in the pew

Aug 19, 2012 by tracy

For the first time in six months I sat with my family on our pew at church.

ON OUR PEW!

I lasted about 35 minutes before I needed to go stand in my post at the rear of the chapel. It felt like a foreign experience to be able to hear my children’s voices while we sang the hymns and prayed together. I want to shout for joy to the heavens that I was granted this special gift.

If the pews weren’t angled so acutely, I think I could sit there longer, but the way they are positioned makes my hip joint come together at closer than 90 degrees and that is dang near impossible still. Maybe someday I can sit like a normal person again?

walking again

Jul 17, 2012 by tracy

This morning I could walk much better than yesterday (when I wasn’t walking at all) and tonight I am back to working on the sewing room project (while listening to The Time Pirate..so good!). Yippee!

I pretty much want to wretch about how boring my blog has become. How many posts can I make about pain? I want to be posting about delicious food, intriguing books, scriptural insights, and my lovely children (who have had one yuckiest arguing days EVER!), but instead I keep posting about poor me and my suffering.

I AM SORRY!

Please forgive me, dear readers. As soon as I can fill my brain up with something else (as long as it is an interesting something else) I will share it with you.

Also, I need camera batteries so I can post (and take!) pictures of the above mentioned children and any of our adventures (or more likely, our cleaning projects).

Until then, I hope you aren’t bored to tears. Or if you are, please send me blog reader vibes anyway…and comments, I love comments.

Lots of parentheses in this post. Hmmm, still going to hit publish and hit the sack.

14 injections

Jul 16, 2012 by tracy

I am so sore. Barely moving. Thank goodness Blythe is here to pull me out of bed. Fourteen injections may be thirteen too many.

lessons learned

Jul 13, 2012 by tracy

I have been injured since February 20. This is the longest time I have been forced to slow down…ever. I remember when I flew off the uneven parallel bars as a 12 year old and completely missed the safety mats. I landed on my head, was rushed to the emergency room in a neck brace and told my spine was damaged, had a concussion, and needed to stay in bed for several weeks. Even with that serious of an injury I didn’t stay down. I competed (terribly!) at the state meet two weeks later because I was not about to let someone else win MY first place all-around.

This time has been different than my past injuries. I have stayed down. I have listened to my body. I have allowed others to serve me. I have learned a lot of amazing lessons these past 20 weeks. I am grateful for them and want to record them so I will always remember them.

• I have amazing kids. The first few weeks were really rough and I thought I might go berserk at the amount of fighting and uncompleted work, but since then, they have really stepped up to the plate and figured out how to take care of an injured mom, help one another, and get most of the work of the house done. I am proud of them and grateful for them.
• I am blessed with wonderful friends who are willing to sacrifice to come to the rescue time and time again. We have been fed delicious food, driven to and fro, had cleaning projects done, and been prayed for. They have taken me to multiple doctor visits, held my hand through injections, dressed my naked bod, held me while I sobbed my eyes out, listened to all my ranting and raving, and in all ways been present with me as I have traversed these past months.
• Pain is not always an accurate indicator of injury. Some days I hurt so bad I just lie in bed moaning and barely moving. Other days I am able to drive, walk, push a shopping cart, etc. I never know when I wake up in the morning what the day will bring. I am learning to not totally freak out on the bad days and to be grateful for the good days. Living in the moment…what a lesson.
• Submission. Once again, I am learning to submit to God’s plan for my life. I know He is using this time of slowness and injury to teach me and manifest His love for me. I know He is teaching me to trust Him, to allow His plans to unfold, and to learn to stop fighting Him.
• My family has been simply amazing. My mother and sister have both come multiple times and cleaned my house, caught up my laundry, cleaned my bedroom, stocked my fridge, and loved on all of us. They have been absolute life-savers!
• My extended family rocks! They have sent me love letters encouraging me to keep my chin up, joined my family history project, and prayed for me. I am so grateful to have my huge, extended family!
• I have learned I can do hard things. Really hard things. Submitting to the ozone injections has taken more courage than I thought I had. I am grateful to have come face to face with this debilitating fear and conquer it…not with much grace, but still I have hopped back on the table time and time again and with someone’s hand to hold, I have made it through.
• I have learned I may never heal all the way. I am working on being okay with that.
• I have learned that a functioning body is a gift. A gift I hope to never take for granted again.
• I have learned compassion for people in chronic pain.
• I have learned to be more contemplative and less chaotic.
• There is nothing to be embarrassed about if you have to lie down in a restaurant booth…or eat standing up in the bar.
• Connection with other human beings feeds my soul.
• I have learned, once again, that people are good. So very good. I want to be full of charity and good works just like those who have blessed me.
• I have learned small acts of kindness make a huge difference in the outlook of one who is hurting. Many times a person’s kind word or smile or plate of cookies has made all the difference in my ability to have hope.
• I have learned my ancestors know who I am and are speaking to me. It has been an incredible experience of opening my heart up to them. I am so, so grateful to be able to have this journey. It is one I never imagined I would take.
• Last, but not least, I have been shown, once again, that my Richard is a true hero. He has supported me each step of the way with a more love than I can absorb. He works long hours, but as soon as he is home he goes into Let’s-Make-Tracy-Feel-Pampered mode and does everything he can to take away the pain, lift my spirit, and make the house run smoothly. He has listened to me completely give up and brought me back to a place of hope. He has held me while I cried, replaced my ice packs at all hours of the night, and walked forward with faith that I have sometimes lacked. He has loved me in a way I did not know was possible. I want to learn to love as he loves.

