as far as I know, there isn’t. Plus the cost of stem cell stuff is exorbitant in the U.S. and fairly cheap in Mexico, so I don’t even know if I did find someone in the Rocky Mountain area if we could afford it. I’m not really sure of exact prices, but I was told the same injections I had in Mexico that cost about $100 would be $2000 here in the States, ARGH.

On top of the knee issues, my wrist is in a brace, my arm aches due to both the wrist injury and some entrapped nerves which are causing all sorts of pain and electrical activity. It is called Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and I am hoping all the nerve gliding work Jeremy is doing will fix it quickly. Also, I am having lots of episodes…this week, Tuesday and Wednesday had full episodes and Saturday night and Sunday during church I had some shaking, so we really need to be focused on figuring out how to calm down my nervous system so I can stop having episodes. That most likely means meeting with Dr. Fraser Henderson in Maryland so we can figure out if my brain stem is being compressed and causing all the crazy nervous system dysfunction or not, but in order to schedule an appointment I have to submit a geneticist’s report and the current wait on a genetics appointment at the University of Utah is 14 months…soooo, it is all up in the air and I don’t really know what is the right path to pursue.

In spite of all this, I am doing well. I am spiritually and emotionally in good places. We are having a lovely Christmas season with lots of reading of Christmas books and snuggles in our Christmas quilts from last year. We are trying to spread joy in little ways and not spending lots of time out and about as my knee and the rest of me just can’t take it. Each night we share a story from Jesus’s life, read one of our Christmas books aloud and then listen to about fifteen minutes of The Christmas Carol (if you want it on audio, this version is fantastic!). So, I am not posting this because anything is really wrong or because I am ready to throw in the towel, just as an update and a record so I can remember how I was doing in December 2015, haha!

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week 11

Dec 14, 2015 by tracy

Week 11 in California is a wrap. This Wednesday, the 16th, marks exactly 3 months since we dropped her off at the MTC, which also means she has completed 1/6 of her mission. That is feeling like a big deal this morning. This past week they had a Mission Christmas Party and posted lots of photos and videos. It is so fun to see her! If you want to mail her anything for Christmas, do it this week! I am hoping to get my package of Jamba gift cards for her and her companion in the mail today.

Her zone all together at the Christmas Party.

Blythe and her companion, Sister Shumway, are together on the left. I see Sister Smith with the plaid shirt, she roomed with her at the MTC, but I don’t know the other Sisters.

Some sort of Rudolph Nose competition?

Found this in her Dropbox account – What the cow is that? Some sort of ear shaped cookie? Candy?

Another Dropbox find…is she asleep from exhaustion or hugging the computer with great love and gratitude because she gets to email us?

So, we got transfer calls on Saturday, and Sister Shumway is being transferred. :( Very sad, but I’m sure it’s for the best. I will miss her. We’ve become such good friends. I’m not with my new comp yet and won’t be till tomorrow afternoon or night and Sister Shumway doesn’t know where she’s going. We go to the transfer meeting and they announce everybody’s changes, new comp, area, designated driver, and everyone switches around, and crazy stuff happens, and we leave. Pretty awesome! :)

This week has been great. Inci gave us Turkish Delight. Yes, the real thing! I wasn’t even sure if it was real, but it is. She also came to Follow the Star, which is a live nativity, with real animals and actors, and it’s really great. They’ve had some wonderful stories over the years.

She also brought her son Cevik (chevik). She speaks Turkish, German and English and here’s why that’s important now: Emily, a Laurel who did a study abroad for language and speaks Turkish, has become great friends with Inci. We introduced them earlier this week. When they came to Follow the Star she met the rest of Emily’s family and they were talking and amazingly her mom speaks German! We were just blown away! We’re like “Hmm, who should be her friends, I wonder…” Inci is here for only a year from halfway around the world, Emily speaks Turkish, her mom speaks German, the way we found her is pretty crazy anyway, etc. There is no way that is a coincidence.

