mr. fisher turns seven

Sep 18, 2011

Seven.

I can’t really wrap my brain around the fact that seven years ago I gave birth to my one and only boy. It feels like just a short time ago he was a baby in our arms.

I remember so clearly those early days and weeks of nursing him. I remember the looks of adoration he would give me. I remember his ginormous head. I remember his obsession with doing push-ups as a four-month-old. I remember how much he loved my grandmother and how he snuggled on her lap while she read to him. I remember the hugs and kisses he would give her. I remember him burying his head in my armpit whenever anyone paid him any attention. I remember his fascination with airplanes…and then trains…and then ships…and then bugs…and then animals…and then dinosaurs…and then more bugs…and then animals…and then bugs…and now I think he is fairly obsessed with animals AND bugs.

His childhood is going by quickly. Too quickly.

How on earth have seven years gone by since the first time I laid eyes on him?

At the same time, it feels like forever ago…an entire lifetime ago…for now I am a different person. I am at a different place in my life and my mothering and in some ways it feels like his pregnancy and birth happened to someone else. His pregnancy was one of the most difficult physical AND spiritual experiences of my life. If you haven’t read about his birth, you probably should click over and read it as it has played such an integral role in defining who I am.

I had to choose which voices I would listen to…the crazy-making ones in my head or the quiet, yet forceful voice of God speaking to my heart. I had to choose to love and make that choice again and again and again. I had to choose to believe in God’s purposes when I wanted to throw in the towel and give up…to give in to the despair. I had to live through many months of debilitating pain and years of recovery. I had to choose to have faith in God’s ability to heal my body when medical doctors had no qualms about telling me I would never heal. I had to choose to smile again.

Because I chose to smile again, the months of agony and despair feel like a different lifetime. I can still go right back to that place of being, but it feels oh, so different now. The feelings are softened with the changed perspective of my heart. I can see clearly the lessons I learned through his pregnancy and birth and recovery. I can see the blessings. I am living the blessings and I am so grateful to be on this side of that experience. I am so grateful I chose God’s path of joy instead of the misery I was stuck in, so I can be in the place I am now instead of where that other road would have taken me. I had a mini-freak-out the other day when I realized it was the same time I was hit in the accident. All the pain came rushing back for a few seconds…and then I was able to let it go and let it be. I was able to make peace with it. I’m sure I will have to make peace with it again and again, but I don’t dwell on it any longer. Instead, my heart is full of gratitude for the things I have learned and the path God has led me on.

Fisher is growing up. He is learning new things all the time. He loves working with his papa in the garage. He loves spending time with me. He loves riding his bike as fast as he can. He loves fishing, stalking bugs, learning about the world, and building contraptions. He loves our reading time together. He loves being in his own imaginary world. He loves Curious George and Robinson Crusoe. He loves numbers. He loves his aunts and uncles and grandparents. He loves going over to his grandpa’s house and helping with the airplane building project his grandpa has going. He adores his Grommer Dorothy and talks to her almost every day. He loves learning about the people in the scriptures. He loves Jesus. He is often the first to apologize in a disagreement with his sisters and loves spending money on treats for his family and friends. He loves giving people gifts. He has a tender heart and is sensitive about everything under the sun. I hurt his feelings often and I am learning to mother him better. In the meantime, I am grateful children are so resilient.

I see him making a transition from a little kid to a big kid. He is becoming more capable. He recently took over the stewardship of taking care of the chickens and has been so diligent about feeding them and loving on them each morning. He has new chores in the house that he gets up and gets started on first thing in the morning. He is learning to complete his jobs and be a hard worker. He is learning to take pride in a job well done. He is learning to handle disappointments. He mastered jumping off the diving board and swimming to the edge. He is finding more courage. He is having bigger conversations with me and thinking about the world more deeply.

I love this red-headed, tender-hearted, bug-loving, fish-catching, invention-creating, Jesus-loving boy.

Here are some pictures of him from this past year.

Pretty cute boy, eh?