This injury has lasted far longer than I expected. I often think back to my run on February 17th. I felt so strong as I ran around the greenbelt. I remember the sun shining on my face and the slight breeze that cooled my face. I remember the geese watching me and the inner determination I felt to run well. I remember thinking I would actually be a runner and that it would change my life. Instead, I was injured just a few days later and it has changed my life. And for that, I am grateful.

ouch

Jun 27, 2012 by tracy

Doing too much.

Hurting.

Need a rice pack.

And a bed.

And some gator bites.

Unfortunately I am getting none of the above.

Want to scream.

On the good side of things, my sweetie is on his way home with The Time Pirate so we can listen to it tomorrow.

a walk!

Jun 26, 2012 by tracy

We went on a walk last night!

A walk. A real-life family walk around the lake with Fisher and Annes racing the whole way, Keziah chasing everyone around with Sadie on the leash, Blythe walking while reading her latest book, and Richard and I holding hands and talking and laughing and enjoying watching our children and their crazy antics.

Oh my.

Is this heaven?

My hip hurt the whole time and since it was my first walk since that fateful day in February I was evaluating every twinge to self-diagnose what the heck is going on in there, but I made it around the whole 1.1 mile loop!

Then we came home and read our scriptures and our summer read-aloud, The Summer of The Monkeys, and then I collapsed into bed. I am pretty sore this morning, but it was worth it to see my children having so much fun…and to hold my sweetie’s hand. Someday I will be able to walk without pain. Someday these days of lying in bed will be a memory. Someday my body will work well again.

p.s. Summer of The Monkeys is a fabulous read-aloud. Not only are each of the children enthralled with it, but so is Richard. He chuckles at all the crazy adjectives and funny Ozark phrases and I think he has decided he wants to be just like the grandpa in the book when he has entered that phase of his life. I think he is enjoying it even more than the kids! If you are looking for a new read-aloud for your family, pick it up – I think you will love it!

injections today

Jun 20, 2012 by tracy

My stomach is in knots.

My panic is growing.

My courage will win.

sacred sabbaths: d&c 58:3

Jun 10, 2012 by tracy

Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.

A couple of weeks ago I was given these words to ponder. They changed my life and I want to remember them always. I want to remember that I don’t know, I can’t understand the ways of God. I can’t see his purposes for my experiences.

But I CAN trust. I CAN believe. I CAN have faith that He loves me and is working for my good.

