making progress, ever so slow

Aug 25, 2014

My knee is continuing to bother me and though I am trying hard not to get frustrated and discouraged, I feel myself sliding that direction sometimes. I think the frustration is coming less from the pain and more from the fact that ANOTHER body part has been added to the list of injuries. It was one thing when my hip was injured. Then we added my left foot, then my right, then my shoulders, ribs, neck, and jaw. Now my right knee is injured from the tibia dislocating in the shower fall and my left knee is hurting from compensating for the instability on the right.

It is a lot. Each joint needs different things to help them and it is fairly tiring just trying to keep it all straight in my mind, much less moving in such a way to prevent further injury.

The good news – okay, the FANTABULOUS news, is my hip is doing really well. I am moving better than I have since the initial injury back in February 2012 and as soon as my knee regains some stability, we can start building muscles in earnest.

PLEASE tell me this is true! Please tell me what we have been working for since I started physical therapy in April 2013 is going to start happening soon. We were almost there in July of last year, but then I broke my foot which set me back five months. Then in December I was able to start exercising and building the muscles in my pelvis. Then I tore the pubic symphysis in January, dislocated my foot in February, and dislocated pretty much everything in May. We have been stabilizing things all summer and we are almost back to the point where we can start the fix-Tracy’s-hip program again. I just need the knee ligaments to tighten up so I can walk on it without pain.

It really is crazy making. I am so done with the whole thing. I am ready to be healthy and strong and ABLE. Able to do my own grocery shopping. Able to sit in a chair like a normal person. Able to fold a batch of laundry without feeling like I have just run a marathon. Able to have a heartrate that stays below 90 instead of shooting up to 150. Able to not have shaking episodes. Able to drive myself where ever I want to go. Able to stay conscious. Able to run around and play with my children. Able to jump on the trampoline. Able to ride my lovely bike. Able. That is all I want.

And yet, I might not ever get any of those things. I might never be able in those areas.

But I am able to love. To speak kindness. To smile. To share truth. To laugh. To encourage. To make this world a brighter place.

And that is what I need to do more of – and keep my faith alive that someday I will be able to do the the others.