some firsts

Aug 22, 2012

My hip is healing. It is ever so slow and hard to quantify, but it is healing. This very gradual process has been difficult for me to wrap my head around. I am used to something being fine or not fine. A sprained ankle hurting like heck and then being all better. A bone being broken and then being all put back together again. This teensy-tiny incremental healing is a whole new thing for me and is incredibly difficult for me to explain to others.

Sample conversation:

Person: Are you getting better?

Me: YES!

Person: Great! I’m so happy for you.

Me: Yes, me too.

Person: Why aren’t you sitting down to eat with us?

Me: It still hurts to sit.

Person: I thought you said you were better.

Me: No, I said I am getting better.

Person: But you can’t sit? I thought you said those ozone injections were working.

Me: Yes, they are working, but it is slow. See this cartilage isn’t supposed to be able to heal at all, so the fact that I am standing here talking to you is super cool, but it is slow progress.

Person: I think you need to do something else. You should be better by now, what has it been, like six months.

Me: Yes, six long months. But I am doing SO much better. I can go places and walk well and smile without a grimace on my face and sit temporarily and I jumped off the bridge and I went kayaking and I can vacuum and I have hope it will completely heal eventually.

Person: Well, that is all good, but it still seems you should be better by now. Can’t they do something?!?

The “they” is what always gets us, isn’t it? THEY should be able to fix everything with a pill or a procedure or a SOMETHING that will make everything all better right. this. minute.

But, ’tis not to be. I have had an opportunity to experience a different sort of healing. A healing that takes time (what seems like eons of time!) and isn’t all that measurable on a day to day basis. I can’t fix this and neither can anyone else (except God – He can do anything, but for some reason, He has chosen not to miraculously heal this stubborn piece of cartilage) and so I have to learn to wait and to trust and to be okay with the journey.

Big lessons.

Anyway, back to the title of the post. I have recently had some firsts! Yesterday I drove a long ways…like two-ish hours! On Sunday I sat on our pew at church for about 35 minutes. Monday I went to the library for our first library trip in six months and I did the grocery shopping. Super-exciting. Progress is being made. My hip feels more stable, less painful, more mobile, less popping out of place, and better, much better.

Yesterday I had a vision of me riding my bike, fast as the wind, before winter sets in. I am going to keep that vision in the forefront of my mind and I think it is going to come true.

Join me in that hope?