Father, I thank thee for thy loving, tender care and thy wisdom in teaching me, growing me, and bringing me home to thee.

injection #4

Jun 6, 2012 by tracy

I made it through the fourth round of ozone injections. Kat held my hand and I squeezed her upper arm (I hope not too fiercely…are you bruised Kat?). I had a response similar to the first injection (which if you will remember was 20+ minutes of H-E-double toothpicks), but not quite as intense and certainly not as long in duration. Thank goodness for that. I honestly don’t know if I could handle another round like the first one. I was incredibly sore on Monday afternoon, but by evening was moving significantly better. By Tuesday, I was able to get in and out of the van without hollering and today I was able to get out of bed without help.

These injections are not for the faint of heart, but they do seem to be working, so I am going to keep working up my courage and keep bringing strong hands to hold and see how far this takes me down the healing path.

success!

May 27, 2012 by tracy

I went to church today! I stood for most of Sacrament meeting, then went and laid down on a couch for the last part. I also taught my class! Well, actually, I only taught a little bit, then I got interrupted with a meeting with our Stake President, and then I came back and finished up the last five minutes, but I am still counting it! I was there and I was prepared and I got to share my love with the girls in my class.

It was wonderful!

Tomorrow we are going to swim camp. I am really, really, I mean, REALLY hoping I do okay up there and don’t set myself back a gazillion years in healing. I plan to lay down in my little camper or on a table at the pool for most of every day and to walk around as little as possible while still being a functioning and nurturing swim lesson mama.

Come on, surely I can do this, right??????

Somehow I just need to get everything packed, meals planned, grocery shopping done, house taken care of, and then I can breathe easy and enjoy a week of sunshine, friends, and watching my little people improve in the water.

i survived

May 3, 2012 by tracy

Yes, I did! Yesterday’s Ozone injections were nothing at all like the first round. These ones were totally do-able! Still a lot of pressure, still the pain of any injection, but none of the I-am-going-to-die-and-maybe-I-wish-I-would-because-this-is-so-bad pain.

My super-duper friends, Jennifer and Kat, drove me down, fed me a delicious breakfast of green smoothies and Gator Bites with Eggs, and loved on me all day. Even when I was crying and going to puke from the fear. Even when I was almost ready to move into panic mode. Even when I started blubbering about money and the lack of it. Even when I held their hands for dear life. They were lovely “injection-doulas” and I needed them every step of the way.

But then I did fine. My body didn’t go into freak-out-pain mode and I was able to talk through the whole thing. I was able to get off the table about ten minutes later and actually get myself dressed. I was able to walk out of the office.

Amazing!

I felt so good afterwards that I went with them to go look at Jenn’s new house and even though I shouldn’t have I could not resist walking through her woods. Unfortunately, after our jaunt through the trees I was so sore I thought I might puke from the pain. Jessica and Kat came to my rescue and brought me home, fed me some more delicious food and helped me sort out the books for the Read-A-Thon (they did the sorting, I did the paperwork from my all too familiar horizontal position).

Today I am still sore and pretty tired, but I am walking and full to the brim with gratitude that this treatment plan seems to be working.

Thank you to everyone that prayed for me and helped me get through yesterday! I needed you more than you can ever know.

i may be losing my mind

Apr 28, 2012 by tracy

Last night I moved over into full-blown insanity…and while I recognize that I have taken residence in the loony-bin, I can’t seem to move myself out of it.

See, I have now been walking, yes, walking, in an upright-vertical position for a week. It seems I am doing much better. For the last several days I have been the recipient of gobs of hugs and shouts of exclamation about my new walking skills. I was able to kneel down a few days ago for family prayer. I have driven two times this week.

Sounds like a huge improvement, right?

Here is where the insanity comes in.

I have NO idea if I am really doing any better. I still hurt…a lot. So I can’t really convince myself I am doing any better. When I brought this up with Richard last night, he nearly fell to the ground in a laughing spell because to him it is so obvious that I am doing better. After being in bed for nine, dreadfully long weeks, his wife is upright again. He can’t understand why I am questioning this. But, I am questioning it. See, I don’t really KNOW that I couldn’t have somehow driven, walked, or kneeled a few weeks ago because maybe, just maybe, I just didn’t try hard enough to do those things. Maybe my pain now isn’t any less than my pain would have been then. Maybe I just needed to try harder and I could have lived with the pain like I am living with the pain now.

