blog
week 16
Our girly is hurting. She could use oodles of prayers and love. Please pray for her companion and for Leslie’s family. Please pray Blythe will know how to comfort Leslie’s family. Please pray that they will experience the peace of God and feel wrapped in His arms of love.
On another note, I apologized to Blythe this week for the many times I was angry or exasperated with her when she was a teenager. She responded with such a lovely…and grownup note of love for me. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. If I had any other mom I would have a very different life. Few other people would have adjusted so much to fit my needs and few other people are as dedicated and passionate as you. You’re awesome. I’m sorry for all of it. :) It wasn’t nearly as bad as a lot of people experience as teenagers. Love you <3" I cried happy tears. My girly has learned a lot of wisdom in the past four months.
So I have some bad news. Leslie passed away on Thursday night. In case anyone doesn’t know, she was one of our investigators. She has seven kids and has been battling cancer for two years. I am overwhelmed a little with the responsibility to help their family get through this time, but we will try our very best to support them and love them. We didn’t find out until Friday night, and I had to make the calls around to the other missionaries who had worked with them. I feel so sad for them. Friday through Sunday were really hard. I felt very unproductive, and I came to that point like where I really did feel like I was wasting my time, not because there’s not work to be done, but because we can’t seem to do it. Saturday was hard. We didn’t make a lot of visible progress and I was still thinking a lot about Leslie’s family, and it was just a bad day. It is sort of scary, because Leslie had priesthood blessings that promised healing, and they were not fulfilled in the way they expected them to be fulfilled. Now I have some understanding of it, and know that those blessings were not wasted, or even unfulfilled, but I’ve been worried how to explain all of that to them, as they probably don’t believe in priesthood power and now have reason to believe that it’s not real. But it’s been cool because as I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve been able to find other ways to teach about eternal families, like focusing on the temple. When I was thinking about the questions they might ask about why the blessings didn’t heal her, I thought about how ancient Israel was waiting for the Savior to save them from their physical enemies, but that He really came to save them spiritually and how those blessings she received were not wasted.
Cevik’s back in town, and we taught him last Sunday. When we invited him to be baptized he said they weren’t really interested in converting, but he wants to learn more and says he will read the Book of Mormon. We also gave Minoo a Farsi Book of Mormon and she says she’s been reading it.
We went to the temple on Friday Morning and I had a really sweet experience there. I was one of the last to leave the celestial room. When everyone started heading out, I was just thinking how I just didn’t want to go, that I just wanted to stay right there and feel the peace. As I was thinking this, I felt the words “I am always with you” and I knew that He would be with me, even though it was hard, and even though my companionship relationship is hard. That came at a time to prepare me for the challenges the last few days, because later that day everything started sort of falling apart. Then that night we found out about Leslie and the next day was just was hard. Sunday I was still having a hard time and I just did not want to get up early and go to meetings, which are of course earlier since church starts at 9:00 now, and we hadn’t finished progress records. But in ward council that day Brother Nielson said to put us missionaries on the prayer role. I think that is the first time that has happened and the prayer for us was exactly what I needed. I’m sure he was inspired. The day before when I’d felt so useless, I’d heard something or read something that was talking about how Heavenly Father takes us as we are and works with us so we can become better. Then in Ward Conference on Sunday they referenced the quote “Our direction is ever more important to Him than our speed.” Those things are exactly what I needed to hear at those moments.
With the last couple days of these challenges, I have had multiple witnesses that God is mindful of me in my trials and is watching over me. Thank you for your prayers and faith.
My ponderizing scripture is 1 Nephi 13:37: “And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be.”
Love you all.
Sister W.
the magician’s nephew
We started our reading of The Chronicles of Narnia on New Year’s Day and we finished last night after the children begged and pleaded for me to finish the last two chapters in one sitting. They couldn’t bear to wait another day to hear the ending of The Magician’s Nephew.
