annesleyisms on a friday afternoon
I got a disappointing phone call today at the end of gym from the doctor’s office I have been waiting to hear from all week. They told me it would be at least five months before I could have surgery with them. Five stinkin’ months…uuuugggghhhh. I held it together till I got home. Then I laid down on my bed and started a Sudoku puzzle hoping to distract myself from the pain in my hip and the despair in my heart. Unfortunately, the puzzle was not as effective as I was hoping and I started sobbing. Gut-wrenching, can’t-get-my-breath sobs. I could not stop crying. I was full of hopelessness, full of discouragement, full of confusion and questioning and pain. Full to the brim with overwhelmedness (I think that should be a word, so I am using it…it is the state of being overwhelmed) and my seeming inability to receive answers from God.
I cried and cried and cried. Then I called my mom and thought I could talk to her about it and she would somehow help me feel all better. Instead, I started talking about it and started crying more profusely. I don’t know if she could even understand me as I poured my heart out into the phone in between crying jags. Pain poured out of me until there was nothing left but a shivering, shaky body that needed to be wrapped up in a hug. I calmed down and tried to get myself under control. I ate some food and tried to think logically about this whole frustrating situation.
Then I tried to study for my Worldviews class, but couldn’t really focus on it. My heart was still hurting too deeply to be able to focus on Islam and Postmodernism.
Then Annesley came in with this letter for me:
She said she would read it to me. In her most serious reading voice, she squinted at the page and read me her note.
I love you and you love me because your heart is a gift from Jesus because Jesus loves you. And I love Jesus and Jesus loves me. Jesus was borned and was a baby and then he growed up. Then the bad guys came and put pointy things in his head and put him on the cross. They put nails in his left hand and nails in his right hand and nails in his feet. Mom, I love you. Thank you for being my mom.
She is such a ray of sunshine and her precious words helped the tears and the fear and the pain leave. I can’t even tell you how much I need her in my life.
God, thank you for giving her to me. I need to remember and focus on the blessings Thou hast blessed me with.
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
Well, you are in my prayers. My brother teaches at BYU and at one point, his Dr. had rooster comb jell injected into his hip he had really good results from that but I know your hip issue is entirely different…..He fell off his mountain bike on a rocky run in the hills. I told him to think “hip hip hurray” first thing when he wakes up in a.m. already told Pink Hippie about this….mixing her up w/ you in fact I was thinking well….. you did name yourself pink hippie so, does that mean anything at all, maybe not………wrong girl– she was really sweet about it.
Sometimes it helps to ask God what the message is with this particular affliction….He will work with you to discover just what it is. It is really between you and Him. Right when the injury happened, what was your frame of mind…..go through the injury moments slowly and thoroughly and as honestly as possible…..with Father in Heaven…….and you know, doors will be opened for you to get that surgery in God’s timeframe — forget hospital schedules……God bless you dear girl……
That is so sweet! It brought tears to my eyes. No matter how hard things are, He knows our sorrows, and our pains, and He loves us. What a timely message from one of his sweet children for you. Hugs, Tracy… I hope things get better for you sooner than later.