I am so worried about investing all our dollars, all our everything, in these Ozone treatments and then find out in six months that they didn’t really work or that I really should have had surgery. I do not want to make a mistake when so much is at stake (yes, I know there are much bigger issues out there in the world, but right now my mobility feels like a rather large issue since it is impacting the functioning of our family so dramatically). I want to know that these dollars are going to where they need to go and that I will really heal.

The thoughts have swirled about in my head all week long, contradicting one another and adding angst to my life until last night I collapsed into bed in one jumbled up pile of confusion…with my husband still laughing at me and my apparent insanity.

Four days till I have to face the injections again. Four days to work up my courage. Four days to convince myself that it is working and my vertical state of being is not only real, but truly formerly impossible.

Four days till the pain…

progress

Apr 24, 2012 by tracy

I have been down since February 20. I have left my house on Wednesdays for iFamily and Fridays for gym and that is pretty much all. I have taught my classes lying down on a couch or a cheese and have been in large amounts of pain while doing it. I have run my home from a horizontal position for the past 9 weeks.

It has been really, really hard.

For the first five weeks we believed I had a stress fracture in my acetabulum. Then my friends dragged me to an MRI with Arthrogram and we found out I have a labral tear. Unfortunately, that was not good news as surgery and months of recovery time (and months of waiting time for the surgery) are not great options…surgery is expensive and I do not have health insurance, surgery would be done in SLC – quite a ways from my home, it can’t be done until August, which means I will be down till the New Year. Nuts, really. The more I thought about it, the more I felt there had to be another solution. I started researching all night long and found a treatment called Prolozone and decided to give it a try. Prolozone is an injection of ozone, vitamins, and minerals into the injury site and it is supposed to actually heal torn and damaged tissue. After researching it ad nauseum, I scheduled my appointment for last Wednesday.

I was pretty much scared to death of the injection, but I decided I was strong and brave and could do hard things. Besides all that, I had to admit I was really, really desperate to avoid surgery and surely some injections were a MUCH better option. Now, I am not so sure!

I had been told it would burn really badly for about 5 seconds. I decided to prepare myself for 2 minutes of pain to be on the safe side. The injection did hurt…badly. But what hurt worse was the pain coursing through my hip socket, gluteus maximus, sacral-illiac ridge, and up and down my leg. It felt as though someone was pulling my patella off, yanking my little toe out of my body, and that my body would never, ever, stop shaking. This intense, overwhelming level of pain, lasted for 21 minutes, which was a heck of a lot longer than I had prepared for. When it finally dissipated, it was time for the injection right into the labrum. I was basically terrified. Courage from somewhere deep in my bones welled up and I agreed to move forward. This injection was just as bad as the first, but the pain didn’t last, it subsided within about 90 seconds, which was totally doable.

Afterwards, it took about 30 minutes for my blood pressure to come back up enough for me to get off the table. It felt like my entire right side of my body was dead and buried about 5 stories below the rest of me. Very odd sensation.

Walking out of the office was excruciating. I could only move my leg about one inch at a time, so it took us a long while to make it to the car. The rest of the day was pretty bad as well. Lots of pain, lots of light-headedness, lots of white skin, lots of “I-don’t-know-if-I-will-ever-stop-hurting”, lots of fear.

Thursday was more of the same.

Friday I could walk.

Saturday I could walk better and even ventured to the park with my family to lay down on a blanket in the sun.

Sunday I was pretty sore, but still walking and I ventured to church to partake of the sacrament.

Monday I was walking pretty darn speedily and even wrestled my bike trailer into my mom’s car so my sister can borrow it for the summer. Pretty amazing, eh?

And today? Today I am still walking. And I am sitting at my computer right this minute. And I am not dying in pain.