We also finally saw an investigator we’ve been trying to teach since even before I got here. He went to Follow The Star and supposedly he went to seminary with his friend this morning (he’s 18).

There’s another teenager who is friends with a girl in the ward, who basically has no religion. She came (her name is Ana) with her friend and is willing to hear more. She’s super cool and her friend is planning on giving her a book of Mormon to read on her flight she’ll be taking for Christmas.

At Follow The Star last night we met Elder Clayton, the one who spoke in the Christmas broadcast. He’s one of the seventy, so that was pretty awesome.

There was a lady there with her friend (who is a member) who we’ve been doing community service with and she brought her daughter. They are both really great and we hope to teach them.

Basically, this week has been full of work and the Lord’s help. There is so much good going on.

Love to all!
Sister W.

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read to me

Dec 9, 2015 by tracy

Me: I need to work on the computer for awhile, why don’t you listen to this audio-book from the library.

F: Mom, it’s SO MUCH better when you read the book.

Me: Really, better than a professional narrator?

F: YES. I want you to read all the books.

I can’t even tell you how much this warms my heart! My eleven-year-old boy still loves to snuggle up on the couch under a blanket and have me read to him for hours and hours – I hope it never ends.

Oh, how good it is to be so adored by your children. If only my face and voice could keep up with their insatiable desire to be read to!

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2 peter 1:2-9

Dec 8, 2015 by tracy

This has long been one of my favorite scriptures…at least the verse about adding virtue to faith and knowledge to virtue. It is on the painting that hangs at the bottom of my stairs on the way into our school room. It is a daily reminder to me that faith must come first, then virtue, THEN knowledge. I grew up valuing knowledge above all else and my mind still craves information like an addict, so daily pondering the correct position of faith and virtue helps keep me grounded.

Last week I found this scripture when I was searching for verses about the promises of God and was pleasantly surprised when it was my same faith, virtue, knowledge scripture. I know God keeps His promises and I want to fill my heart and mind up with a whole pile of promise keeping scriptures that I can turn to at any moment I or a friend needs them.

Grace and peace multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord,

According as His divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him that hath called us to glory and virtue:

Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virute; and to virtue knowledge;

And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;

And to godliness brotherly kindenss; and to brotherly kindness charity.
For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.

Becoming a partaker of the divine nature is such a beautiful thought to me…and He has promised that we can…that we will! My heart leaps with joy at the thought of being transformed by His grace into someone with faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance (yes, even someone with temperance!), patience (can it be, that I could be patient?), godliness, brother kindness, and charity. I have no doubt that God is good enough and powerful enough to change me. I know He will do what He says He will do.

I love, love, LOVE Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. That book transformed my life. In the chapter “Counting the Cost” this idea is laid out powerfully.

I find a good many people have been bothered by what I said in the last chapter about Our Lord’s words, “Be ye perfect.” Some people seem to think this means “Unless you are perfect, I will not help you”; and as we cannot be perfect, then, if He meant that, our position is hopeless. But I do not think He did mean that. I think He meant “The only help I will give is help to become perfect. You may want something less: but I will give you nothing less.”

Let me explain. When I was a child I often had toothache, and I knew that if I went to my mother she would give me something which would deaden the pain for that night and let me get to sleep. But I did not go to my mother—at least, not till the pain became very bad. And the reason I did not go was this. I did not doubt she would give me the aspirin; but I knew she would also do something else.

I knew she would take me to the dentist next morning. I could not get what I wanted out of her without getting something more, which I did not want. I wanted immediate relief from pain: but I could not get it without having my teeth set permanently right. And I knew those dentists; I knew they started fiddling about with all sorts of other teeth which had not yet begun to ache. They would not let sleeping dogs lie; if you gave them an inch they took an ell.

Now, if I may put it that way, Our Lord is like the dentists. If you give Him an inch, He will take an ell. Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of (like masturbation or physical cowardice) or which is obviously spoiling daily life (like bad temper or drunkenness). Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment.