Ah. It is like breathing life into my soul to read Narnia to my children. Blythe was obsessed with Narnia from about age six to eight. Obsessed. We read it over and over and over and listened to the Focus on The Family Dramatized version for years. The story of Aslan, Lucy, Peter, Mr. Tumnus, Caspian, Shasta, the witch, Tirian, the ape, the dwarfs, and all the rest are part of our family culture. So it isn’t that the stories are new to Fisher and Annes. But in a way they are new. I have never read them to them. They have never been through the story beginning to end. They have never experienced it all unfolding before them. I guess I thought that because it is all around them because of Blythe’s great love for the story and the movies coming out several years ago that they didn’t need me to read it to them. That they knew it all.
But they don’t. There is so much they have missed because they were too little when Blythe was still listening to the stories all the time. They have grown up with the characters and basic story line, but they have missed the greater wisdom of this epic adventure that grows as they identify with a character, feel the hard choices, pain, and joy, and face their own character flaws and strengths as they consider what they would do in the same situation.
And so we read each night and the story unfolds before them and wraps up their imagination in the lovely world of right and wrong, courage, friendship, faith, sacrifice, and always, always Aslan calling to their souls.
I’m so glad God gave me the prompting back in November that this should be our next read aloud. It is proving to be a delightful journey.
Favorite lines this time through:
“Oh, I see. You mean that little boys ought to keep their promises. Very true: most right and proper, I’m sure, and I’m very glad you have been taught to do it. But of course you must understand that rules of that sort, however excellent they may be for little boys – and servants – and women – and even people in general, can’t possibly be expected to apply to profound students and great thinkers and sages. No, Digory. Men like me, who possess hidden wisdom, are freed from common pleasures. Ours, my boy, is a high and lonely destiny.”
As he said this he sighed and looked so grave and noble and mysterious that for a second Digory really thought he was saying something rather fine. But then he remembered the ugly look he had seen on his Uncle’s face the moment before Polly had vanished, and all at once he saw through Uncle Andrew’s grand words. “All it means is that he things he can do anything he likes to get anything he wants.”
Such wisdom young Digory is gaining! He knows that it is not just for a code of conduct to only apply to some people. He knows his uncle is behaving abominably and a little seed is planted in his heart to not do the same. In the end, his greatest joys come because he learns and obeys that lesson.
“In Charn [Jadis] had taken no notice of Polly (till the very end) because Digory was the one she wanted to make use of. Now that she had Uncle Andrew, she took no notice of Digory. I expect most witches are like that. They are not interested in things or people unless they can use them; they are terribly practical.”
How am I using people? I so want to love people, not use them.
“Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.”
Hmmmm.
“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.”
I have found this to be so true. I see in others parts of my own soul reflected back at me. Perspective is a crazy thing. It can be incredibly false and powerfully true. Praying to see as God sees has made a huge difference in my life.
“You know me better than you think, you know, and you shall know me better yet.”
All of us know God. Our souls yearn to be with our Father again. Knowing Him is my heart’s desire.
“Look for the valleys, the green places, and fly through them. There will always be a way through.”
Always. Always. Always He will provide a way through the hard, craggy mountains of life.
“But length of days with an evil heart is only length of misery and already she begins to know it. All get what they want; they do not always like it.”
We become what we desire, but that doesn’t mean the end of the road will be what we want.
“But I cannot tell that to this old sinner, and I cannot comfort him either; he has made himself unable to hear my voice. If I spoke to him, he would hear only growlings and roarings. Oh, Adam’s son, how cleverly you defend yourself against all that might do you good!”
How do I make myself unable to hear His voice? What do I need to do today and each day to better hear Him.
“Things always work according to their nature.”
We live and multiply and work according to who we are. We can only pretend for so long, but the truth of who we are always comes out. At the root of everything, we are children of God and if we can let that truth grow within us, we will live as children of God.
“Child, that is why all the rest are now a horror to her. That is what happens to those who pluck and eat fruits at the wrong time and in the wrong way. Oh, the fruit is good, but they loath it ever after.”
Oh. Oh. Such wisdom. Takes my breath away to think about it.
“Glory be!” said the Cabby. “I’d ha’ been a better man all my life if I’d known there were things like this.”
The glory and majesty of God’s power is beyond my comprehension. I want to be a better, truer, more kind, obedient, and daughter. Oh, heaven help me.