So, I think this is progress. Huge amounts of progress. I still don’t know if I have enough courage to go back next week for the next round of injections, but I am working on building it up.

quick update

Apr 5, 2012 by tracy

I have a labral tear.

I need surgery.

Expensive surgery.

I am trying to hold on to faith and not slide over to fear…but some moments the fear takes over.

Tomorrow is Passover.

Yippee-Skippee!

Passover is my very favorite holiday of the whole year. I cannot even tell you how much I treasure this celebration of God’s love and mercy for his children.

We have invited my Worldviews students and their parents to share our Seder with us.

This is a lot of work.

I think Keziah has been working all day long washing the special dishes, setting the table, making sure everything is just right.

I haven’t figured out how to lay down at the table yet. The table is about 14 inches off the floor and everyone else will be sitting on the floor. Unfortunately, I can’t sit. At all. Any ideas?

In spite of this ridiculous injury, I have decided to do a nationwide Home School Read-A-Thon. It is a lot of work. It is going to make a difference in the world and right now I feel like I am being served and served and served. This is an opportunity for me to help give back some goodness and bless others. If you would like to participate, just leave a comment and I will send the forms. It is open to everyone…not just homeschoolers, but I created it for home schooled students to be able to do something super cool, read a lot, earn books for themselves, and earn books for an organization in their area that needs books. Our local area is donating books to a homeless shelter. So excited about it!

Fisher and Annes are fascinated by the human body right now. They keep finding books about it and having me show them every.single.part.of.the.body. They love figuring out how their poop gets out of their body and where I am injured. Cracks me up to see how interested they are in anat and phys!

Brain spill done. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled lives.

horizontal road trip

Mar 29, 2012 by tracy

I have THE BEST friends in the world. I am so, so blessed to have a huge circle of women friends. Two of them, Kat and Jessica, took me on a road trip to find answers for this hip issue. I am still recovering from the whirlwind of events, emotions, and deeply moving experiences and am not ready to talk about it yet, but Jess posted a hilarious write-up and I love her words so much I could kiss her.

Someday, I may be up to sharing the story, but until then, you can read Jessica’s version and laugh yourself silly.

p.s. Thank you K & J…you are more dear to my heart than I can ever express…but you know that already, right?

update on the ol’ pelvis

Mar 8, 2012 by tracy

Well.

Hmmmm.

What can I say to give you an update on how I am doing?

The Good:

• The number of meals, cards, treats, messages, hugs, rides, smiles, and cleanings has been soul-filling, body-sustaining, and hope-building. This world is chock-full of good people who help and serve and love and sacrifice to bring joy to those around them. I am amazed at what my family and friends have done to help me.
• Last week Jen taught my iFamily classes, drove me to gym and along with her daughter, helped teach four classes.
• Amy brought dinner (enchiladas – yummmmm!), cleaned my kitchen & bathroom, loved on me, checked on me, laid on my bed with me, massaged my sore back, and drove Blythe to her activities.
• Jessica brought two meals, cleaned the same messy kitchen, stayed up late talking to me, took my children to iFamily, and has orchestrated all sorts of secret Take-Care-Of-Tracy plans behind my back.
• Tasha has given everyone lots of rides, brought in dinner, and let my little ones come and play when they were so done having a stay-in-bed mom.
• Cami has given Blythe rides, checked in on me, and helped me look at the situation with new eyes.
• Rachael and Ryan brought me yummy peanut butter-chocolate bars…so good! I think I ate at least ten!
• Anna made s’more bars that saved my children from feeling completely uncared for (how they can feel that way is a mystery to me since we are WAY cared for!).
• Stephanie brought over lots of leftovers from a funeral in our ward.
• Debbie gave me a foot zone that released a lot of pain.
• Heather made a wonderful batch of beef stew that we devoured last night.
• Jackie brought over something delicious last night and we are saving it for tonight. I heard lemon bars were involved…I love lemon bars!
• Kat has been Jessica’s partner in crime in creating a plan to help me stay in bed. She actually snuck into my house and stole my address book from my computer so she could enlist all my friends in her plan. I still don’t know what all their secrets are and I am so grateful they love me enough to take care of me in spite of my refusals.
• Mikelle, my sister, came for several days and whipped my house into shape. She did a gazillion loads of laundry (I was about a month behind when all of this started!), cooked delicious food, cleaned the whole house, put my children to work, cut everyone’s hair, and took amazing care of me. She also drove Fisher and Anne’s to Utah to meet up with my mom.
• And my mother? My amazing mother? There are no words. She drove to Utah to pick up the two little ones, drove them to Salt Lake, took them to their dentist appointments, drove them to Wyoming, took them to the movie, took them swimming, took them on the school bus, fed, entertained, taught, and loved on them for the past three days, drove them back to Salt Lake today for more dental work, drove to Logan to sleep, and will bring them home tomorrow when she comes to love on all the rest of us. Seriously. No words. She is an amazing grandma and mother. She did all of that so that Richard would not have to take a day off work or miss our caucus…meanwhile she took days off work and drove hundreds of miles. The children absolutely love their grandma and have been having a grand adventure. They call me every few hours and tell me how many belly-dumpers, flatbeds, dump trucks, airplanes, or yellow cars they have seen. She has them counting up a storm and learning all about the world around them. I have long believed the reason school was so easy for me was because my mom had a way of making the world seem magical and she taught me all about everything in the course of living. I see her do it now with my children and wish I had her gift to make learning seem effortless.

