blog
smidge of service
A few days ago I was finally, FINALLY able to give a lil’ bit of service back to a friend who has been serving me for months years. Miss Katherine, amazing cook that she is, has been hired to cater a wedding luncheon and she needed my help to price out all her ingredients. I don’t know why she thought she needed my help, but I was thrilled to be asked and quickly rearranged my schedule to be available for her. I think my only job was to provide laughter as she walked up and down (and up and down and up and down and up and down) the aisles of Sam’s Club.
But, I did my job and I did it well. Sam’s has never seen such goof-ball women having such a grand time pricing out products.
When we were done at Sam’s, another friend was in distress and bawling her eyes out over the state of her house. I was having a really good hip day, so I offered to come clean her kitchen while she got her computer work done. She resisted that plan but I eventually wore her down and ended up kicking her and her sweetie out of the house so I could whip it into shape without any more of her arguing.
Can I just say JOY?
I was so, so happy to do a teensy-tiny bit of service for these two ladies who have been serving me for so long. It was just what I needed to feel useful…and needed.
Thanks girls!
wise heart
I am in the middle of the Great Sewing Room Rearrangement Project. I can’t even begin to describe how much work this job is entailing. Perhaps when it is all completed I will take the time to detail it all out for you. Trust me, you will think I am a hero.
Anyway, as part of this job, I am throwing away a lot of stuff. I found this quote today on a crumpled up piece of paper and fell in love with it all over again (probably because last night when I emerged from the sewing room and found the kitchen a complete and utter disaster I lost my cool and was nothing like the woman in this quote, I was more like a raging lunatic. I have been filled with regret all day and want to imprint these words on my heart and live them. Really live them. Treat my children as the divine beings they are…ahhh, will I ever master it?
It is the sisters and wives and mothers, you know, Caddie, who keep the world sweet and beautiful. What a rough world it would be if there were only men and boys in it, doing things in their own way! A woman’s task is to teach them gentleness and courtesy and love and kindness. It’s a big task too, Caddie – harder than cutting trees or building mills or damming rivers. It takes nerve and courage and patience, but good women have those things. They have them just as much as men who build bridges and carve roads through wilderness. A woman’s work is something fine and noble to grow up to, and it is just as important as a man’s. But no man could ever do it so well. I don’t want you to be a silly, affected person with fine clothes and manners who folks sometimes call a lady. No, that is not what I want for you, my little girl. I want you to be a woman with a wise and understanding heart, healthy in body and honest in mind.
(Father speaking to Caddie in Caddie Woodlawn…one of my favorite books.)
And now I can throw the crumpled up paper away!
walking again
This morning I could walk much better than yesterday (when I wasn’t walking at all) and tonight I am back to working on the sewing room project (while listening to The Time Pirate..so good!). Yippee!
I pretty much want to wretch about how boring my blog has become. How many posts can I make about pain? I want to be posting about delicious food, intriguing books, scriptural insights, and my lovely children (who have had one yuckiest arguing days EVER!), but instead I keep posting about poor me and my suffering.
I AM SORRY!
Please forgive me, dear readers. As soon as I can fill my brain up with something else (as long as it is an interesting something else) I will share it with you.
Also, I need camera batteries so I can post (and take!) pictures of the above mentioned children and any of our adventures (or more likely, our cleaning projects).
Until then, I hope you aren’t bored to tears. Or if you are, please send me blog reader vibes anyway…and comments, I love comments.
Lots of parentheses in this post. Hmmm, still going to hit publish and hit the sack.
14 injections
I am so sore. Barely moving. Thank goodness Blythe is here to pull me out of bed. Fourteen injections may be thirteen too many.
down the mountain, down the canal
My heart is full of gratitude today for the heavenly protection we have received the past few weeks. Two people I love dearly could be dead or seriously injured right now. Instead, they are alive and well and we are all counting our blessings.