Tonight we will start The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. What a joy it is to share Narnia with my little ones!
week 15
We have more snow than we have had the past several winters and Blythe, who loves snow, has none in Sunny California. I almost didn’t dare tell her about the snow, but I finally let her in on it this week and she said “I am personally offended!” She isn’t really though, probably just shocked that we are getting so much. She has been teaching a woman (Leslie) with cancer and it looks like she might pass away this week. We are praying for Leslie’s family this week that they will feel the love and tender care of the Lord while they go through this experience.
Blythe with her first companion, Sister Shumway.
She must be making artsy journal entries for every transfer.
Artsy stuff for transfer 2. She is coming up on transfer 3 soon.
So this week there’s been some pretty awesome things. Cevik’s back in town, and we taught him, though it went sort of awkwardly. We’ll be seeing him next Sunday, and we are hopeful we’ll be able to bring one of the couple of members that he knows.
We saw a family that missionaries have been knocking on their door since before I got here with no response. They’re a part member family and the mom (who’s the member) didn’t really want anything to do with the church, though she has several friends in the ward. We talked to the son, Chase, and he was really friendly, and we were there for about 10 minutes just outside talking.
A less active lady we’ve been working with came to church yesterday. She really likes us and has set up multiple appointments which have always fallen through. I didn’t even see for a long time after I got here. But we finally got in this week, though we were on exchange so I wasn’t there, and she came to church and brought her daughter. So I was super excited!
Also, Minoo, who is the one from Iran – we’re hoping to teach her soon and we found out that there’s a guy in the ward who speaks Farsi from his mission! The apartment complex in our area is such a melting pot and these things just keep lining up. It’s just crazy!
I also had my first really beneficial exchange this week. The other comp exchanges I’ve been on kind of felt like they were just filling time. We didn’t make much progress, I felt like. (In case you don’t know what an exchange is, it’s where you and your companion split up and go with your sister training leaders, who are sort of like a Sister District Leader. And they’re supposed to measure your progress and give you some pointers.) The other exchanges I felt like we were just doing it because we were supposed to, but this time, with Sister Fetui (who is awesome) I really felt like she was trying help me in the best way she could. She put a lot of thought and effort into it and it really helped me. It was crazy, though. She was supposed to go on 2 exchanges in 2 days and her Sister Training Leader companion would go on the exchanges with the other two Sisters. So the plan was they would each go with one from each companionship. They had to be done this week, but her sister training leader companion got super sick, and couldn’t do any of them, so she had to do half exchanges with us, for half the day and the other for the second half of the day. And then she would have to do it with the other companionship the next day, but then Sister Robison was too sick (she was in the other companionship) so Sister Fetui didn’t get to do it the second day.
Love you all,
Sister W.
alma 10:11
I haven’t followed through on choosing a Ponderizing scripture the past few weeks, but this week I did and every time I read it, my heart filled with a cup of peace.
This verse is Amulek sharing his experiences with the prophet Alma with his community. He is trying to encourage them to listen to Alma’s message of peace and hope in Christ.
For behold, he hath blessed mine house, he hath blessed me, and my women, and my children, and my father and my kinsfolk; yea, even all my kindred hath he blessed and the blessing of the Lord hath rested upon us according to the words which he spake.
As I pondered this verse, I thought about the many blessings that have been poured out upon my family as we have followed the words of the prophets. We have been financially and spiritually blessed as we have paid tithing. We have children that love goodness and understand scripture. We have peace in our marriage. We have experienced miracles of healing as we have put our trust in the Lord. We are anxiously engaged in good causes which bring us great happiness. Truly the Lord has blessed us as we have tried to follow the teachings of the prophets, both ancient and modern. My heart wells up with gratitude just thinking about the magnitude of the care of the Lord.
oh, the tears
What a hard week. On top of the crazy-making hormone levels, my body doing some funky things (nerve pain in my face, my head feeling like there is a ball inside being inflated, dysautonomia symptoms changing every few minutes, and ribs that will not stay in place, keep poking, and make it hard to breathe), and all of us trying to adjust to our new routine (new foods for Richard and new schedules for all of us), we found new homes for our dogs this week.