The Bad:

• Being in bed is getting really, really old.
• Being in bed without being able to be intimate with my husband is getting REALLY, REALLY old.
• Crutches are painful.
• Using the bathroom is hurting more each day (Is this normal? Should my bone hurt to toot or pee or poop?)
• My back aches from laying on my belly so much.
• Heartburn from eating in a horizontal position is wearing on me.
• Swallowing pills has never been my strong point. After two weeks of downing LOTS of them, I can barely get them in me without throwing up.
• Being a homeschool mama in bed is challenging and my children are ready for me to be out of bed.
• Richard isn’t getting home till about 8:30. It is just too late. I miss him. Greatly.

The Ugly:

• My bed is covered in books, papers, herbal concoctions, and dishes. Living in a bed isn’t an orderly endeavor.
• I have a whole pile of books to read and can’t get my brain to focus on the big ideas I am studying. Not only is this frustrating as I should at least be using this time to accomplish something, it is also disturbing to me that my brain is not capable of digesting these ideas when I am in pain. This is new and I don’t like it one little bit.

This post has taken me over one hour to type on my little screen, but I was a good girl and didn’t try to get down to my computer. Aren’t you proud of me?

and the culprit is

Feb 27, 2012 by tracy

So I have been hurting quite badly for over a week. I have winced and moaned and laid in bed. I taught my Worldviews class on my belly last week. I had my assistants teach gym. I stood up through church because trying to sit on the pew was unbearable, then I spent the rest of the day in a horizontal position. I have really taken it easy and tried my best to rest my leg. But it has not improved in any way. It just keeps hurting more and more.

So, today I went in to get it all checked out and find some answers.

Drat it all! I have a stress fracture in my acetabulum, which is the cup of the pelvis the femur head fits into.

And when I say drat what I really mean is DRAT!!!

Two weeks of running did me in. I never wanted to be a runner, I only wanted to be a supportive mama and run with my girlie. I am frustrated and dejected and hurting.

At this point I have no idea what recovery time is going to be, but I know it is longer than I want. I don’t know what to do about gym or resting (really, how can a person like me rest for 8 weeks?) or driving or typing or bending. All I want to do is stop hurting.

apparently everything is too much

Feb 21, 2012 by tracy

After yesterday’s run (really more like a running attempt since I only made it through the first five sets) I was sore…really sore.

As the night wore on, I was hurting more and more.

My blasted pelvis was aching so badly it hurt to bend my right leg up in front of me at all. Like, you know, to sit and eat. Or to walk. Or to pull my pajamas on.