It all started when my husband fell down a mountain. He was helping his friends to slide a boat, with him in front and his two friends holding ropes off the back, down a steep, shale covered incline. This particular mountain has a series of 8-10 foot cliffs and while he was standing on the edge of one of them the boat slipped a few inches and slid into his legs, knocking him off the cliff. He continued down the hillside turning head over heels for about 40 yards. As he came up from one of his flying somersaults a huge boulder loomed in front of his face. He was able (with a guardian angel’s help!) to put his left arm in front of his face and strong arm his way over the boulder and into a front flip. The good news is his head didn’t get smashed. The bad news is his shoulder was dislocated, his hip shaken up, and the rest of him bruised, battered, and gashed.
He quickly developed a deep, black bruise across his hip and down his thigh. Awful ugly and oh, so sore. He has gashes and scrapes from head to toe, he can’t lay on his left side, and he hasn’t slept well since the accident. He has little hand and arm strength, in fact, I put him to work this morning assembling some shelves for the sewing room rearrangement project and he could barely turn the allen wrench. He says his left arm is basically useless.
But he is alive. He is here. He is still giving me that crooked smile.
And for that, I am grateful.
I will turn all the screws myself.
Yesterday’s miracle is even more dramatic. My friend, Boo, has been up here visiting all her Idaho friends before she moves to California in a few weeks. She has been staying with Miss Jennifer and helping her build a barn for Jen’s goats. Boo’s little three-year-old fell in the (previously empty) canal yesterday and was instantly swept away by the current. Her five-year-old came in and told the adults, who instantly rushed out the door and jumped into the chest-high, fast-moving, brown and murky water. They couldn’t see a thing and had no idea where she was, but they ended up in the canal at the exact place Naomi was in the water. Somehow (once again, angelic help came to the rescue) Jen reached right into the culvert and found Naomi’s arm. Boo followed suit and found her hand holding on to the side of the culvert. They quickly pulled her out and started working on her. She started breathing quickly, then the paramedics arrived and worked on her some more.
Now, she is well. She is here. She is blessing us all with her zest for life and her adorable, kissable cheekies.
How she got a hold of the culvert (far from where she fell in), how they found her in the deep water, how she recovered so quickly, all of it is a mystery, unless you know, as we do, that heavenly help was present and guiding them all, strengthening them all, and blessing them all.
So, so grateful.
Dear Father, thank you for my loved ones. Thank you for protecting them and bringing them back to their families.
lessons learned
I have been injured since February 20. This is the longest time I have been forced to slow down…ever. I remember when I flew off the uneven parallel bars as a 12 year old and completely missed the safety mats. I landed on my head, was rushed to the emergency room in a neck brace and told my spine was damaged, had a concussion, and needed to stay in bed for several weeks. Even with that serious of an injury I didn’t stay down. I competed (terribly!) at the state meet two weeks later because I was not about to let someone else win MY first place all-around.
This time has been different than my past injuries. I have stayed down. I have listened to my body. I have allowed others to serve me. I have learned a lot of amazing lessons these past 20 weeks. I am grateful for them and want to record them so I will always remember them.
- I have amazing kids. The first few weeks were really rough and I thought I might go berserk at the amount of fighting and uncompleted work, but since then, they have really stepped up to the plate and figured out how to take care of an injured mom, help one another, and get most of the work of the house done. I am proud of them and grateful for them.
- I am blessed with wonderful friends who are willing to sacrifice to come to the rescue time and time again. We have been fed delicious food, driven to and fro, had cleaning projects done, and been prayed for. They have taken me to multiple doctor visits, held my hand through injections, dressed my naked bod, held me while I sobbed my eyes out, listened to all my ranting and raving, and in all ways been present with me as I have traversed these past months.
- Pain is not always an accurate indicator of injury. Some days I hurt so bad I just lie in bed moaning and barely moving. Other days I am able to drive, walk, push a shopping cart, etc. I never know when I wake up in the morning what the day will bring. I am learning to not totally freak out on the bad days and to be grateful for the good days. Living in the moment…what a lesson.
