blog
that ice is slippery
We are in the midst of a minor setback (Knock on wood. It WILL be minor. It WILL be minor!) and have had a more painful week than normal. On the way to church on Sunday I slipped on the ice. I didn’t fall and hit my head or anything serious. My legs just slid apart. Further and further and further.
And there was not a thing I could to stop them.
Richard finally came and rescued me when I was nearly in the splits and I thought I was okay, but I really wasn’t. We continued to church and my legs started doing all sorts of wonky things like jerking around and feeling like electricity was shooting up and down them. He brought me home and put me to bed for the rest of the day with my rice packs and I whimpered through the afternoon and night at the nerve freakouts shooting all over my body.
Monday I was still pretty sore, but I was able to be up and functioning with my children. Tuesday was more of the same…sore, but okayish. This morning was physical therapy. Jeremy took one look at me and knew something was wrong. He spent 45 minutes helping my adductors, psoas, IT band, and inguinal ligament calm down and get back to their correct locations. I have several torn muscles and it is going to take a bit before I can do my exercises again.
But the tingling is all gone and I think I’m going to continue on my seizure-free streak. Tomorrow will be the real test…a trip to Utah taking 80 of my favorite young people to see a play at HCT. Don’t worry…Sheri, Jen, and Heather will be with me and they are old pros at the whole passing out thing. Soooo, if it does happen, I will be in good hands. And in case you are wondering, I am not driving. I will be reclining in Jen’s fancy van in relative comfort while enjoying her brilliant mind and stimulating conversation.
fiar: humphrey the lost whale
Annes and I started our FIAR adventure again this week. We took December off and just got into the swing of things with FIAR again. I wanted to read All The Places To Love, one of my all-time favorite books, but she chose Humphrey The Lost Whale
This is the endearing, true story of a humpback whale who made a mistake and traveled under the Golden Gate Bridge, into San Francisco Bay, and up the the Sacramento River in 1985. Scientists, the U.S. Coast Guard, and people from all over the world worked together to help Humphrey get back out to the deep waters of the ocean.
Miss Annes thoroughly enjoying this book. The whole time we were reading it she kept asking, “He doesn’t die does he? He makes it back to the ocean, right?” Today we talked about salt water vs. fresh water, the Golden Gate Bridge, blowholes, different types of bridges, whale sounds, and the maps in the book.
Great times with my little one – so grateful I have this time with her.
sumoku
Last night for Family Home Evening, or FHE as it is often known in Mormon land, we had a short spiritual thought from Sermons in a Sentence, my new favorite get-me-thinking book, and then family game night. We love playing games together, but rarely have we had this much fun. We laughed ourselves silly.
Drumroll : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
Blythe played with us! I know those of you have played games with us before are shaking your heads in disbelief because she usually refuses to play any games and prefers to draw over in the corner, but I pinky swear, it is true!
AND SHE WON! Yes, she beat me! 288 to 256! Go Blythe GO!
This girl that says she “hates math” played not only a board game with her family, but a math game! This, my friends, is a banner day to be recorded in memoriam forever!
I bought Sumoku a few weeks ago as the next step up in Fisher’s math game progression. He learns best by playing games so I am always on the lookout for games the two of us can play together. I thought it would be perfect for him. It turns out it was a little confusing for him last night, but I think if just the two of us play without the crazy loudness of the girls it will be a great fit.
It is kind of a twist of Qwirkle (another huge favorite here!) and Scrabble and is chock-full of heaps of math! Best game ever!
There are tiles with numbers on them with six different colors and each row or column can only have one of each color in it. At the beginning of the game a die is rolled and whatever number turns up is THE number for the whole game – all columns and rows must add up to a multiple of that number. Then your score is the sum of all the numbers in the row or column you played on. So much calculation! I, being the number lover, expected to love it, and I did. I wasn’t so sure how my children with less of a number affinity would enjoy it, but they did as well so as Kat would say, WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER!
one year of shaking, one year of miracles
Today marks the one year anniversary of the shaking/passing out episodes. It all started January 8 at my ninth round of Prolozone injections. I was terrified for that injection and didn’t know how I was going to make myself get up on the table one more time, but I did it and it wasn’t too bad…and then the shaking started and I collapsed.