That is why He warned people to “count the cost” before becoming Christians. “Make no mistake,” He says, “if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away.

But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect—until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.”

And yet—this is the other and equally important side of it— this Helper who will, in the long run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to do the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby’s first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, “God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.”

The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God’s demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realise from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, ca prevent Him from taking you to that goal.

That is what you are in for. And it is very important to realise that. If we do not, then we are very likely to start pulling back and resisting Him after a certain point. I think that many of us, when Christ has enabled us to overcome one or two sins that were an obvious nuisance, are inclined to feel (though we do not out it into words) that we are now good enough. He has done all we wanted Him to do, and we should be obliged if He would now leave us alone. As we say “I never expected to be a saint, I only wanted to be a decent ordinary chap.” And we imagine when we say this that we are being humble.

But this is the fatal mistake. Of course we never wanted, and never asked, to be made into the sort of creatures He is going to make us into. But the question is not what we intended ourselves to be, but what He intended us to be when He made us. He is the inventor, we are only the machine. He is the painter, we are only the picture. How should we know what He means us to be like? You see, He has already made us something very different from what we were. Long ago, before we were born, when we were inside our mothers’ bodies, we passed through various stages.

Oh, how I love this! God’s whole purpose is to bring us back to Him as beings like Him. He will not do anything else. He will not work for any other goal or be deterred from this goal. His promises are sure and I can trust that as He is working in my life, it if for my happiness, my development, my overall good.

Oh, how I love the Lord Jesus!

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week 10

Dec 7, 2015 by tracy

It felt so empty without her here for Annesley’s baptism on Saturday, a good empty, but boy, howdy, it sure felt like one of us is missing! This Saturday she will find out if she will get transferred to a new area and/or to a new companionship. Our most recent package arrived and she now has fingernail polish, some love notes from Annesley, and some beautiful music to listen to…hurrah for fast shipping times in the U.S.A.! She asked again for her violin. Does anyone know anyone driving to Southern California?

Well, this week has gone by in a rush. We’ve had a ton of service opportunities, more than ever before. Friday was the ward Christmas party and it was Who-ville style. Lots of the little girls had Who hairdos and it was super cute. That night Sister Shumway was asked to play the piano for Elder Forthman, “Where Are You Christmas?” for the program, then at about 8:30 play at a convert baptism going on in the same building. She got the music that morning and we spent a great part of that day, and several others during the week rushing from meeting to meeting, to music study for missionaries, to service opportunities. It has been very full.

In the midst of that we taught Inci again,and next time we go over we’re hoping to bring one of the young women, Emily, who miraculously speaks Turkish. We’re really excited about that.

Yesterday was also very full. Joanie came to church with her daughter Kristen, Elder Everette’s mom, who he baptized since he’s been out on his mission. She bore a very sweet testimony and the whole testimony meeting was wonderful for which we were very grateful. Joanie liked it a lot and I think she did feel the spirit. They stayed all three hours and Kristen bore a sweet testimony to us about how it has been Elder Everette’s calling to bring them to the church. (If you’ve forgotten, he was adopted and grew up in an LDS family. He was baptized a year before he left on his mission and is a fabulous missionary.) Another thing with him – last night we got to call him to tell him that Joanie came to church with his mom and he was so excited. He also told us that he has found his dad. He was transferred in to Dana Pointe, where his dad lives, and they found him, and taught him, and showed him the new Christmas video. It is so wonderful to be able to be part of this, having his family be brought to the gospel.

If you haven’t already seen it, which you probably have, the #ASaviorIsBorn video is amazing. We use it a lot.

Love you all!
Sister W

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thankful for

Dec 2, 2015 by tracy

The past few weeks have been full of a lot of introspection. I have spent a lot of time thinking about gratitude and even though Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, I still need to take some time to ponder and write down my list of gratitude.