- Submission. Once again, I am learning to submit to God’s plan for my life. I know He is using this time of slowness and injury to teach me and manifest His love for me. I know He is teaching me to trust Him, to allow His plans to unfold, and to learn to stop fighting Him.
- My family has been simply amazing. My mother and sister have both come multiple times and cleaned my house, caught up my laundry, cleaned my bedroom, stocked my fridge, and loved on all of us. They have been absolute life-savers!
- My extended family rocks! They have sent me love letters encouraging me to keep my chin up, joined my family history project, and prayed for me. I am so grateful to have my huge, extended family!
- I have learned I can do hard things. Really hard things. Submitting to the ozone injections has taken more courage than I thought I had. I am grateful to have come face to face with this debilitating fear and conquer it…not with much grace, but still I have hopped back on the table time and time again and with someone’s hand to hold, I have made it through.
- I have learned I may never heal all the way. I am working on being okay with that.
- I have learned that a functioning body is a gift. A gift I hope to never take for granted again.
- I have learned compassion for people in chronic pain.
- I have learned to be more contemplative and less chaotic.
- There is nothing to be embarrassed about if you have to lie down in a restaurant booth…or eat standing up in the bar.
- Connection with other human beings feeds my soul.
- I have learned, once again, that people are good. So very good. I want to be full of charity and good works just like those who have blessed me.
- I have learned small acts of kindness make a huge difference in the outlook of one who is hurting. Many times a person’s kind word or smile or plate of cookies has made all the difference in my ability to have hope.
- I have learned my ancestors know who I am and are speaking to me. It has been an incredible experience of opening my heart up to them. I am so, so grateful to be able to have this journey. It is one I never imagined I would take.
- Last, but not least, I have been shown, once again, that my Richard is a true hero. He has supported me each step of the way with a more love than I can absorb. He works long hours, but as soon as he is home he goes into Let’s-Make-Tracy-Feel-Pampered mode and does everything he can to take away the pain, lift my spirit, and make the house run smoothly. He has listened to me completely give up and brought me back to a place of hope. He has held me while I cried, replaced my ice packs at all hours of the night, and walked forward with faith that I have sometimes lacked. He has loved me in a way I did not know was possible. I want to learn to love as he loves.
This injury has lasted far longer than I expected. I often think back to my run on February 17th. I felt so strong as I ran around the greenbelt. I remember the sun shining on my face and the slight breeze that cooled my face. I remember the geese watching me and the inner determination I felt to run well. I remember thinking I would actually be a runner and that it would change my life. Instead, I was injured just a few days later and it has changed my life. And for that, I am grateful.
omsh!
I dread the stress of family picture day, so we have rarely had them done (I think the last time was when Fisher was a baby…sometime around 2005) and our home is quite empty of any pictures of us. I hate the stress of getting everyone ready and I hate the expense, and I really hate how I look in photos (something happens to my face the second a camera is pointed in my direction and I turn into a blob with three double chins, a melted away face, and a smile that is completely unrecogniazble as a smile), so I avoid family pictures like the plague…but I REALLY wish I had gobs of them and could see all my precious babes at every stage of their lives. It is a problem. I want the end result (minus the hideous pictures of me), but I don’t want to go through the work of getting them. So, according to my husband, we are living unchronicled lives.
But!
We did it! We actually had family photos taken and I am going to share them. Granted, I had NOTHING to do with deciding to do them, which is why they got taken in the first place, and I had literally no time to freak out about it because our family called on Monday morning in the middle of the great bedroom rearrangement project and told us where to be that night (yes, THAT NIGHT!) and when to arrive and Dad would shoot pics of all the gang. Well, I couldn’t stop working on the bedroom switcharoo, so I just kept working and about 90 minutes before photo shoot time I started working on everyone’s hair and outfits only to find out we had pretty much no clean laundry. I borrowed one of Blythe’s tank tops and one of Keziah’s size 7-8 t-shirts to wear as an undershirt, put Fisher in a shirt from the dirty clothes bin that wasn’t too filthy, put Annesley in size 2T pants and a size 3T shirt (she is 4 1/2), called Richard and told him to stop and buy some new jeans for himself, and left Blythe and Kez to fend for themselves. It was a little bit crazy and I was snapping at people, but my behavior was much improved over past family picture days.