I have continued to shake, have a racing heart, blue hands, crazy temperature swings, and hundreds of passing out episodes over the ensuing twelve months. When I think about it, I am amazed. Completely amazed at the crazy, embarrassing situations my body has put me through. Completely amazed at the kindness that has been poured out upon me. Completely amazed at the miracles we have been blessed with this year that have enabled me to endure.
I have been beyond touchy and easily irritated all day. I didn’t even realize today was THE day until I came downstairs to read old posts. I thought the anniversary was tomorrow and didn’t really know how to feel about it…grateful? Sad? But now that I realize today is THE day, I think it is pretty natural for me to be feeling this way. Emotionally I am feeling much the same way my body must have felt during those injections…irritated, jumpy, attacked by foreign substances. All day long I have been feeling that way…I would be having a normal conversation with one of my children and then the smallest little thing would irritate me and prickly words full of daggers and empty of love would spew out of me. My poor children. Really. They have put up with so much gunk from their mama.
I just read all the entries from January 2013.
Whoa.
So much pain.
So much fear.
So much kindness.
So much mercy.
So much love.
So much goodness.
So much friendship.
So much tenderness.
So much.
It is a month to be remembered and cherished. I want to always remember how powerful a community of friendship can be in healing brokenness, both body and spirit. I want to always remember the tender mercies of the Lord that saved my husband from a terrible accident. I want to always remember the prayers and blessings that were given. I want to always remember my husband’s tender care. I want to always, always remember the love of my God.
Now that I have read the story of that overwhelmingly difficult month, I am no longer irritated. I am grateful and full of tears of sweetness and joy.
Thank you, dear ones. You have held me in your hands and hearts and prayers and I will forever be grateful.
And now, I will go read scriptures with my family and start our new read-aloud, The Red Keep…we are so excited for it we can’t wait until summer to read it.
a new year of books
It is a new year which means more books on my nightstand to read, write, and discuss with my family, students, and book discussion group. I am swooning over all of these books and can’t wait to read them and gain all sorts of new insights into myself, human nature, courage, and how this world works.
Colloquia Books
January
I wanted to spend the month of December contemplating the life of the Savior and his role in my life so I selected The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for our first discussion of the year. My soul is hungry for the Savior and I want to spend this entire year (and the rest of my life!) drawing closer to Him. I especially love this music video because it demonstrates the real life changes that can occur when we follow the teachings of Jesus.
February
I am teaching a class for youth at iFamily and we will be reading, writing, and growing at breakneck speeds. We are reading nine books for Wake Up and Be AWESOME! and I decided to make my life easier by doing some of my WUBA books for my adult discussion group as well. A Place to Stand: The Word of God in the Life of Martin Luther by Gene Edward Veith, Jr. is one of those doubled-up books. I am thoroughly excited to learn more about this man who stood so boldly against the strongest organization on earth in his time.
March
Resolved: 13 Resolutions For LIFE by Orrin Woodward looks FANTASTIC! It is a personal manifesto to change, keep your word, do hard things, and make a difference in the world. I can’t wait till my copy comes so I can devour it! I need all the help I can get to make even the smallest changes in my life.
April
I am a huge Ender fan and have read both the Ender series and the Shadow series in the past. Our youth are reading Ender’s Shadow for WUBA and now the adults will read it as well. I am not a huge sci-fi reader, but some authors in that genre really tickle my fancy and Orson Scott Card is one of them. I also want to read Pastwatch, but it will have to wait for another year (or be read in all my spare time, haha!). If you do decide to buy Ender’s Shadow, you might want to check out the Shadow and Ender’s Game box sets because I don’t think you will be able to stop with just the first book in the series!
May
We are studying William Wilberforce in WUBA, so this is another double-up month. Statesman and Saint: The Principled Politics of William Wilberforce is full of inspiration to tenaciously hold on to our ideals and do whatever it takes to implement them in our lives. The last time I studied Wilberforce was when I was pregnant with Annesley and I fell so head over heels in love with him I wanted to name our child after him. Instead, I named her Annesley after Susannah Annesley Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley, another one of my heroes. Wilberforce’s passionate fight for the ending of the British slave trade gives me hope for humanity.