I can’t really post all the details on the interwebs, but suffice it to say we have had ongoing issues with one of our neighbors and we decided the best option for our dog’s lives was to find them new families to love them. They went to wonderful homes where they will be adored. My dear friend, Heather, took Charlie and her mother-in-law took Sadie. Heather has lllooovvvveeedddd Charlie since she first met her. They have a beautiful relationship. So when she said she would take her in a heartbeat, we decided it was the best possible outcome of this situation and probably the only one we could feel good about. But it still hurts.
Our hearts are pretty raw today. When I woke up this morning, it hit me. Hard. There is not a dog running outside barking at the squirrels. There is not a dog waiting for the children to wake up and play. There is not a dog waiting for us to rub her. There is not a dog.
And the tears flow.
And the anger flares.
And my heart prays.
Come, peace, come. Salve for our souls is needed.
easing back into life
Recovering from late nights, too much junk food, and lack of commitments.
New scripture study time. (In the morning at the butt-crack of dawn. Actually long before the butt-crack of dawn since it is pitch black outside when Richard gently kisses me and shakes me awake so I can pull on my fleece sweats and slippers and plod out to the family room.)
New schedules.
New goals.
Registration for iFamily was this week and I had to break some children’s hearts because I can’t take more than 16 students in my Math Alive class and nearly 30 applied. I hate breaking hearts.
Homeschool days on the ski/snowboarding slopes is here once again and for the first time since 2008, I am trying my darndest to make it happen for my kids. Long, frustrating story there about how hard I have been trying to magically find all the gear they need for as few pennies as possible and piles of tears that poured out of me when I couldn’t find what they needed at prices we could afford. My heart and their hearts were so set on going this week, but I just couldn’t make it happen. So I fell apart, telling myself all the lies. Something akin to “for crying out loud we live right next to the mountains and have an awesome homeschool program that allows kids to ski or board for hours and hours for $10 and you KNOW this, so what is wrong with you (me) that you didn’t plan ahead and get all this stuff in the summer when it was available or look in Utah or SOMETHING else, for the love. You (once again, me!) made a stupid choice to buy a snowboard when you don’t know anything about snowboards and now you are told it is broken and you can’t find boots and it is all completely pointless.” It was a rough night of tears and irrational thought. (But I am better now, no worries needed about my overall sanity.) And Keziah went since she has her own money and a friend was able to loan her all the gear she needed, so that was super fun, even though the other kiddos were disappointed.
Starting gym again on Friday and not ready to be up on my feet again. This new flare up of my knee injury is frustrating.
Plummeting progesterone levels which equals a weepy, emotions-all-over-the-place mama.
Play practices ramping up for Miss Keziah’s play which is at the end of the month. So, we don’t see her much.
Same girly getting her driver’s license (hopefully this week!) which is exciting and wonderful and will help out a ton, but leaves me with no vehicle whenever she takes the Subaru. (Our suburban runs just fine, but it is not driveable right now because the heater core broke on the way to Swim Camp back in June. Living up here in the frozen tundra prevents anyone with even a wee bit of sanity to drive a vehicle without a heater!)
Fisher finished his math program a few ago and we are trying to figure out where to go next with him. And my brain or spirit or something must be closed off to the heavens (or more likely just really, really tired) because I just don’t know what to do.
I am trying to put together the next semester of Liberty Girls and feeling little direction from on high…which leads to low motivation on my end.
I feel like hibernating right here in my house and savoring the long, winter days with books, warm quilts, hot chocolate, and lots of calm. I don’t want to actually deal with reality and answer the phone, pay bills, run errands, organize anything, or go anywhere. So I am doing that. AND doing a bit of the other because, you know, life.
Lots of changes, so we are easing into them and trying not to cause all-out rebellion (mostly my own rebellion where I throw in the towel and head for my imaginary cabin in the hills, haha!). Yesterday we started reading Stone Fox (love that book!) for the man club Fisher is a part of, Explorer Boys, and ever so slowly started back into our normal school days. I think we will start some geometry today with him and see how it goes.
All the books for 2016 for my colloquia group have been selected and I just might get them posted here, but no guarantees since at the moment my energy level is roughly equivalent to a sloths. Tomorrow night is our first discussion of the year, which means I’ll need to shower…and turn on my brain…but then I can enjoy hearing thoughts and ideas on a great book and it will be lovely.