I think Dad did a fabulous job!
Annes
Blythe…isn’t she lovely!
Fisher (in the rest of his photos he looks like he has camera-induced paralysis)
Annes and Fisher
Keziah
Kez and her cousin, Talya
Our whole family
And now drumroll
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An actual photo of me that I like…it is a miracle (isn’t it Jessica?)!
Maybe we will do it again someday…but it will probably only happen if I don’t have to make any decisions about it!
great bedroom rearrangement project take two
Rememeber the Fall of 2010 and the Great Bedroom Rearrangement Project? It was a ginormous undertaking and took us about a month to accomplish. At that time we moved Fisher from downstairs to upstairs, Keziah from upstairs to downstairs, and Annesley from our room to Keziah’s room. I must have forgotten the craziness and long hours of that task because a few days ago I decided to start it all over again…and to get it done before my family arrives…AND to completely rearrange the school room to make it more workable for our learning and living.
This time we are moving Blythe upstairs and Fisher downstairs and Annesley out of Keziah’s room and into Fisher’s new room. We are also helping (at least valiantly attempting!) Blythe throw away much of her enormous amount of stuff that she has been holding on to since her first breaths of air on this planet. The girl cannot part with anything. ANYTHING! She makes me look like the queen of clutter-free, simplistic living (which I am SO NOT!)
Anyway, I don’t know what I was thinking. I must have forgotten that I am injured and can’t move things very well, or bend, or stay on my feet for hours at a time. I must have forgotten that these projects always take a gazillion hours longer than my predictions. I must have forgotten that children need food and sleep and snuggles and that jam-packed moving schedule didn’t have time blocked out for those necessities. I must have forgotten I only had a few days to accomplish this complete household rearrangement and that I would be gone for one of them to an iFamily Board meeting and gone another to Utah for a hip appointment and gone another for fireworks. Really, where was my brain and what on earth was it doing when it wasn’t thinking in any kind of logical manner?
So now we are at Tuesday and my family will be here later today to celebrate Independence Day and as of yet, there is no place for them to walk, sit, or sleep.
Come on troops! Time to kick it into super-speed!
those lips
Yes, they are still quite kissable.
Last night I fell apart. I was in so much stinking pain and I was grumpy and feeling like all my decisions are messed up and what if these injections aren’t really working and how on earth can I go on living like this where I can’t even clean my house without hurting. Then, of course, I drifted into I am not mothering with enough love, I am the only one in this house who knows how to clean, and since that is so obviously true, I have failed at teaching them how to clean. Their future spouses will hate me because they are so incredibly incompetent at cleaning!!! The downward spiral of my thoughts. At least this time I cried to really help those toxic feelings out. Crying is pretty hard for me and I am always glad when I can release enough control to allow it to happen.
Do you ever fall apart like this? Of course, my period started yesterday as well. Pretty obvious that a huge drop in progesterone had something to play in all that, eh?
Anyway, when Richard came to bed and found me a sobbing mess he got right to work with his SimplyHealed magic and in about an hour I was a whole new girl. My hip was out of pain, my mood was not quite hopeful, but was way out of the total despair area, and I slept instead of tossing and turning with beat-myself-up-thoughts.
Now it is 7:09 on the morning of June 28 and I am feeling much better. It is the morning of THE DAY.
The day I knew he would marry me. The day I knew he loved me. The day my whole world changed.
So I woke up and kissed him.
Great start to a new day.
Kat’s Granola Bars
I hired Kat to make hundreds of these granola bars for me to sell at concessions back in February at Blythe’s play and to feed us when we weren’t at the play…because of course, I can’t cook during play week. They were a huge hit with my customers and everyone here loved them as well. If you are in the mood for some chewy, healthy goodness for your summer camping trips, you won’t go wrong with these!
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