June
One of the statesman we are studying in WUBA is C.S. Lewis, my favorite author of all time. His words have deeply impacted my life and have helped guide me as a disciple of Christ. We are going to read “Why I Am Not a Pacifist” in my youth class and read the entire Weight of Glory with the adults.
July
When I read an interview with Muhammed Awal Momen about his conversion to Christianity, I couldn’t wait to learn more about him. We are reading his book My Name Used To Be Muhammed with the hope of learning more about both Islam and Christianity and most importantly, the courage it takes to live according to the dictates of one’s conscience.
August
A few years ago we read Rolf and the Viking Bow and it was a huge hit with our adult readers and many of their children. Our family loved, loved, loved it and waited eagerly every night for family read-aloud time. This year we are reading another book by Allen French, The Red Keep, and I hope families will take the summer to savor a bit of history and adventure together.
September
My friend Becky told me about A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman (not the same Emily Freeman who wrote Written On Our Hearts) and it looks so delicious! It goes right along with my several years long theme to discover how I am a creator and become a purposeful creator who blesses the lives of others.
October
Becky also tipped me off to this gem of a book, Boys In The Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics by Daniel James Brown. This review convinced me we needed to read it and learn the lessons of courage, teamwork, and inner reserve these men have to teach us.
I have never rowed. I have never read a rowing book that I can remember. If all stories about rowing were written like Daniel Brown’s fabulous multi-level biography, I would read every one of them. This is a wonderful account, told with such detail and precision that I sometimes felt as if I were in this tale. Mr. Brown totally sucked me into his adventure. These young men who rowed for the USA in the 1936 Olympics faced huge obstacles. It was the Depression. Many were dirt-poor. They came from a small (then) and nondescript town of Seattle. They could not have had more difficult problems thrown their way. But by taking every sliver of hope, and mixing in superb craftsmanship (from George Pocock), excellent coaching (Al Ulbrickson), and these nine perfectly attuned young men learning together……..the result was perfection. This is a true Team sport. I learned that. It is nice to learn something you never knew, but is common knowledge to an entire set of other people. If you want to read a great, true story of success, this will fit the bill in spades…..and you will understand rowing to boot.
The research is mostly based on primary resources, including interviews with some members who were still living as the book was pulled together. Family members did supply additional information to make this undertaking feel solid and well thought out.
Concepts from Daniel Brown to consider that are mixed into the story to teach all of us: 1) One of the fundamental challenges in rowing is that when any one member of a crew goes into a slump the entire crew goes with him. 2) There are certain laws of physics by which all crew coaches live and die. The speed of a racing shell is determined primarily by two factors: the power produced by the combined strokes of the oars, and the stroke rate, the number of strokes the crew takes each minute. 3) To defeat an adversary who was your equal, maybe even your superior, it wasn’t necessarily enough just to give your all from start to finish. You had to master your opponent mentally. When the critical moment in a close race was upon you, you had to know something he did not – that down in your core you still had something in reserve, something you had not yet shown. 4) The things that held them together–trust in one another, mutual respect, humility, fair play, watching out for one another–those were also part of what America meant to all of them. There are other great ideas to ponder in this epic almost 400 page, could-not-put-down story.
I am not giving away anything by telling you that they DO win Gold at the 1936 Olympics. It is HOW they did it that is so darn exciting. Even knowing the end result does not diminish this bigger than life adventure. This is a must read, period.
By Wayne Crenwelge VINE VOICE on May 5, 2013
November
How to Argue and Win Every Time by Gerry Spence has been on my to-read list for a long time. Growing up in Wyoming, I often heard tales of Gerry Spence’s effective courtroom tactics and have been curious as to how he has been so successful in presenting his arguments. This book breaks down the art and science of communication into small skill sets that if implemented will help each of us learn to communicate more clearly, with less offense and more influence.
