those awesome friends of mine

Feb 7, 2013

Last Thursday I was in the depths of despair. I could not stop crying and had no hope that I would ever get out my bed again. I was beating myself up for not having enough having faith in God’s healing powers, for not being grateful enough for the miracle of Wednesday, for being too prideful (isn’t any pride too much?), and for being a gigantic burden to everyone around me. It was a dark, lonely place and I decided I wanted to stay there even though my friends were having a party complete with homemade curry, mint chocolate popcorn, and yummy Breyer’s ice cream. I refused to attend and told them I wanted to bury myself in a deep, dark hole and never talk to anyone or see anyone again. Well, those dear friends of mine wouldn’t stand for my nonsense and made me attend and between their delicious food, hilarious stories, and lots of snuggles they pulled me out of my stormcloud and back to reality…which is this, I have a really yucky labral tear that does not normally heal without surgery, surgery isn’t an option, so I am stuck with alternative treatments that my body seems to be rejecting and giving me seizures over. I also have a genetic collagen disorder that makes all the connective tissue in my body super-stretchy and prone to injuries, dislocations, labral tears, pain, and cartilage degeneration as well as pretty severe nervous system dysfunction that causes endless amounts of pain. I am surrounded by a husband that adores me through thick and thin AND he can do energy work to greatly lesson the pain, friends who love me and are committed to walking this path with me, four wonderful children who I have the privilege of raising and teaching and loving, parents who believe in me and truly want the best for me, a huge network of friends who love on my children, listen to my struggles, and pray for me. I have a rich family heritage of faith in God and courage to do hard things. I have a good head on my shoulders and can figure most anything out. I have a beautiful home in a beautiful place where my children can play and explore without fear. I have food in my cupboards. I have clothes. I have books and toys and computers and gobs of other things to create a wonderful learning environment for my children. I have made covenants with my Heavenly Father and am strengthened and blessed by them continually. Most of all, I know I am a child of God and that He knows me, loves me, and is doing all he can to bring me home to Him. I know He has given His children a Savior which makes it possible for us to be redeemed from our sins and healed from our sorrows.

I am richly blessed and while I may sometimes wallow in misery, I am so grateful for friends who know how to love me back to a place of peace.