After a pretty painful night, I woke up this morning unable to roll over to kiss Richard goodbye. He rolled me over, gave me his off-to-work-smooch and then I started evaluating how my pelvis felt and I decided it hurt really, really bad. Bad enough that I didn’t know how I was going to get through the day. Bad enough that my post-car accident pain came back to me in a rush. Bad enough that I knew I needed it to be worked on stat.

I was thrilled when my chiropractor’s receptionist said she had one opening today. I hobbled down the stairs and did learning time with the children and then hobbled back up the stairs (boy, did that hurt) to go to my appointment.

He said my pelvis is so inflamed and the ligaments so damaged, I must stop all physical activity for 6-8 weeks. I told him flat out that that is an impossibility. He said, “it will not heal if you keep hurting it.” I said, “but what about Keziah, what about running, what will I do?” He said, “Tracy you are too stubborn of a person for your own good. You can do whatever you want, but you are exacerbating your ligaments and in the state they are in they cannot hold you together. This is serious and we are going to be back at ground zero if you keep this up. You have got to trust me. You have got to stop doing things that hurt yourself.” Needless, to say, I still didn’t listen. I kept trying to ask about exercises I could do or stretches or something. There must be something. He said “no, you need rest and you need nutrition.” I said, “but what about gym, I have to teach gym.” To which he laughed in his grandfatherly way and said “I know you will keep teaching gymnastics, because you think you are invincible, but you must, absolutely must not run until this is healed.”

I was frustrated and felt rather defeated by the whole thing. Then I felt angry. Angry that the stupid car accident from over seven years ago is still haunting me. Still impacting my life.

Now I just hurt. My pelvis is throbbing. If I had any amount of sanity in me whatsoever I’m sure I would be downing ibuprofen by the handfuls. Right now I just want to cry. I want to curl up in a ball and cry and chase this pain right out of my body. I want to stop hurting. I want to be able to run with my daughter…and walk up the stairs and sweep and vacuum and all the other things that are so incredibly painful when my ligaments are unable to keep my femur head in its socket.

two minutes is one minute too much

Feb 20, 2012 by tracy

So, we have been running for one minute, walking for two minutes, running for one minute, walking for two minutes.

Today that all changed. We were scheduled to run for two minutes, walk for one minute.

It is reversed! Not only do we have to run for twice as long, we only get to walk for half as long. I have been gearing myself up for it all weekend long, knowing it was going to be a huge jump for me.

Well, it was.

Too huge.

I made it through our warm-up.

I made it through the first two minute run and thought I was going to die.

Then, when we finished the teensy-weensy one minute walk in between runs and I was just barely getting oxygen back into my lungs, I knew I would die on the second run.

By the third run I was completely focused on my breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. My femur head was hurting. My shins were burning. My right foot was once again aching. I made it through going about half as fast as I was running last week on our one minute runs.

By the fourth one, I was in a ton of pain, but I was determined to make it. Once again total focus was required and somehow I made it through. I tried walking on my heels in between to help my shins stop their ridiculous burning, but it didn’t really seem to help. All too soon the minute was up and it was time to run again. Very, very slowing I made it through the fifth run, but I knew it was time to put my pride away and listen to my body. My pelvis was not liking this at all, my shins were shouting at me, and my poor right foot was crying out in pain.

So I called to Keziah who was far ahead of me and told her I needed to just walk the rest. She said no problem, she would finish the last five sets on her own (which is hilarious because I was running so slowly she was already on her own). I hobbled back to the car, did my stretching in the blowing snow and then tried to walk a little bit more.

Well, my femur head didn’t like the walking one little bit, so I gave up all together and sat in the car while Keziah finished up. At the end, she was still looking strong. She is a tough cookie!

Now, I just want to get in the bath and go to bed!

lessons learned: running

Feb 14, 2012 by tracy

Keziah and I have started running. We have now run together three times (which is three times more than I ever thought I would run) and I haven’t died. That is lesson learned number one. Running for one minute at a time will not kill me. I’m still not sure about longer than one minute, but given my experiences thus far, I don’t have a great fear of dying come Monday (just a teensy-weensy trepidation).

