yes we can, yes we can, yes we can

Sep 4, 2014

I love homeschooling. Absolutely love it. Believe in it. Preach it. Teach it. Live it.

But I don’t want to present only one side of the picture lest someone think homeschooling is all roses smelling of super cheerful children dying to learn every minute of the day. I have to be honest. And today that honesty is tiredness. Today has about done me in. We are almost done with our second week of early morning scripture study and day 3 of 6:15 scripture study. Man, it is early. Then today I added in the whole shebang, morning devotional, poem of the week, math, reading, history, phonics, Bible stories, puzzles, and don’t forget, the whole being in the same room with my children for hours at a time. Today it was just a bit much. I am ready for a nap and some ice cream and no noise of any kind for the next 12 hours. Of course, it doesn’t help that it is also the first day of my period and my back is aching something fierce.

The truth is the last two weeks have been very sleep deprived. Between late night outings, middle of the night Jessica rescues, two trips to Utah with middle of the night returns, many day long cleaning projects, and not being able to sleep well because of sore joints and muscles, I am tired. I need another month of rest before I dive into 15 hour days of teaching, loving, cooking, mentoring, cleaning, driving, and listening. I haven’t really been in full-time homeschooling mama mode for awhile due to my injuries and it is going to take some time for me to build up my homeschooling mama stamina again…like a Couch to 5K program, teehee. We have been easing into it with more reading and math time the past few weeks, adding in a little bit each day, but it still felt like a big jump in what was needed of me today.

Today is Keziah’s first cross-country meet of the year and it is an hour away. I decided around noon I just didn’t have it in me to drive clear out there, sit and watch for several hours, and drive back home. My cramps were too strong and my fatigue was too great. She said she didn’t mind in the slightest so I drove her to the bus, gave her a squeeze, and told her to run her heart out. It hurts my heart, but there is only so much energy I can muster in any 24 hour period and mine is already used up for today.

Tomorrow is another long day. It is the first day of my homeschool gymnastics classes and yes, I know I am crazy for even attempting it, and yes, my nearest and dearest (outside of Richard) have tried, endlessly mind you, to talk me out of it. I love teaching gym. It is part of who I am and I am not willing to say goodbye to that part of me. When I even think about it, the tears start pouring out of me. I figure if we have made it through gym the last 2 1/2 years with a very broken me, we can make it through this year with a much less broken me. I mean, let’s shout hallelujah, I have been brace, splint, walking boot, casting tape FREE since Sunday and I am still holding together and walking well. This is fabulous! It is time to build some muscles. Quite frankly, the thought excites and exhausts me all at the same time. Outside of the injuries, pain, expenses, and sheer frustration of a connective tissue disorder, the never-ending day-to-day burden is the tiredness. My body simply can’t do what it used to be able to do. At the end of each day it really feels like I have run a marathon – my muscles are exhausted from holding my joints in place, my nervous system is exhausted from sending thousands of messages about bones and ligaments and muscles being wonky, and it honestly feels like my brain is worn out by about noon of each day. Add in a few tachycardia events and my body is done.

So, let’s just say this first day of dedicated learning time was good, really good. And hard. And exhausting.

Hmmm, Annes is ready for me to read her some Mother Goose for her Humpty Dumpty’s Corner class at iFAMILY, so I better muster some strength and go snuggle up with her while we recite “Jack Be Nimble” a few more times. We can do this. We can do this. We can do this.