December
Wonder by R.J. Palacio is a new book to me…another one of Becky’s recommendations. It is about a disfigured boy and how he learns to interact with the world and the world with him. On a more global level, it is about how each of us choose to interact with one another, how we choose to connect or disconnect with those who are different from ourselves. I can’t wait to take these lessons into my heart and become a more giving, loving, connected person.
Don’t those seem fun and inspiring! Over the past many months of injury and exhaustion I have often considered if I should give up my colloquia group, but after much pondering throughout the month of December I decided I need the intellectual stimulation these books provide and the subsequent discussions feed my soul in immeasurable ways. The relationships I have with the books we have read in the past eleven years are precious to me and have shaped and formed me in ways that I will always be grateful for. Just as precious are the dear friendships that have developed between members as we have discussed, debated, and grown together.
WUBA
My Wake Up and Be AWESOME class is also studying Patrick Henry, Abigail Adams, and John Brown. We are reading Give Me Liberty: The Uncompromising Statesmanship of Patrick Henry by David J. Vaughan and studying his famous speech at the Virginia Convention in 1775. I wanted to read My Dearest Friend: The Letters of Abigail and John, but we decided it was too long for our youth to read when they already have so much on their plate and I decided I couldn’t squeeze any more reading time into my life to do it for the adult group, so we are going to read Abigail Adams: Witness to a Revolution by Natalie Bober. Maybe next year I will get their letters read. Our John Brown book is Fiery Vision: The Life and Death of John Brown. I studied his Harper’s Ferry raid in detail in my AP History class 20+ years ago, but I never learned about his life as a father or community leader and I am excited to delve into those aspects of his life and how his abolitionist viewpoints developed into the guiding force of his life.
Our C.S. Lewis biograpy is from the same Leaders In Action series as the Luther, Henry, and Wilberforce books. Not a Tame Lion: The Spiritual Legacy of C.S. Lewis by Terry W. Glaspey will give us a broad overview of Lewis’ life and impact. We will finish out our semester with the Chaim Potok favorite, The Chosen. I am silly excited to tackle these books with some of my favorite youth!
Personal Reads
Our scripture study this year at church is the Old Testament and I am reading several books to go along with it. Written On Our Hearts by Emily Freeman is so, so good. I am savoring it and reading little bits of it each night before bed. Here is an excerpt from the introduction:
“People often ask me why I love the Old Testament so fiercely. I always respond with the same answer. There will come a moment in your life when you or someone you love will struggle with a challenge so great you will wonder how you will make it through. In that moment you will long to better understand the Savior’s role as the Deliverer, and to do that you must go to the book of scripture that describes that role the best – the Old Testament…We live in a world that pleads for deliverance. We may not be called upon to cross the Red Sea, find ourselves thrown into a pit and left for dead, or face armies whose strength is far greater than ours. We may not be led into captivity, be compassed on every side by the enemy, or be called upon to testify knowing it might lead to our death. However, there will be days when we face danger, oppression, and injustice. There will be great obstacles in our way and times when we feel surrounded by those who are intent on destroying us. We will face evil, overwhelming health challenges or perhaps the captivity of sin. In these moments we must remember that, just as The Lord delivered the children of Israel, He has the power to deliver us from any trouble we must overcome in our life. He is, after all, the Great Deliverer.”
Doesn’t that make you want to read not only this book, but the Old Testament as well? Oh, how I love the lessons from Old Testament. They have connected all the dots for me in God’s great plan and have been a foundation of hope for me throughout my life. The stories of Enoch, Isaac, Gideon, Abigail, Jacob, Joseph, the Children of Israel, Jericho, David, and many others have taught me deep down in my soul that the God I believe in is more powerful than any other force and that with God all things, ALL THINGS are possible.
I am also reading 400 Questions and Answers about the Old Testament by Susan Easton Black and so far it is quite interesting. I love stocking my mind full of information, but right now my mind is full with my focus on healing. I knew I wasn’t up to doing a deep, detailed verse-by-verse study of the Old Testament right now and this book is the perfect way to fill my need for information without overwhelming me with hours and hours of study. Once again, by reading little tidbits once or twice a day and by the end of the year I will have learned quite a bit more about the ancient world.