• My Heavenly Father and Mother
• Jesus the Christ
• Richard
• Our children
• The scriptures
• My mom
• My dad
• My siblings
• My grandma & grandpa
• Oodles of cousins, aunts, and uncles
• My dear, dear friends, oh, my goodness, I am blessed with amazing friends
• A safe home
• Trees
• Sunshine
• Clean water to drink
• Water to play in
• Water to relax by
• Days at the lake
• Food to eat
• Ovens
• Stoves
• Fire
• Sleeping bags
• Snuggly quilts
• Fleece
• Wool socks
• Comfortable shoes that protect feet from elements and owies
• Mittens and gloves
• Warm hats
• Blue skies
• Gentle breezes
• Hammocks
• Read-alouds with our children
• Audio books
• Amazing mentors that bless the lives of our family by sharing their passions and loving our children
• Our homeschooling community
• Gymnastics
• Libraries
• Books, glorious books
• Book discussions
• Communication in all its many forms – the spoken word, the written word, email, letters, phone calls, the look in someone’s eye, social media, hugs, tears, the sharing of the soul – I am so grateful I can connect with so many people and share not only information, but also our hearts
• Music
• Braces and tape to hold me together
• Bone, Flesh, and Cartilage ointment
• Essential oils
• Herbs
• Grapefruit Seed Extract
• Onions, carrots, celery, garlic – use them all the time in my cooking and cannot imagine food without them
• Ice cream
• Chocolove Dark Chocolate and Sea Salt bars – totally delish
• My bed
• Ice packs and rice packs
• Swim camp
• Family reunions
• Swings
• Swimming pools
• Working vehicles
• Mountains
• Kayaking
• Angels
• Priesthood blessings
• Pumpkin pie
• Toilets
• Running water
• Snow shovels
• A flat driveway
• Contacts
• Glasses
• Covenants
• Washing machine & dryer
• Refrigerators & freezers
• Vacuums
• Mechanical pencils
• Staedtler pens
• Photographs
• My grandma’s aprons
• Erasers
• Water bottles
• Magic erasers
• Doors to keep the cold out
• My church
• My community
• Goodness
• Kindness
• Generosity
• Big dreams
• Passion
• Courage
• Sacrifice
• Freedom
• Determination
• Love, most of all, love

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3 nephi 29:6

Dec 1, 2015 by tracy

In my topical guide search for scriptures on healing, I came across this gem in 3 Nephi 29:6.

Yea, wo unto him that shall deny the revelations of the Lord, and that shall say the Lord no longer worketh by revelation, or by prophecy, or by gifts, or by tongues, or by healings, or by the power of the Holy Ghost!

The God I believe in loves His children and is working among them as He always has, speaking to our hearts with the Holy Ghost, revealing truth, blessing us with healing, and so much more. Some may not believe those things are happening, but I see them on a regular basis in my life.

Last week I was given a (one of many I have received) priesthood blessing after an episode at church and the words spoken were so precious to my heart. I know Richard would never have said the words he uttered. They were straight from my Heavenly Father. I may or may not be healed from this connective tissue disorder in this life, but I know, without any doubt, that God is with me.

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week 9 – pics galore!

Nov 30, 2015 by tracy

First major holiday away from us…and it is good, really, really good to think about our girly going out into the world and spreading joy and love on Thanksgiving day. She sounds so happy and fulfilled and THAT makes my heart explode with joy. Seriously, this missionary mama thing is the best! Super exciting this week is that she set up a Dropbox account and sent us a ton of pictures!

She is in a beautiful area!

Giant oranges…yummy!

Glad to see her desk is a bit cleaner than her one here at home.

How sweet are these notes? A member must have left them some treats with a note of thanks for their hard work.

She got to go to the temple with a girl in her mission who is about to leave on her own mission.

Blythe and her companion, Sister Shumway, at the temple.

Love this Star of David Seal of Melchizedek on the Newport Beach Temple!

