m, m, & m

Oct 20, 2012

These past many days have been chock full. Full of Make It For Maggie, miracles, and mushiness. I want to soak it all in and let the gratitude permeate my entire being. Wait, I think it already is. Permeating, that is.

Make It For Maggie fills my heart with so. much. joy. Everytime I check our nifty registration page and see more people who are joining us I want to scream out loud. Every time I see someone choose one of our additional donation buttons I DO scream out loud. Everytime I speak to one of our recipients, my heart fills right up with joy because I know what is coming for them…in one short week my amazing community is going to shower them with love and hugs and money and food and joy and belonging. Everytime I think about Kat and the privilege I have to be part of her life I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am one blessed woman.

The miracles? Yes, there have been a few this week. My dear Jessica has been granted a big one. On Thursday, I swung by her house to get something for Make It For Maggie and found her in bed not quite feeling up to snuff. She had passed out repeatedly that day and was now in bed trying to get some protein into herself. I immediately hopped into bed with her and started making all sorts of assessments and tried to relieve her headache with some massage and peppermint oil. I took her pulse and it was at 40 beats per minute. Next I called Richard to do some energy work on her and instead of responding the way he normally does and getting right to work on her meridians and chakras, he told her something was wrong with her heart that he couldn’t fix and she needed to go to the hospital. Right now.

That was pretty baffling because my husband would pretty much never tell anyone to go to the hospital. We all thought, “hmmmmm?”

Meanwhile, her father was calling from Utah and urging us to leave. Now.

Then I called Cameron, our friend Paula’s husband, to come give Jessica a blessing thinking surely he would pronounce some lovely, reassuring words of healing upon her head, but no, instead he could barely speak and told her to go seek the expertise and tools of medical specialists.

More baffling. But at least now we knew we really did need to go in. Three trusted loved ones had given us the same advice. So, off we went.

We made it as far as the entryway and she collapsed to the floor. Luckily we were able to catch her so she didn’t bonk her head on any walls or the floor on the way down, but it was still quite dramatic. We decided she was no longer in control of any of her limbs and would need to be carried out to the car which was done quite ably (if not a little hilariously) by her husband and Cameron.

Kat zipped us off to the hospital while I cradled her head and her mama prayed.

The next many hours were slow and fairly uneventful…more passing out, more shaking, more twitching, lots of laughter, not so many doctors, and more waiting than anyone who has lost control of their body should ever have to endure. Eventually (about 21 hours after we arrived at the hospital) it was determined she has a PFO or a hole in her heart.

Whoa. Big whoa. We were so excited they found the cause of her bizarre passing out and this whole hospital adventure, but were a bit saddened that she has to go through this trial. While many people have this condition, it only causes symptoms in about 2% of the population. Strokes and heart attacks can happen at any time with a PFO and those are two things Jessica (or anyone else!) doesn’t need.

Now we are waiting. Waiting for all the results from the EKG, EEG, MRI, Cortisol tests, and all the blood draws. Waiting to find out what the next steps will be and when she will be all better. The surgery has a pretty good success rate, but any medical procedure is going to cost a huge amount of money, cause a lot of pain, and greatly impact their family.

Now for the mushiness.

I love the women in my life. I often forget that having this large circle of close-knit friends isn’t all that common and that many women go through life without it. I am so blessed. We have created a community of women who give and serve and love and support and dream and work together. It is such a blessing in my life.

And my Jessica? Words cannot describe how much I love her. She is creative, talented, hilarious, beautiful, determined, brilliant, spiritual, committed, and full of big dreams. And she helps me go potty when my hips don’t work. What more could I want in a friend?

Snuggling with her in her hospital bed is my new favorite thing…I just need to make sure I don’t become completely entangled in her myriad tubing and accidently kill one of us.

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  1. Shannon

    WOW. Tracy you are both so very blessed to have one another. I pray for both of you :-) And I hope I can find friends I can be that close with!

  2. <3 s & thanksgiving for miracles and amazing women!

  3. Angela

    Good friends truly make the sun shine brighter even when you’re righting scary battles. Thanks for your post.

    • tracy

      Hi Angela,

      I was able to be the Jessica-Pass-Out babysitter today during church and it was so much fun to just lie in bed together and talk the afternoon away. I am so grateful for this circle of amazing women. They have served me and I have served them and we have all fallen in love with each other.

      Pretty blessed!

      • And what a fabulous pass-out babysitter you were! I love your last two paragraphs of this post and want to print them out and hang them on my wall. You are too, too good to me.


  4. I’ve been thinking about you girls and the special circle that you have since I visited in September, and I wonder how I could create that for myself here where I feel like my homeschooling hippy tendencies make me stick out like a sore thumb.

    But I know what I need to do– go snuggle and cry with my friend who just found out she’s carrying twins conjoined with one heart, help take photos of my friend’s baby whose husband is out of work so she sold her nice camera…

    It’s all that selfless service that has given you so much time together and opened your hearts to each other and welded you together.

    Love you and hope for answers and miracles for Jessica!

    • tracy


      We just want you to move here and hop right into the middle of our circle! What fun we could have sewing and hiking and biking and lego-ing together!

      But, YES!, go snuggle your friend and give her your heart while hers is breaking and take some lovely photos of your other friend’s baby. Scrubbing toilets, mopping floors, fixing computers, hauling to doctors, and holding hands during injections has woven our hearts together forever and you can find your heart circle as well. Who wouldn’t want to be have your heart?????

    • There is indeed a Jessica C. shaped hole in our circle that you would fill perfectly if we could only figure out how to move you here permanently.

      But you are exactly right. Service is exactly what brought us all together, Amy and Tracy wormed their way right into my closed-off, prickly heart by barging into my house unasked and cleaning toilets and mopping floors when I was too sick, and throwing up constantly. You have no choice but to love someone forever who has seen your pee-covered bathrooms, cleaned it, and still wants to be your friend.



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