first 24 hours of gratitude

Feb 28, 2020

It is 9:42 at night and my heart is so full of gratitude. This is not an exhaustive list, but I want to record some things to both focus on and remember.

• We are out of the ICU! It is so much more lovely and quiet over here in Acute Care.
• My mind has been full of this thought all day…If this had happened even a year ago and definitely two years ago, I would have been unable to take care of him. These long days would have done me in and I would have been having seizures and passing out. One year ago I took care of my mama in the hospital for a little over 24 hours and it was so hard on my body and I nearly passed out multiple times. This would have been impossible. Today I hit my head really hard on his food tray and it hurt, crazy hurt, but I didn’t pass out. I can’t even describe to you what a miracle it is for my body to be doing so fantastic that I can be on my feet all day long and take care of him. Thank you stem cells, thank you Plexus, thank you God. Soooo much thanks.
• Richard’s facial nerve continues to function! WAHOO. Just one week ago, Dr. Couldwell said “Almost certainly you will have some degree of facial paralysis after surgery. Nearly everyone does. So that is not the question, the question is how severe the paralysis will be, how long will it last, and what can we do to help you function with it.” Miracles!!!
• We are surrounded by love. So much love with people being here at the hospital with me, people sending encouraging messages, each of you reading my posts and cheering us on. Thank you. Every single message is a gift to our hearts.
• Our children are doing well. Of course they are scared and at times, overwhelmed, but they are brave, resilient, hilarious, and full of love. I’m so proud of them and so grateful for them.
• Our insurance company paid for a hotel for us – what a gift! It is right next to the hospital and is such a gift to be able to run over and get cleaned up. I didn’t think we would need it, but they knew better than me and booked it. I had never heard of travel benefits before we joined Mountain Health Co-op and didn’t really trust that they would do what they say (been burned so many times in the past by insurance companies), but they are far exceeding my expectations.
• Most of all, at this moment, my heart is so full of love for Richard. He is lying here sleeping while I type this and hearing his gentle breathing sounds bring joy to my heart. He is alive! He is recovering! He can still kiss me. He is so patient and kind and good even when he is miserable. I am so head over heals in love with this man and so blessed by his love. Somehow, miraculously, he feels like he is the blessed one. Oh my heart, I love him and am so grateful he is going to leave this hospital sometime in the next week and come home to us. I’ve had so many terrible nightmares over the past month about him dying during surgery and while I knew it was unlikely, the dread of that possibility has been weighing heavily on my mind and I want to shriek with joy that he made it through.

Sitting here in the dark, savoring this joy and gratitude tonight is just what my soul needed. Thanks for listening.