boo-hoo for me

Feb 18, 2013

I had a rough day yesterday. I was all geared up to attend church for the first time since January 6 and had a wonderful morning getting ready. Then I about cried my little heart out with love for the people I saw. So many hugs, so many kind words, so many smiles. Everyone’s kindness warmed my heart and I was thrilled to be there and was ready to partake of the Sacrament for the first time in many weeks.

Then my head started feeling like it was floating away, my arms went numb, and I got really weak. I made it through the meeting, but wasn’t doing so hot. Richard came to the back and took one look at me and told me I needed to go home and rest.

I AM SO TIRED OF RESTING!

I said, “No, I am going to make it through. I want to go to Sunday School and Relief Society and I can do it.”

He responded with “Trac, something is wrong. You don’t look right and your body systems are all over the place. Let me take you home. I am sorry this is happening. I know you want to be here, but you need to go home.”

Oh, the frustration. Oh, the questions that roll around my mind. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? I had a great week. NO shakiness. NO going white. No anything.

By the time he got me home, I was shaking and white and felt like I would pass out at any moment. I spent the rest of the day in bed doing genealogy and listening to General Conference talks on faith for my lesson next week.

I am trying to live in the moment. I am trying to take each moment as it comes and accept them for what they are. I am trying to be grateful for my body in whatever state of functioning it is in. I am trying to praise God each and every day.

But this is hard.

Really, really hard.