So this week is going to be slow and calm and full of nurturing…I need the calm. There is plenty of time for the busy later.
week 14
First time sick since she left. I’m hoping she used all the herbs and oils and vitamins I sent with her! I’m sure she is pretty self-sufficient and can take care of illness herself, but I still would like to have more information about the whole thing and give her tips on how to get her immune system up to full speed again. Once a mom, always a mom! Blythe is doing well – loving and serving and teaching – and we are so happy for her!
Well, this has been an interesting week. We got to see Lori on New Years Eve and she seems to be doing a little better. She’s been having kind of a rough time, but we took her some Martinelli’s and talked to her for a minute. We had an early curfew that night, so we had a zone activity, and that was super fun. I’d had a headache and stuffiness Wed. and Thur. but was doing OK. Fri. morning we woke up and Sister Hollenbeck was super sick and was throwing up. I felt OK, just the headache, but by about 11 I felt pretty sick with the same thing she had. We couldn’t go out, and it was frustrating to have to stay in the apartment, but we were just too sick. We had two companionships of elders come over that night so they could give us blessings.
Two really cool things happened this week. We were walking around the apartment complex in our area and were on our way to see stop by to see Joanie. We passed this apartment where this lady was outside on the porch. We’d seen her a couple days before briefly and we just said “hi.” She instantly said “Come in, come in” and we went in and talked to her for quite a while. She is from Iran and came over for a few months to see her son, who lives over here and who we actually saw several nights ago. She doesn’t speak English great, but enough. She speaks Farsi. She has a daughter with some sort of disability. She told us all about the different parts of Iran and told us about the cultures (There are a lot! I had no idea about the diversity there!) and the different languages, and about her family. Then she talked about the Christian churches they have there, and she asked if we were from the church, pointing to our tags, and we said “yes.” And she said, “I want to go to church with you, not this week, but next week.” And we said, “We would love for you to come to church and we’d love to have you there.” and then we talked for a little longer. She should be coming next Sunday! I am super excited about her. It was just so cool. We didn’t ask to come in, we didn’t invite her to church, she just said she wanted to herself.
The other thing that happened was when we were tracting. We knocked on this one door, even though it had a sales lock on the outside (but there wasn’t a sign out front), and this little Hispanic lady answers the door. She said, “You are Mormons?” and we said “yes”, and she just said, “Ohhh! I am Jehovah’s Witness! You are my sisters! And she gave us big hugs and invited us in and gave us soda. We talked for quite a while. She spoke very little English, and my Spanish is pretty sad. Sister Hollenbeck speaks a little, and we could generally get what she was saying, but I could only catch bits and pieces. We told her there are sisters who spoke much better Spanish, so we’ll refer her to them, but it was just really awesome.
Something funny that I’ve been forgetting to say is that we got a sort of referral for Justin Bieber! Francsca told us that he’s been going to really popular restaurant/bar that is up in the canyon and that he’s been driving either a red or a yellow Ferrari. We about died after that.
Anyway, love you all!
Sister W.
narnia
We started our next read-aloud for 2016 tonight. In the midst of grumpy kids who were tired from late nights, sugar-laden, and about to dddiiiiiieee from taking down the Christmas decorations, magic was created.
Back in November, God whispered to my heart that our next read-aloud was to be the entire Chronicles of Narnia series. At first, I thought, “Our children know these stories inside and out, I don’t think I should take the time to read them aloud to them. I need to use this precious time for something they haven’t been exposed to yet.” But the quiet whispering continued and I knew there was a good reason for it. My excitement at the prospect grew and all through the nights of December Christmas stories, I grew giddy inside at the thought of sharing the wonderment of Narnia with our children over the next many months.
So, tonight, with children annoying one another and complaining at each new task assigned to them in our Christmas clean-up, we started our adventure. Richard made everyone hot chocolate while we finished the last of the clean-up and we welcomed everyone to grab a mug and a blanket and sit down and listen.
Soon calmness prevailed and happiness won out over the grumps. The magic of read-aloud time to bring a family together never ceases to amaze me. I think the world could be changed dramatically if all families spent some time in the evenings enjoying a delicious book together.