I believe pretty firmly in reading the actual words of scripture to my children and we usually do, but I didn’t feel right about reading the Old Testament to Fisher and Annes. The thought of it overwhelmed me and I knew I wouldn’t last more than a few days in the effort. I wanted to bring the stories of the Old Testament alive for them and to help them love it as much as I do. So, instead of reading the OT to them, we are reading Illustrated Bible Stories for Latter-day Saints and the kids are eating it up. I promised them we would read two stories each morning, but inevitably we end up reading more – we are already past Noah & the Ark and we only started yesterday!
Fisher and Annesley were given Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims for Christmas from their grandparents and we are thoroughly enjoying it! I had never heard of this book as I don’t often (ever?) listen to Rush Limbaugh and I wasn’t quite sure what to think about reading a book from him to my children, but it is fabulous. Fisher and Annes beg for it every day and we are having wonderful discussions about the Church of England, having the courage to follow your own beliefs, leaving all you know to go to a new place, and what price is freedom worth. The time-travel aspect is super fun is bringing this time period alive for my little ones. Snuggling up with my boy with his head on my shoulder is the best part.
I hope some of these book pique your interest and you read them and share your thoughts with me! Also, what books are on your nightstand? What are you excited to read/study this year?
kind of resolutions, but not quite
With the new year I have been pondering what I want to focus on, change, get rid of, and accomplish. I am not quite up to making resolutions because they feel quite daunting right now…a little too much to bite off at the moment…but I do want to implement a few things in my life.
Fear
I have some fear I want to finally let go of completely. I have been fearful of doing anything to reinjure my hip. If I open the labral tear back up there isn’t a way to fix it. Surgery is not a good idea because of my defective connective tissue and Prolozone injections are no longer an option due to my allergy to local anesthetics. So I am a bit scared to exercise and work to strengthen my hip when it seems such a precarious tightrope to traverse. Not exercising = more dislocations, more shaking, more passing out, more pain. Exercising = possible reinjury to the tear OR possible muscle growth, less dislocations, less shaking, less passing out. So far it is working. I am getting stronger. I am much more stable than I was even a few short weeks ago. But golly, that little bit of fear is still there. I believe I CANNOT EVER GO BACK TO THE DEBILITATING PAIN LEVELS OF SPRING 2012. But, I need to let that belief go and TRUST that whatever happens I am not alone on my journey and God will see me through. I want to believe that giving healing my best effort is my part of the deal and God helping me accept the consequences, whatever they may be, is His part of the deal. It is hard. So very hard. I want to control the consequences. I want a signed contract from the universe that if I do x, y, and z, I will get better. I will stop passing out. I will get be able to sit. I will stop being a burden on those around me. But there are no guarantees, there is choice. And right now my choice is to trust Jeremy and do the exercises he recommends for me each week and hold on to hope. Yes, I am choosing hope.
Mothering
I have spent far too much time hooked into technology and want to make some changes. I want to look my children in the eyes more often and to be fully present with them in many moments of the day. I have decided to turn off my iPad by 8:30 in the morning and not turn it on again until 1:00. Those hours are dedicated to my children and I am going to make them as magical and nurturing as I can. I am going to look in their eyes and connect with their souls. I am going to fill up their long-neglected tanks and help them know their mama is back.
Education
We have spent the past two days decluttering and reorganizing our learning materials. Boy howdy, we have a lot of awesome stuff! Unfortunately a lot of it hasn’t been utilized because I have been in survival mode homeschooling since about mid-2011 when we found the breast lump. I have decided to revert to my old methods of success and spend some time each Sunday planning out our learning for the week by going downstairs and selecting books, games, manipulatives, and other cool resources to introduce during the week. So exciting! My two little ones have missed out on lots of our cool stuff and it is time they discover the magic and wonder of learning in our home.
I also need to really focus on my study time. 1:30-3:30 is my time to read and study for the class I am mentoring this semester. It is going to be quite an adventure along with a lot of work – I am super-duper excited about it!
