coronado and calzada = healing

Jan 13, 2024 by tracy

Today I had a moment.

A few moments.

Of tears.

And breathing it all in.

Nine years ago, in January 2015, I went to Dr. Calzada’s for the first time. On that trip, Connie took me to Coronado Island and carried me across the sand to the beach so I could put my feet in the ocean. Even though I couldn’t walk and even though no one could push that giant wheelchair through the sand, she was determined to get me to the water and, with her super strong muscles, she did!

Today I was able to go back there and stand on the exact spot that my gurney wheelchair was sitting on that long ago January evening. Today I was able to walk across the sand and stand in the ocean for over an hour. Today I was able to hold my sweetheart’s hand and belt out all seven verses of “How Firm a Foundation” and declare with a heart full of gratitude that God has carried us through these years and will continue to carry us.

Nine years of miracles.

Oh, my heart. It’s more than I can describe in words, but I hope those of you who have walked this journey with me will be able to imagine that moment standing on the boardwalk in front of Mr. Sandman’s sandcastle creation and feel a bit of my gratitude – to God, to Dr. Calzada and his team, and to all of you. What a ride it has been!

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two weeks of walking

Feb 10, 2023 by tracy

I’ve been walking full-time for about 2 weeks now…minus the 4 days I spent in a wheelchair after I fell and rolled the other ankle on the 27th. Last week I was having these kinds of thoughts.

“I’m walking!”

“I’m actually doing this!”

“Wow, this is amazing!”

But this week a shift has been happening and these are the thoughts I’m having.

“I’m a walking person!”

And I realized that last week I had been viewing myself as a disabled person who was able to walk in that moment. Much different than the thoughts this week!

In case you are wondering…this whole new walking with my own two feet thing is a learning curve. It’s easy for me to overdo. And I totally overdid today at gymnastics, which meant tonight I was resting this foot and helping it recover. Also, the nerves are still learning how to do all the things and today I almost tripped again…over another step! This time I was stepping up and my foot didn’t quite clear it and I almost crashed again. But I was able to catch myself and no injuries happened. Sooooo, I’m really working on paying attention to my body and my surroundings….neither of which are easy for me.

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loose-goosey ankles

Jan 27, 2023 by tracy

I screamed “NOOOOOOOOO” on the way down.

Today I fell. Rolled my OTHER ankle and face-planted into the lobby at gym.

I think I’ll be okay. But right now I’m hurting. It’s been over 6 hours since I fell and I’m not crying anymore. I really do think it will be okay in a few days. But man alive, the fear that has seeped into my heart is pretty big. Fear of another injury. Fear of having another year like the year I just had. Fear of the pain. Fear of disappointing my family.

I’m super grateful for my gym teachers and families who took great care of me today and made me snow packs for ice and loved on me and got me home safe and sound.

I’m going to try super hard to go to Annesley’s play tonight, but it looks like it will be in my wheelchair.

Could you pray for healing? I’d so appreciate it.

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cliff devries

Jan 25, 2022 by tracy

Oh, my goodness, this man, Cliff Devries, continues to inspire me. I’ve shared videos of him before, but this is the best one yet. Give yourself a gift and watch this year’s birthday dive and really listen to his words, especially at the end.

He became paralyzed 24 years ago during his brain stem/spinal cord tumor removal surgery…which totally hits home in our lives. This year’s video shows the swimmers pulling him up from the bottom of the pool and as I watched them I cried. I’m still crying typing this.

For long years, from 2012 – 2017ish or so, I was a lot like Cliff. I wasn’t paralyzed, but I was injured and had dysautonomia so badly that I couldn’t be alone and I couldn’t do much of anything for myself. I had big hopes and dreams (I always do!), but had no ability for my body to do them. Instead, I had friends who helped make my hopes and dreams come true. They carried me and pushed me and lifted me. Sometimes they fed me and bathed me. Someone always had to transport me to get me from point A to point B. Always, someone was my lifeguard. If these amazing people hadn’t been willing to be my arms and legs, I would have been stuck at home, which literally would have felt like death to me. I’m so grateful for the heroes in my life and in Cliff’s that allow us to live our dreams even when our bodies can’t do it on our own.

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january 8

Jan 8, 2022 by tracy

January 8, 2020 is the day Richard was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

It’s been two years since that hard, heavy day and today he went fishing on the Snake with Fisher and caught six fish! What a way to celebrate! He said wading in the very shallow water felt okay to his brain and didn’t tire his brain out as much as it did this past summer. He continues to make progress and we are so grateful!

We were also able to spend some time in the temple thanking God for His power and grace and tender care. I was a bit frazzled when I got there because of some challenges with my trip tomorrow, but eventually I was able to calm down and feel the sweet spirit and breathe in God’s love for me.

January 8th has been a big day for our family several times.

January 8, 2013 was my first seizure – these seizures changed my life dramatically because I was no longer able to be alone or take care of my children by myself. I always needed someone to be with me, to drive me places, and to be ready to help me if I collapsed.

January 8, 2018 was the day I found out I would start receiving human stem cells and received a powerful, beautiful message from God about our babies. GLORY, GLORY, HALLELUJAH! These cells also changed my life dramatically. Within three weeks after receiving them, my nervous system was soooooo much calmer. And the seizures mostly stopped. From 2013-2017, I had thousands of episodes. Since I started human cells, I have had 22! Next week I get to receive more of these amazing treatments that do so much good for my body. Sweet tears of joy as I type these words because my entire being is so grateful for the blessing these cells have been for me and my family. Those that have given me this gift can never be thanked enough.

I never know how I’m going to feel on January 8. It is a hard day…and also a beautiful day. Tonight I’m releasing the hard and just soaking in the miracles.

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