And here is her letter:

The time is going way too fast. I can’t believe I’m almost 3 months in. I feel like I just got here, at the same time feeling like I’ve always been here.

This week has been amazing! In 5 days we picked up 6 new investigators, which, especially for this mission, is nothing short of miraculous. Several of them are families and we’re always shooting for that. We have a huge list of people to work with and we’re kept busy. We have been very blessed lately with people to work with.

Thanksgiving was really good. Bishop Owens’ family (his daughter lives in the ward) always go down to the Marine Base and have two Marines come spend Thanksgiving with them, which I may have already mentioned. So he really likes the missionaries to come over for a while and talk with them. It was an interesting experience for me, being our same age but with the military haircuts and talking about drills and stuff. They were pretty cool though and we stayed over there for a while. Their names were Josh and Chris. It was a new experience getting to know them.

We also went to Raquel’s. She’s Filipino and her whole family was there. She has 9 siblings, I think, though maybe a few more, and her parents were there, and all her siblings’ children and all her children. And they were all similar ages, since her younger siblings overlap with some of the older siblings’ kids. They span from 33ish to 10, but it’s really hard to tell how old they really are. Her mom still looks pretty young. They introduced all the kids at the same time, and whose child they were and it was just fun and a little crazy. They have a really fun family. I really enjoyed it! Kenny, (Raquel’s brother) has a really good voice, and his whole family just loves hearing him sing, so after some friendly pressuring he sang for us. He sang “I Stand All Amazed” and an upbeat song that I didn’t recognize (big surprise). He was super good and that visit was just really fun. They also had this Filipino dish called cevici or something – shrimp and fish in something like salsa. It was yummy.

Since we couldn’t go visit many people since they were having family time, we also went through our whole list and left little notes for them and a couple people have replied to us about those. A bunch of people in the ward just got mission calls. One of the Mauss girls is going to South America, there’s another girl who’s up at school, and a guy is going to Japan. They’re all just dying with excitement, so that was fun for us. I got to go to Hollie Mauss’ endowment since they invited us and we’ve been working with her. She helps us a lot with missionary work, so we got permission to go.

This week should be really great. We have a lot to invite people to as they start all this Christmas stuff.

Love you!!!!!
Sister W.

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annes is 8!

Nov 28, 2015 by tracy

Miss Annesley is 8! This spunky, courageous, full-of-life girl turned eight on Thanksgiving Day. It doesn’t seem possible that it has been eight years since I gave birth to her in our birth pool in our bathroom. What a glorious birth it was!

Now she is a grown-up little girl – she is quite the pancake and waffle maker and she has recently learned how to make omelets all by herself. Her face is changing and looking older, the baby cheeks are gone, and her body is getting long and lanky (at least lanky for our house of short people!). Thank goodness she still likes snuggling with her papa and she still comes in to my bed every morning for a back rub and quiet morning conversation between just the two of us.

Right now her favorite books are Little House on the Prairie, Understood Betsy, and The Wingfeather Saga. She loves to listen to Adventures in Odyssey as she goes to sleep at night. Her favorite hymns are “Come, Come Ye Saints” and “Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing” and her favorite Primary songs are “Book of Mormon Stories, “Holding Hands Around The World”, and “I Like To Look For Rainbows.” Her favorite foods are pizza, pasta, peaches, avocados, carrots, celery, and smoothies. She says her favorite things to do are cooking, playing with Charlie, ice skating, sledding, playing the violin, piano, and recorder, math, and having fun.

Her birthday book this year is In My Heart: A Book of Feelings which is a delightful book about different feelings we have…joy, fear, anger, sadness, bravery, happiness, thankfulness…and how they impact our lives. It normalizes the experience of having feelings and I am hoping will help Annesley as she navigates her way through some pretty big feelings.