Healing
My exercise routine has to take priority in my life. The only way to make it happen every day is for me to do it in the morning before 8:30. For the last long while this has been my time to do genealogy and have peace and quiet before the day with my children starts. But now, it needs to be devoted to healing. I need about 45 minutes to get through my supplement taking, the exercises Jeremy has given me, and my new MELT routine on my hands and feet. I have never succeeded at doing anything on a consistent basis in the morning. Ever. This would probably be easy for many people, but it is going to be next to impossible for me.
BUT I AM DETERMINED.
Everything else in my life is on survival mode or maintenance mode so I can focus on these four areas. I’ll report back at the end of the month and let you know how I am doing. Pray for me to have heavenly assistance and inner resolve. I need both so, so much!
six weeks
Tonight marks the six week anniversary since the last time I passed out!
Can I hear a huge shout of HALLELUJAH!
Oh my goodness, it is so exciting! There have been quite a few racing heart episodes, but no seizures and no losing consciousness. After the one-inch undoing, Richard did a full energy session on me and cleared out a lot of emotional garbage surrounding the passing out episodes. I think it has made a huge difference in my nerves ability to stay calm.
I hope that eventually so many weeks will have elapsed since I have lost consciousness that we can look back on this year of passing out as a distant memory full of tender mercies, embarrassing situations, and lots of laughter.
giving and receiving
Warm and fuzzy.
Peaceful.
Calm.
Joyful.
Grateful.
Filled.
Loving.
Tender.
Hopeful.
Teary.
Amazed.
Redeemed.
On this Christmas night my heart is full from top to bottom with all of these emotions. Our month has been full of Christmasy things – performances in the Messiah concert with the Youth Symphony and the Christmas Carol ballet, piano and violin recitals of Christmas music, several secret Christmas projects, caroling, visiting with friends and neighbors, Christmas stories, scripture study, yummy food, big hugs, nativities, and piles and piles AND PILES of love being poured out upon our family.
We have been on the receiving end of so much goodness and generosity this month. Moola for Muscles has raised thousands of dollars for my therapy. People have written the loveliest notes of encouragement and their love has filled my heart with courage and determination to keep trying to get my life back. Nearly 150 people invested their hard-earned cash in my Hip Recovery Plan. I can’t even think about it without tears running down my face. What a precious gift!
If the Moola for Muscles response wasn’t enough, we have been blessed with lovely presents from friends and family and had several knock-n-run experiences this week. Money, gifts, food, and, of course, piles of love have been delivered by these Secret Angels/Santas/Elves/Disciples. We have no idea who has reached out to our little family and blessed us so abundantly, but if any of you are reading this, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you for being a force for good in the world and for loving us so much that you would sacrifice and serve and give and bless.
The speaker at church this Sunday, Sister Spaulding, said something like “We experience Christmas every day of our lives. We are either giving or getting Christ’s love.” When she said those words I realized something…when we give Christ’s love to others we come to more fully love Him and know Him. When we receive Christ’s love, either through His own actions or the actions of our fellowman, we also learn more of Him and become closer to Him. As we go through life and have experiences on both sides of the equation, we understand Him and His ability to love, serve, and sacrifice for the children of God. We are more able to receive His love into our hearts and accept His sacrifice for us.
This year we have learned more clearly than ever before how important it is to be on both sides of the giving and receiving circle. I love being on the giving side. I love being guided to those who need our love and money. I love organizing secret projects and big, public fundraisers or service projects. I love doing God’s work by reaching out to someone who needs a hug, a listening ear, a big box of food, or a chunk of money. It is one of my very favorite things to do and I am so grateful for the opportunities we have had as a family to make a difference in the world.
But this hip injury has forced me to the other side of the circle. I have been on the receiving end of service for the past 22 months. People have taken care of our children, given umpteen hours of service, taken me to doctor’s appointments, paid for treatments, held me as I have sobbed, given me wise counsel, encouraged me, been patient with me, tried to understand, cleaned our home, cooked meals, and so much more. People have loved. Truly loved me. Loved us. Supported us. Been God’s hands in holding us up. I had no idea there was this much goodness in the world. It is been a tender privilege to be the recipient of so much goodness and one of the greatest blessings of my life to be taught not only the meaning, but the actions of love as I have been thoroughly loved through this injury.