At the end of the chapter, they begged, “Please read another! Please, please! Just one more!” I reminded them that just thirty minutes prior they had been saying, “We don’t want to read Narnia! We want to watch Return of the Jedi!” and they grinned and said, “Yes, but now we want you to read more!”
Cracks me up.
The power of story is real. Stories speak to the deepest parts of who we are. They inspire courage, build connection, and create a culture of shared identity. They are the best things I know of to bind a family together.
What are you reading with your family right now?
farewell 2015
Today is the last day of 2015. Wowsers, it is hard to believe this year of growth and change and pain and joy is gone. We have all learned a lot about doing hard things, giving and receiving, finding hope, enduring, and most of all, deep-down-in-your-little-toes joy.
The biggest change for our family has been Blythe leaving on her mission. She started the process of filling out papers in January, submitted them in April, received her call on May 4th to the California Irvine Mission, received her endowment in August, entered the Missionary Training Center on September 16, and arrived in California on September 29th. What an experience it is to get a missionary out the door! So much time and money and effort and heartache and happiness and precious moments all wrapped up in the same package. The two days we were able to spend with her in the temple before she left are among the most sacred and glorious of my life. I will always treasure seeing her dressed in white as she made covenants with God. And now, 3 1/2 months after she walked out our door into her new life, all I feel is peace and radiant joy. It has been a huge blessing to have my whole being wrapped up in a blanket of God’s love as my baby girl has gone out into the world to share His message of love and redemption.
We have had so many blessings this year: medical treatments and tests, working vehicles (and rescuing when vehicles broke down!), spending time with family, Annesley’s baptism, our long, bumpy driveway covered in gravel, an unexpected change in Richard’s job that gave him the hours he needed, many, many angels both on earth and in heaven who have taken care of me while I have episodes, Keziah’s job, gifts from the heart, magical days at the lake, camping in my mountains, donations to Blythe’s mission fund, and most of all, love. Heaps and heaps of love have been poured out upon us. My heart is full to bursting with the love I am surrounded with.
There is much I didn’t accomplish this year. I didn’t lose weight. I didn’t grow muscles. I didn’t keep a spotless house. I didn’t find a cure for connective tissue disorders (I mean that somewhat seriously…my brain is continually trying to solve the issue of defective collagen.) I didn’t read as many books as I normally do. I didn’t put on a big fundraising event. I didn’t clean out my closet. I cancelled my book discussion group more than half the months of the year. I didn’t write the book I wanted to. I didn’t figure out how to cook on a regular basis. I didn’t figure out how to make our budget work to save more money. I didn’t excel at personal scripture study (or family study either!). I didn’t finish my chalkboard project…or the skateboard swing project. Or stain the deck. Or clean out the garage. Or clean out under the stairs. Or finish the clothing purging project. Or burn the garbage pile. Or remodel the camper. Or defrost the freezer. Or plant a flower. Or beautify my yard in any way. I didn’t create a fabulous training program for the Primary Music Leaders of my stake like I wanted to. I didn’t make it home to my mom’s house even once. I didn’t start a business to bring in more money. I didn’t clean out Blythe’s room. I didn’t blog about Swim Camp, our GRL camping trip, Blythe’s endowment, her farewell, or hundreds of other important and wonderful things that happened. I didn’t do a lot of things.
But I did learn more about love. I did learn more about sacrifice. I did learn more about receiving and giving. I did learn more about grace. I did grow to love my Savior more. I did enjoy lots of snuggles with my children. I did deepen my relationship with my husband. I did serve and love and give my heart more fully to the people who have needed me. I have missed my friends who have moved away fiercely and have learned that love is worth the pain of loss. I have learned, more fully, that the power of God is real. I have connected more fully with my ancestors. I have learned more about forgiveness. I have chosen kindness more often than anger. I have chosen to feel more and build walls less. Somehow, through the grace of God, I have made peace with my body and its challenges. We did spend many days kayaking at the lake. We did have lots of family game nights. We did read beautiful books together. We did spend seventeen days in the mountains. We did float the river in Island Park. We did attend our family reunion at our favorite location. We did have family pictures taken. We did get our daughter on a mission. We did throw a fabulous ice cream fest at our home before she left. We did pray together. We did laugh and we did cry. We lived, in spite of injuries and episodes and pain and heartache, we chose to live. With hope and faith, we lived. What an amazing year!
