laxity is not my favorite thing

May 16, 2013

Yesterday was rough. Really, really rough.

Physical therapy was painful and bones shifted out of place and tears were shed and Dr. Jones (aka Jeremy – the physical therapist) said I am much, much more lax than he previously thought and our exercise and strengthening plan was put on hold.

The tiny amount of muscle work we did yesterday sent everything into spasm and pulled my pelvic bones way out of place. The spasms continued for several hours even with electrical stimulation and a giant ice pack. So, we are going to have to take my rebuild-my-pelvic muscles-plan much slower than we planned. He also gave me some dismal news…a hip replacement is not an option for me – I am way too lax for it to work. I absolutely do NOT want a hip replacement, but it has always been in the back of my mind that it was an option if none of my other approaches work. Now I learn even that is not an option.

Pretty discouraging.

This connective tissue stuff is bigger than I thought. And I can’t solve it. I can’t fix it. Nothing I do is going to make my connective tissue rubber-band-like instead of taffy-like. Nothing.

And I am grieving. I am grieving the life I thought I would have, the body I thought I had, and a million other things.

But God is good. He sent Kim, a friend I haven’t seen since last summer, to meet me in the parking lot and hold me while I cried. She prayed with me and gave me wise counsel about leaning in to God. She looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me, God loved me, and He is with me.

I spent the afternoon in bed with ice packs all over me. I cried some more. I ate a huge salad with avocados.

And then I put my big girl panties on and moved on with life. Richard helped me hobble out to the family room and covered me with ice packs so I could lead a discussion on Frankenstein. And I laughed and smiled and shared.

Life goes on. Even if my body doesn’t work right, life goes on.

Note to self: focus on the blessings, keep my chin up, lean in to God, and let the tears flow when they need to.

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  1. Liz

    You may already be in touch w/ these good people but if not- here is a way to contact them. God Bless you with these challenges, Tracy. Best wishes for your health always.

  2. [Through the tears]…Tracy, I love you too. Oh how I wish I could make all your pain and this trial go away. Great courage my dear friend.

    • tracy

      Jana, thank you for being a cheerleader for me and sharing your dear family with me. I love all of you so much. I can’t imagine how hard it is for people to go through stuff like this without the wonderful friends I have.