I have already learned gobs about running and about myself. I have spent oodles of time reading about running and investigating all the various opinions about stretching, breathing, shoes, surfaces, gear, goals, injuries, treatment, schedules, training, races, etc.

Lessons learned after two weeks in this new world of running:

• Having a bio-mechanical evaluation done at a real running store is a great idea and will help you know what your feet and legs normally do. This will save you time (theoretically…see below) in picking out shoes that are correct for your feet and stride.
• Trying on lots of shoes is a great idea. I am so glad I didn’t just order some off the internet. Unfortunately, if you are like me, you might spend several hours in the running store trying to decide between two pairs of shoes and wear yourself right out by running and running and running in them to help you make the final decision.
• I prefer dynamic stretching instead of static stretching. We walk, do jumping jacks, skip forwards and backwards, toy soldier kicks, butt-kicks, and whatever else strikes us as a great stretch at the moment.
• I do not know how to breathe AT ALL. I breathe out over and over and can’t figure out how to breathe in. If it is absolutely the ONLY thing I focus on, I can manage to breathe in through my nose, but if I let my mind wander for even a millisecond, my breathing is all messed up.
• I breathe out for a really long time. I read you should breathe in for your left, right, left steps and then breathe out for your right, left steps, then get ready to breathe in again when you hit your left foot. Mine is more like right, left, right, left, right.
• I am kind of drawn to barefoot running. I’m not doing it, but it definitely intrigues me.
• Running in cemeteries is nice.
• I like running outside. I feel like I am feeding my body a much needed dose of God’s creations.
• Running with my daughter is much more enjoyable than I ever imagined.
• Running with Scout is not so enjoyable.
• Stretching after a run feels really, really good.
• Something is wrong with my right foot. It aches when I run. The running store recommended orthotics with massive arch support for my insanely high arches, but I am hesitant to try them because I want my arches to be strong all on their own. Still thinking about this one.
• 38 degrees is a lot warmer than 31 degrees.
• I must find some wind-proof gloves.
• My running clothes feel so comfortable I am tempted to wear them all the time. They are warm and cozy and I can move ever so freely. Then I look in the mirror and realize it would be a big mistake to allow anyone to see me like this.
• There are more runners in my life than I realized. I am surrounded by them!
• I need to figure out a better way to time our training runs. Holding my cell phone is driving me crazy.
• I love being a mom who can choose to make this happen for my daughter. I know everyone doesn’t have the option to exercise with their children and I am so grateful I do.

What else should I look forward to learning? What do I need to know? What advice do you have for me? Would you like to train with us? Tomorrow is our walking and/or biking day. With all this mud, I don’t know that we are biking anywhere!

first run

Feb 7, 2012 by tracy

We did it. We ran for the first time. Well…not her first time, but my first time in a very long time. Our training schedule for this week is one minute running, two minutes walking, then repeat ten times.

I did it. Every single second. I felt like I finished strong.

BUT I CAN’T IMAGINE RUNNING FOR LONGER THAN ONE MINUTE AT A TIME.

Afterwards, we went to DI (local thrift store) to look for some running clothes for her since the bulk of her sports clothes are cotton and cotton is not going to cut it in this cold weather. Eleven dollars later she has a nice fleece jacket with pockets, running capri tights (still need to find some long ones), nylon pants, and a short sleeve Under Armor shirt (she already has a long sleeve one that she wore today). She learned that she needs to wear a hat or ear protection of some kind and gloves because her head and hands got pretty cold.

If you would like to train along with us, here is the schedule we are following. So, this week is the one minute run, two minute walk plan, followed by a day of rest. Kez has no interest in resting, so on her off days she is going to ride her bike or go on a thirty minute walk.

I am not at all sure I can do this, but it was quite enjoyable to be out running in the sunshine and brisk air with my girlie, so if I can keep having days like this, maybe I will be able to overcome my dislike of running.