God has given me thousands of opportunities to learn needed character lessons and while I am certain He has much more to teach me and I have much more to learn, I am grateful for the lessons I have been given and received this year. I failed many times and I hope I learned from the failures to love and give and serve just as much as from the successes. There have been many days of sorrow and loneliness and hopelessness and fear and despair and He has been here with me, teaching me, comforting me, and helping me to choose love over all else.
There is a lot of pain and heartache in this world. Right now, among many of my dear friends and family, there is gut-wrenching, soul-splitting pain. I cannot solve the myriad of challenges they are facing. I have no magic wand to end the suffering being experienced by those I love. But I can take them into my heart and pray and listen and serve and lift. I am reading For The Love by Jen Hatmaker and it is a balm to my soul. In the introduction, she shares her mission. I wish I had written it, for it is my mission as well.
After a friend of hers asks her child what she does for a living and the child doesn’t really have a good answer and says, “Yeah, but she doesn’t have a job where knows about something. Jen decides to write down exactly what it is she spends her life doing.
Besides being obviously esteemed in my own home, maybe I ought to clarify what exactly I specialize in, since is appears very, very unclear to my own child. Certain foks love numbers and columns and reconciled accounts. (I barely even know what this means.) Some of my good friends love organizing and administrating; they are weirdly good at it. I have family members who excel at web design and creative technology and others who are craftsman and builders. Educators, chefs, sports medicine specialists, realtors; all people people in my circle who obviously know about something.
A little closer to my space, some of my girlfriends are true theologians and love the ins and outs of sticky hermeneutics. Others are preachers with fire in their bellies. Some are academics working on graduate degrees in God. Some are social entrepreneurs doing great good with their companies and organizations. Still others give their lives to justice in hard places. This is how they are gifted and this is what they love.
I love people.
It’s what I know.
God has always made the most sense to me through people, His image bearers. I crave dignity and healing and purpose and freedom for me and mine, you and yours, them and theirs. I want us to live well and love well. The substance of life isn’t stuff or success or work or accomplishments or possessions. It really isn’t, although we devote enormous energy to those goals. The fullest parts of my life, the best memories, the most satisfying pieces of my story have always involved people. Conversely, nothing hurts worse or steals more joy than broken relationships. We can heal and hurt each other, and we do.
I’m hoping to help lead a tribe that does more healing and less hurting.
I consider that my job.
Oh my, isn’t that breathtakingly beautiful? I love her words and my goal for 2016 is to more fully live them – to heal more and hurt less.
We can do this. Will you join me?
week 13 – first christmas without her
Seeing our daughter over FaceTime on Christmas Day was amazing! It was so, so good to see her bright, shining face and to see her healthy and happy and glowing. She sounded wonderful. We were able to talk for about 90 minutes and she shared her testimony of the Savior and of missionary work with us. We were able to have family prayer together and we all cried a bit. My heart rejoiced at how much love she has for sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ. She has always loved Jesus, but her love for Him has grown as has her love for the people around her. It is a beautiful thing to be a part of. Ahhh, I love this girl of mine.
Christmas was wonderful. We had a ton of contacts this week, more than we’ve ever gotten I think, with everyone coming in to town and visiting and going to the park with their families. It’s been great just to see so many people actually outside!
We saw Francesca again on Christmas Eve and it was probably the most wonderful visit I’ve had on my mission yet. She is so open about God and loves Him. She talks about Him like a friend. She says some funny things, like “blessings be upon you” and “protection be with these people.” She is very passionate in her belief in God and has a ton of faith. She talks about miracles all the time. We just love her.
Christmas is really a wonderful missionary tool. It’s been great in the work because of the people it has put in our way. My testimony of the Savior has been strengthened this season with the assurance that He came for us and knows exactly what we personally need at this very moment and I’ve had a lot of opportunities to share that belief with others.
My Ponderizing scripture this week is D&C 121:7-9. I also read a wonderful chapter about missionary work this morning in Alma 26.
Love you all and Merry after Christmas!
Sister W.
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
