earthlife is messy
This human state is such an interesting thing. Emotions, spiritual impressions, the challenges and joys of having a body, and how all three of those things interact with each other and with other people’s emotions, spirituality, and bodies can add up to one tangled web of amazing craziness.
On Thursday my emotions were all over the place. My body was sending me wonky messages of pain, confusion, and exhaustion. My spiritual impressions were getting trampled by the emotion and body messages.
I think this is normal. It is part of this experience we call life…it is messy and intense and joyous and twisty-turny and wonderful all wrapped up together. At any given moment I can be overcome with gratitude AND pain AND hope AND despair AND peace. All at once.
When I share the details of my life with the interwebs I strive for honesty…for several reasons. One, I am not really writing for the millions of possible readers out there in blogland, I am writing for me. Writing helps me process my thoughts and emotions and come to new perspectives. Two, I am also writing for my children and grandchildren. I want them to know the truth of my life, the good days and the bad, the triumphs, the every day ordinary rhythms of our lives, and everything in between. I want them to know how fiercely I loved them and how very challenging it has been to mother them through these injuries. My hope is they will see me as a real person who struggles just like they do and tries again and again AND again and that through my journey they will find the courage to keep trying in their own lives. Third, I do hope that when a person reads my words they walk away strengthened in their own life. I am not a Pinterest board, I am a messy, vibrant, chaotic, striving soul and if my life can bless another in the midst of their own journey, I am willing to share.
p.s. On tap for today is eating my delicious Valentine cupcake from Cocoa Bean, finding a walker to help me get around with this new injury, piles of laundry, the children cleaning all their bedrooms and bathrooms, and catching up on some school work we missed during this crazy week. I am going to take a bath for the first time in many, many days – I think Tuesday was my last bath. I stink! Last night I told Richard he smelled terrible and to move away from me. He apologized and kindly obliged my request to move to the far side of the bed. Welllllll, this morning after he left for work, the reeking smell was still here and I figured out it is me! So my goal for the day is to take a long, hot bath and get all this stinkiness washed away.
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
Earthlife IS messy. Most certainly. I’ve been wallowing this weekend, because I have an overuse injury with my elbow, and I had to relinquish my spot as concertmaster for the local orchestra, and not play in the concert next month that I have already poured hours and my heart and soul into. I’ve only been able to give this up in the hopes that my future violin playing won’t be affected. As I was feeling sorry for myself, I thought about how blessed I am, and how very small this setback is in the eternal scheme of things. I thought of you, and how your physical setbacks affect every part of your life, and I was humbled. Keep up the good fight. We’ll make it through this messy life, full of contradicting feelings and emotions. I am so sorry for all of the terribly hard things that you have been going through, and I think about you often. I don’t blame you for feeling like giving up sometimes. Keep up the fight. You are so loved!
Mindy, I am so sorry your elbow is hurting! I so wish I could wave my magic wand and fix you up lickety-split so the world can be blessed by your beautiful music. I miss hearing you play.