Being on the receiving end has taught me much about God’s abundance and the windows of heaven. To those of you who have been His hands in lifting our burdens, both physical and emotional, please know we love you, we pray for you, and we thank God for you.
May each of you feel the love of God for you at this Christmas season and throughout the coming year.
muscles in training
I have been working on growing new muscles and boy, howdy, it is hard stuff! At my physical therapy appointment right before Thanksgiving, I was given some balancing and bridging exercises to start doing at home. Even though they were no big deal and only about 5 minutes worth of work, they wore me right out. Now, just a few weeks later, I am up to 15 minutes of abdominal, hip flexor, and pelvic stability work.
AND MY BODY IS SO STINKIN’ SORE!
But it is a good sore, a sore that makes my heart do happy dances all day long because I can feel the muscles trying so hard to wake up and do their jobs.
My hip flexors are so incredibly weak that they don’t fire. They have shut themselves off after all the injury and bedrest nonsense they have been put through. And now it is time to wake them up. They need to be retrained how to fire and when to fire and that, my friends, is no walk in the park. We are reprogramming my brain to send the right messages to the right muscles so my feet will stop doing the work of my hip flexors. My teensy tiny foot muscles are compensating for the weakness in my pelvic region and they ache every single day. They especially ache when I do my exercises because they are doing the job of big muscles. Sometimes I wish I could get my foot muscles to stop trying to be such superheroes, but then I would probably fall over a whole lot more than I already do (which is quite a bit!)
Anyway, all of this is very, very exciting. I can feel progress being made! The daily dedication needed to drink sufficient water, eat at regular times, do my exercises, and my energy work is almost beyond me…I am not a dedicated to anything on a daily basis kind of girl. I am a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. But I must find the gumption – the every single day gumption – to do the hard work of staying focused on healing.
oh, how he loves us
God is good. He is so, so, kind. He knows exactly what we need and how He can bless each of His children.
I know this. I know it through and through and yet, even though I know it, He still teaches me this beautiful lesson.
Case in point – the story of the clogging shoes.
My Annesley has decided she desperately wants to take a clogging class at iFamily next semester. She has her whole heart set on it and is so stinkin’ cute about it. Well, she needs some clogging shoes to take the class so I told her we would keep our eyes peeled for some shoes…and then I promptly put that on the bottom of my in-my-head-to-do list because I have till the end of January to find them.
Yesterday we went into town and had just a few short minutes to run errands in between other commitments. I decided to go to a store clear on the east side of town to check out their clearance book and toy section for a Christmas service project we have going on, but while I was driving there, I had the thought I should really drive clear over to the west side of town and go to DI, the local thrift store. I had nothing in mind that I needed at DI and really didn’t want to go over there, but I finally decided to go over there and have a quick visit to DI and then go to the library.
We walked in and I noticed the shoe section. I thought, “well, I should look for some new church shoes for Fisher who is growing like a weed right now.” I had no luck on that search, but I did find some clogging shoes! There was one pair in the whole store and they fit Annesley perfectly. They cost a whole $2.00 and have already brought my girlie bucketfuls of joy.
This kind of stuff happens to me all the time. Seriously, all the time. And I am always amazed when it does. It is kind of like God is flashing a bright pink neon sign in my face saying “See, I know what you need. See, I love you. See, you can trust me. See, I will take care of you.”
Today I say, “God, I know you will. I love you. I am learning to trust you. Thank you for teaching me again and again and again.”
I have no idea how much a new pair of clogging shoes is, but I’m sure we could have found enough pennies to buy her some if we couldn’t find some used ones. We are not destitute, we just have a small budget. This situation was not life or death in any way. And yet, He still solved it for me. He worked out all the details and gave us this beautiful blessing, not because everything depended on her getting clogging shoes, but because of His beautiful tender mercy and His desire for me to know that He is in the details of my life.
I'm Tracy, a mama with big dreams, crazy ideas, loads of laughter, an insatiable desire to learn, and enormous piles of laundry.
