marital dating?

Jan 29, 2011

I need some ideas. Wanna help?

Problem #1: I need some more time with my husband. I need some dates with him. I need time to talk to him. I am missing him greatly.

Problem #2: My children are missing their papa…probably even more than I am missing him. They need him in little-children-ways that are different than wife-ways. I feel like what little time he has to give should be given to them because they miss him so much.

Problem #3: I am having a hard time feeling okay about going on a date with him and taking him away from our children when they are so hungry for time with him. He is by far the favorite person in our home and everyone wants to be with him. Everyone needs more of him. I can’t justify it when they only get to see him for 1-2 hours a day. Taking those hours away are just too hard on them…and yet, I need him too and I want him all alone, all to myself.

I know all about keeping your marriage strong so your family can be strong…about putting your spouse first…about all the quotes and research and all that jazz. What I don’t know is how I can look at Annesley and Fisher and Kez and Blythe and tell them that they don’t get to see their papa tonight because I want him all to myself.

I have thought about going on a date after 10 p.m. on Saturday night so they won’t even miss him, but the reality is, it just won’t fly anymore (we used to do it every once in awhile when church was at 1 p.m., but now it is at 9:00 a.m.). The rest of the days it won’t work because he has to be up at 5:00 a.m. and I can’t keep him up late or he will break down quickly. I really don’t know how to solve the problem. When we had little children we often went grocery shopping together and then got a special treat to eat at home after everyone was asleep. We haven’t been grocery shopping since before Christmas and it would still be time taken away from our children. When we had more time together as a family I didn’t worry at all about keeping him all to myself one night a week, but now that there is so little time I feel enormous guilt about doing anything to keep him away from his little ones.


Who wouldn’t want to be with this adorable guy?

What to do?

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  1. You know, I am a firm believer in dating your spouse. I know it takes away from time with the kids, but I think the health of the marriage is even more urgent for the family than a few more hours of “dad time” for the kids. I think you should go out at least twice a month. That’s maybe 4-6 hours away from the kids in a whole month’s time. They’ll be okay. You need it. Do it.

    • tracy

      Yes, I am a firm believer also. What I am struggling with is the how-to. I can’t figure out how to make it work when my children…especially Fisher…are hurting so badly with missing-papa-itis.

  2. Anne

    Take Fisher with you on a date . . . . .

    • tracy

      Yes, we have brought him with us and it IS fun and special…but it is not the same as being able to have adult conversation with my man.

  3. Anne

    Can’t Fisher go to work with his Papa once in a while?

  4. Anne

    It is so ironic. I wish I could trade places for you. Not you and me! . . Richard’s job and hub’s job situation. He surely doesn’t need to be home half of Friday and all day Saturday and Sunday. We have nothing to talk about! I can only pray it’s all about the T*I*M*I*N*G you recently wrote about.

  5. jessica

    I think I’d find a bunch of good quotes and talks on the importance of couple time and have a family meeting. We’d talk about how important it is for the children to be able to have time with their dad but also how important it is for mom and dad to have time alone. I’d let them participate in the solution – compromising and having a date once or twice a month. Then they understand that a) daddy is working very hard to help us make ends meet and with that comes sacrifices of time, b) that he is giving a majority of his ‘spare time’ to his children, and that c) you aren’t in any way being selfish or ‘taking’ time away from them, that you need (and are supposed to have) time too.

    I’m sure your kids already understand much of that, but family meetings are good to solidify it all, yes?

    • tracy

      Good thoughts! I am sure they do understand it and I am sure they would say for us to go on a date…especially Blythe and Kez. Fisher would also want us to do it, but it would break his lil’ heart to say goodbye to his papa.