She got her very own CD player! We are pretty big audio book fans and she has been dreaming of having her own for a long time so she doesn’t have to beg, borrow (and not steal!) from her siblings for some CD time. This is the same Sony CD/Cassette with Aux-In we gave Fisher last year for his birthday. It has held up flawlessly for the past year so we decided having another one in the home was a great idea for family peace. During the afternoons, they both like to do art projects or build Legos while they are listening to a story…but they often want different stories or want to be in different parts of the house…so having one for each of them is a fantastic idea.

When our children turn eight, they are given a knife…IF they have proven themselves to be trustworthy and we believe they will not cause harm or threaten harm with it. It is a pretty big deal around here. As the youngest, Annesley has known getting a knife was a possibility, but not a guarantee, because she remembers when Fisher got his knife and she has heard all the stories of how Keziah did NOT get hers at the age of eight. She also knows she can have it taken away if she is mean, threatening, or does not take care of it.

Grandma Dorothy gave her her two favorite movies, Dolphin Tale 1 and 2. Such delight! She spun and shrieked with joy. Definitely the winner of the present adoration.

After all the Thanksgiving meal preps, eating, cleaning up, and obligatory napping, she decided sledding with her Papa was exactly what she wanted to celebrate her birthday. Fisher ended up joining them for some jaunts down the little hill at the end of our driveway.

Later that night after all the food had digested and we had room in our bellies for more deliciousness we had her birthday cake designed by her with Moosetracks and Chocolate ice cream, Chocolate Oreos smashed on the bottom and making a big 8 on top.

Grandma Dorothy, my brother Scott, Kez, Fisher, Papa, and Miss Annes.

I am so grateful for this girly. She has given me so many gifts and helped me see the world in new ways. Her pregnancy and birth were powerful demonstrations of the miracles of God and how He can heal our bodies even when it is deemed impossible. Her birth helped heal my heart and showed me I was stronger than I knew. Annesley lives life with zest…she is so much like me and loving her has helped me fall in love with my little girl self. Here are some of her adventures from the past year.

Tea party with her friend, Olivia.

Vacuum packing 120 pounds of chicken. She insisted on being the one to pick up the chicken and put it in each bag. That is the most disgusting part of the job so we happily let her take that job.

Making butter at Liberty Girls. These girls are so much fun!

Picking Honeycrisp Apples…yummy!

Saying goodbye to Blythe.

Driving away from the MTC with some big tears.

Heap of cuteness before our “real” family photo shoot.

And our “real” family photos.

Hiking with her siblings and Grandpa Barry and Cherie.

Heading out on her 8-year-old hike. Back when Blythe and Andie were turning 8, we started a tradition of Richard taking the almost 8 year old on an overnight backpacking adventure. Since our children turn 8 in August, September, and beginning of October, it seemed like a good plan. Annesley’s birthday at the end of October means she was our youngest hiker when she went on her hike back in August, but she was a trooper and hiked the whole way.

Swinging on the rope swing at Green River Lakes with Teryn.

Camping for 17 days at Green River Lakes…this is the life!

With her 3rd cousin, Jared, bug lovers and dear friends.

At the Splash Park.

Swimming with Olivia

One of our last days at the lake before the cold weather set in.

Learning about different cultures through dance.

Making Fried Rice with her protective goggles from the onion fumes…cracks me up!

Swim Camp adventures and saying goodbye to her dear friend, Paige, before she moved to Connecticut.

Searching for frogs at our family reunion in Wyoming.

Playing soccer at Paula’s and Cameron’s neighborhood soccer league.

Going to The Little Mermaid play at Hale Centre Theatre…she LOVED it!

Playing with one her dearest friends who moved away…yippee for visits!

Snake joy.

Climbing trees in our backyard. She loves climbing all the way to the top and hanging out there with her thoughts.

One of her many clay creations.

Waiting for her dentist appointment…love this picture of her and her cute little braids.

Reading Little House on the Prairie with her Mama. We need to finish the rest of the series!

Happy Birthday Annesley Aliyah…may you know how much we love you and how much God loves you.

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